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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh discussing my bits and boobs

96 replies

Stoveding · 09/07/2018 09:13

At a wedding and there was no food from 1pm start until lots of champagne at 3.

Everyone got pissed pretty fast. I got talking to a man who said he did ‘aesthetics’ so I asked if he meant faces etc. He said no, and somehow alluded he did up fannies. He told me a few stories about clients, some of whom had run off with other men as soon as their fannies were nice again.
Anyway dh butted in and said - I wouldn’t like a woman to have breast enhancement (they both looked at mine and agreed smaller was better), but if she wanted fanny surgery to make herself feel better that was ok.
I took this to mean I should have it, as ive often wanted to since kids. It felt like a green light and the man gave us his card.
Aibu to think this was all a bit i I? I feel ashamed remembering it now.

OP posts:
LeighaJ · 09/07/2018 10:45

TBH I feel more sorry for the doctor. He can't even discuss his job at a wedding without strangers and/or their partners talking about their vaginas to him.

LongSummerDays · 09/07/2018 10:51

😶

TacoLover · 09/07/2018 10:54

if she wanted fanny surgery to make herself feel better that was ok.
I took this to mean I should have it, as ive often wanted to since kids.
What's the problem then? He's agreeing with you. The breast stuff is not on though.

Oddcat · 09/07/2018 11:01

Leigh if he doesn't want people talking about vaginas , he could have just said he was a doctor , he didn't have to say what sort.

Death yep mine too !

This may be too much info but as I've got older and certainly now I've gone through the menopause , I've noticed that my labia majora are a lot more squishy and loose than they used to be . My actual vagina is much the same , so I'm (ahem) told.

I wonder if this is what people refer to a being tight rather than the actual vaginal opening .

KokoandAllBall · 09/07/2018 11:01

He told me a few stories about clients, some of whom had run off with other men as soon as their fannies were nice again.

I'm really sure that happened. "Some" women contacted him out of the blue to tell him they ran off with other men once they were healed Hmm

Oddcat · 09/07/2018 11:03

Exactly Koko ! Who would ever tell their doctor that ?

gnushoes · 09/07/2018 11:05

You do realise your labia, etc, can all shrink in peri-menopause (and it can all become very sore and uncomfortable, especially any scarring)? I honestly worry for women who have these operations, as to what happens to them when their hormones start to dwindle.

SunnyCoco · 09/07/2018 11:09

This is really sad

“When their fannies were nice again”?????

What misogyny!

We urgently need to build a society where people don’t feel the need to slice up their genitals in the name of ‘beauty’

florenceswashingmachine · 09/07/2018 11:12

Don't have a labiaplasty unless you absolutely have to. I had one for medical reasons on the NHS as a last option, deemed essential by a gynae professor , the recovery was excrutiating (couldn't sit or stand or pee without crying) and I have painful scar tissue now years on. It was worth it for me as I had a LOT of physical problems but if it was just to look better, no wouldn't be worth the money.

Long term I still see gynaecology four weekly so not too worried about future, but the actual op was hell (I have PTSD) and so if this is something you are wondering about for cosmetic reasons, I very much wouldn't do it.

Butterymuffin · 09/07/2018 11:14

OP, what is it that has made you think you'd want this surgery? The look of your body or something else?

mirialis · 09/07/2018 11:17

Oh that foodless, midday sun, champagne-fuelled pissedness at weddings.... completely inappropriate conversation and imagine the doctor will be cringing on sobering up too (either that or he's a fuckwit, which is also a possibility).

Talk to your husband now you are sober about how you are feeling both with regard to the conversation and your body and then - assuming he doesn't make you feel worse during that conversation! - let it go.

yorkshireyummymummy · 09/07/2018 11:36

I have to make two points here.

  1. I don’t believe this chap was a doctor. Easy to pretend isn’t it to get people to talk about their ‘bits’. And your husband is simply awful for discussing your tits and froof with a stranger as if you are a piece of meat. Nice.

  2. I might be out on a limb here ( democracy, people’s rights to do what they want with their own money, women’s right to choose etc) but I think it’s utterly shamefully abhorrent to have this sort of surgery , for two reasons
    i) what are we becoming as humans? There’s kids dying because they don’t have clean water yet women are ‘improoving’ their fannies via surgery. Their fannies ffs!!
    ii) woman are doing this for men, not for themselves. If you suggested to a man he might want to have surgery to make his penis thicker or longer you would be branded such a bitch. But how easy for a man to say ‘ your fanny isn’t the same since you had baby. Why not have a designer vagina darling! Make you feel better! ( or in other words, “your fanny has gone flappy since you pushed mychild out of your froof. It’s not as tight on my somewhat skinny cock. Go and have an operation -the risk of a general anaesthetic doesn’t matter- to make me feel like a big man again when we fuck. It won’t make you feel any better at all but it will make me feel great. And if I stick the word ‘designer’ on to it you are stupid enough to think it will make you seem cool, like a WAG”).

Get some self respect and don’t talk about yourbits at a wedding with a complete stranger and don’t put up with your husband doing it too.

yorkshireyummymummy · 09/07/2018 11:39

gnushoes
Don’t worry about them
Hopefully it will happen and they will talk about it so our young children don’t desire them in 30 years time. Let’s hope they are a short lived fad.

velourvoyageur · 09/07/2018 11:40

So if a woman wants her boobs done to make herself better, he doesn't approve, but if she wants vaginal surgery to make him herself feel better that's a go? Hmm please don't allow yourself to be nudged towards this very invasive, unnecessary surgery to make yourself feel better because of his 'subtle' comments.

'He wouldn't like a woman to have breast enhancement' what a dick (sorry I know he's your DP but where does he get off saying this shit)

Oddcat · 09/07/2018 11:50

I thought a 'designer vagina' was where they trim the labia , surely that doesn't tighten anything and a man won't feel any difference .

velourvoyageur · 09/07/2018 11:51

I've seen a fair few vulvas (non-medical setting), each one unique, and have honestly never ever thought any one of them was 'ugly'. It's all neutral.
Why have we got to the point where we're openly discussing and setting the parameters of beauty standards for women's genitals Hmm is there any centimetre on women's visible bodies that can avoid classification as 'ok' or 'not ok' anymore? We can't stop at boobs, arses and faces, we have to relentlessly colonise every spare detail. There is a commentary on everything, even the body parts you'd think would have escaped commercial sexualisation: elbows, (c)ankles, hairy toes bad, wonky labia bad, delicate collarbones good, smooth knees good, we all know exactly how every part of our bodies is supposed to measure up and maintain these ridiculous mental checklists of which visual elements of ourselves are good and bad. If we don't break even, or have the majority as 'good', what are we worth?

CambridgeAnaglypta · 09/07/2018 11:51

Why would you want to butcher your labia like this? Seriously!

If you have the money, spend it on counselling for yourself, that will have a better effect than chopping bits off yourself to conform to some made up idea of how women should look.

^this

florenceswashingmachine · 09/07/2018 11:55

Also thought worth pointing out I've been told likely need a c section if I fall pregnant as likely to tear, and have vaginismus as a side effect of the trauma following surgery so need therapy for that - seriously unless you in are in real physical pain (and I was, from a very early age, due to congenital abnormalities) it just is NOT worth it.

yearofthewoman · 09/07/2018 11:59

BH I feel more sorry for the doctor. He can't even discuss his job at a wedding without strangers and/or their partners talking about their vaginas to him.

I don't feel sorry for the doctor.

His job is exploiting women's insecurities to profit from them by giving them totally unnecessary operations, with risks attached.

He got off lightly! If he'd spoken to me he'd have got a piece of my mind. He's a low life, exploitative arsehole in my opinion.

Undercoverbanana · 09/07/2018 12:06

Christ. I’ve never liked weddings.

Clarich007 · 09/07/2018 12:13

I'm gob smacked !! Why would you want to do this anyway.Not in million years .
I've just had a painful and embarrassing necessary procedure, that was bad enough but can't understand going for it voluntarily.

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 09/07/2018 12:16

If you were all as pissed as you say is there not a possibility that the conversation didn't happen quite as you remember? Or if you were sober then the other were simply talking drunken bollox?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/07/2018 12:27

You should have asked them to whip out their penises, before agreeing with them wholeheartedly.

Exactly what I was thinking - cheeky sods!

thricethebrindledcat · 09/07/2018 12:28

A vagina is not visible from the outside so it's aesthetics are not relevant.

I suppose this charming duo were talking about the aesthetics of the vulva - well good on them, not living in glass houses and all.

Both a couple of porn-influenced numpties - sorry, OP, since one of them is your DH and is lucky to be in a relationship with a real person.

YADNBU - yuk.

KurriKurri · 09/07/2018 12:29

Sounds like you met the Wedding Bullshitter. This guy goes around from wedding to wedding bigging himself up, talking weird and prurient shite so drunken people will have intimate conversations with him.

Good plastic surgeons do not need to go around weddings touting for business, they have people queueing upto use them. Throw his card away, forget the conversation after you've told your DH not to talk about your body in front of wedding weirdos (or any one else for that matter).