to feel upset that they 'felt sorry for me'?

[GamoraT]

I'm a cleaner in a big train station. I didn't dream of becoming a cleaner and it's by no means my ideal job, but it's mine and I do it well. A bunch of women walked past me on my shift recently and I heard them say that they felt sorry for people like me, doing jobs like the one I do. This has stuck with me for a few days now and I feel I need to post about it. Do people really see those who are doing jobs such as mine as less? People they need to feel sorry for? I just don't know how to feel about that comment and am gutted that that's how I was categorised...

Please don't let what these randoms said get to you.

Everything is a pecking order. People ask each other what do you do for a living. They really don't care; they just want to know if they're above or below them in the hierarchy. We're judged by everything. The clothes we where, the house we live in, neighbourhood, etc.

Your job is important and just think what a disaster the train station would be if your job didn't exist. The same with carers. There will always be a need for carers. Then look at jobs like lawyers and CEOs. The majority of them could disappear and nobody would care they were gone.

Your job is really important and people rely on it.
But also, you are not defined by your job no matter what you do. It’s only a small part of who we are. We all need to pay the bills and when it comes down to it for most there are other things they’d rather do than work.

Nothing wrong and no shame with your job. I've just read a book called 'clean house, tidy mind' by Japanese Buddhist monks. They regard cleaning extremely highly and as a path to enlightenment. It's only western idiots who think it is low skilled.

I can think of a whole lot of jobs l wouldn't want to do no matter what the money was like - cleaner wasn't one of them! You're doing a useful thing that you don't mind for a wage you can manage on. If other people don't get it more fool them, really.

A friend has just packed in teaching after a breakdown - she couldn't cope with the stress and the hours. Another friend works for the NHS - her shifts are awful and half her team is off with stress which just puts more pressure on the ones that are left yet she says she couldn't even consider doing my job ( retail ) as it involves too much public facing stuff!
Each to their own, basically ... Don't let one tactless comment worrit you!

I understand where you're coming from, no one wants pity. I don't really think about it much (I'm in a professional job that's marmite, some tell me it's the most interesting job in the work others tell me it sounds incredibly boring!!) although funnily enough I came into work knackered today and on seeing the cleaners wrapping up their work I thought thank god that's not me imagine what time they got up lol!

The time I feel it most is when I drop my kids off in childcare, now that's a job I couldn't do! I'd clean over that!

I think it is reasonable to feel sorry for anyone who hates their job and is miserable at work, whatever the work may be.
In relation to a cleaner maybe it is harder for some other people to understand and empathise that the person enjoys their job.

I do feel sorry for people who's job it is to clean up after others, however, if I needed to I would take a job like that myself as I would rather work and support myself if I could.

I do not think of you as a lesser person, far from it, I respect and appreciate the people who do those jobs, they still aren't the greatest jobs though.

if your happy that great.some people feel sorry for dentists.or police officers.or nurses even. because some of the jobs we do aren't the most pleasant all the time.but those very people might feel sorry for those in offices doing 9-5.
I think people cleaning out toilets is a brave and wonderful thing to do.i hate cleaning my own! so try not to be upset.each to their own.
in peoples minds there is always that want and aspiration to become and do something that dreams are made of.
would you have dreamed of doing this job when growing up.i think that way of looking at thing is hard to let go of sometimes.but it doesn't mean you are lesser than them or any other person doing a different job.

I can see why you're upset. It's not their place to feel sorry for you. I wouldn't feel sorry for you. When I see people getting on with their jobs I don't really judge at all. No reason why you can't be happy being a cleaner. At least presumably you don't take work stress home with you too much.

I really don't think saying 'I'm a city lawyer' was a stealth boast! It really would be a sympathy inducing job if there ever was one (though one people could presumably move on from if they wished!) As i understand it it can involve having to cancel holidays at last minute when work says so - not good in my book!

I wouldn't dream of commenting - we'd all be a bit buggered without cleaners.

It's all relative. To most cleaners/menial workers, I assume it's a job suitable for them and their circumstances/skillset.

I don’t look down on anyone with a job ( except chuggers), and certainly not cleaners. My Auntie wasn’t in charge of the toilets at Birmingham New Street for many years and she loved her job
However, I do feel sorry for people who have to clean up after other people as some people can be absolutely vile

What was bad was talking about you as if you weren't really there. If they had wanted to they could easily have acknowledged you as a fellow human by making brief eye contact with you and smiling instead of making crass, dehumanising remarks.

Anyway, hold onto your dignity and don't waste precious thinking time on people who can't hold onto theirs!

And here's a song for you:

I have a problem with the term 'feel sorry for' as in people are pitying you. I don't feel sorry for anyone who has a job they are happy/comfortable with. I feel sorry for people who try hard for months to get a job and are unsuccessful and struggling. I feel sorry for people who have to work multiple jobs to make ends meet.
I completely understand why this would upset you. Somebody once told me they pity me and its stuck with me for years!

Those women are stupid and small minded. My dad used to say there is dignity and worth in any paid work, whether ditch digger or Supreme Court Justice.

Frankly, I'm grateful for the work you do. And I'm not saying that in a 'looking down' way. You, and other workers in similar industries, make my life more pleasant.

I would far rather clean in a train station than be a domestic cleaner cleaning the toilets of individual people and families. I have a cleaner and think the world of her, but she has had so many clients who have seen her as a skivvy, e.g. leaving her to wash up dirty dishes, pick things up that they've dropped on the floor (not disabled people btw, just lazy people) etc. Cleaning a train station is less personal, and the people using the toilets don't have the right to order you around so you have much more autonomy.

I think OP's job is a bit of a red-herring here, what OP doesn't want is pity, because, let's face it, it's generally a pejorative term used to confer superiority by the 'pitier'.

I've felt pitied at certain shitty points in my life and have always thought, 'You can shove that pity up your arse you supercillious cunt'.

Nobody wants to be pitied, it's belittling, dehumanising and fucking demoralising.

So no, I don't pity anybody.

I do feel sorry for the fat berg people.

They are my heroes! Not that I would like to do that job, but I feel awe rather than pity.

It's annoying isn't it, while some of the things we do we feel proud about because we do it well and people are telling you they feel sorry for you!

ILikeyourHairyHands That sums it up completely for me! I feel some of the posts are patronising, which is as bad!

@InTheLightOfTheMoon I feel sorry for you as you seem like a really bad human

I completely understand why this has upset, to be pitied feels awful and actually quite insulting, even if that wasn't the person's intentions.
I know it's easier said than done, but try not to let it get to you as I'm sure they didn't mean it in such a demeaning way.

Quite, Quite!

Well quite frankly I do feel sorry for public toilet cleaners! Not in a ‘I would be embarrassed/poor/desperate’ etc way if I was them, but in a sympathetic way. Public toilets are awful and can be an absolute disgrace at times - I mean shit smeared literally everywhere including walls, used sanitary items or nappies left on the floor, piss all over the floor/seat etc. I feel sorry for cleaners as they are the ones that physically tidy up such disgusting environments, whilst the members of the public causing such mess lack the decorum and initiative to clean up after themselves.

I entered the bathroom after work the other day, someone had literally shat everywhere to an extent that I had never seen before, didn’t flush either! When the cleaners entered they literally said ‘wtf!!!’ and I just had to tell them that I’m so sorry that they have to deal with that. Not because I think that they are lesser humans, because it’s a vile thing to have to sort out!

Although I am having difficulty articulating why, I can totally understand your feelings over this. Nobody likes to be pitied, and in pitying you, they were demeaning what you do for a living. Probably with no intention to hurt you, but it was thoughtless nonetheless.

Whatever job you do, some people will feel sorry for you.

I used to be airline cabin crew and some passengers would look down on me with faux sympathy - “oh they work you girls so hard, I couldn’t smile for 12 hours and collect rubbish in and run around after people.” It was even worse when they saw you mopping up vomit off the carpet and commented on it! I would just smile and say nicely that I was looking forward to getting 24 hours off in XYZ and staying in a posh hotel.

I was an executive assistant in the City and one of my jobs was to get weird and wonderful lunch items for my boss. I had to take them into meetings. Other employees would go “oh poor you, you have to get lunch for him that’s sooooo demeaning!” Er not really. I was paid well, it got me out of the office and kept my boss happy! And I got to get myself a free coffee at the same time!