AWBU to get married in secret?

[ShhhhhItsASecretWedding]

DP and I have been together 4 happy years, and currently no children, both in our 30's. We both have good jobs which we enjoy (mostly!), and live in our chosen area in our own little home.

We are both very close to our families - to include parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, and so on.... we both have large families.
We've been engaged for a couple of years, but have been put off getting married as we just don't want the fuss! We really really don't. We want the marriage, not the wedding.

AWBU to get married in a registry office on a random day, just with a couple of friends as witnesses, or possibly siblings, and no one else? If we did it this way, we wouldn't be doing the whole party thing after etc, it's just not our preference.

Has anyone got experience of this? We are worried about our family's reaction, as they all had big weddings and the world and his wife came to each one. The guilt we are feeling is huge over this, and it's worrying us into not booking anything at all.

I did it it was brilliant no stress no mad money spent even though we basically did the same thing the church home for champagne then a meal in the evening in a restaurant without the bitchy sisters drunk uncles etc it was fantastic

We did this, abroad - unplanned for me as DH proposed and had brought out necessary paperwork in case I was keen to do it there and then, which I was! It was such an amazing place; we'd just started trying for DC, didn't want a big fuss, etc. It worked for us and our families were fine about it. We had a celebration with them on our return, but small and informal.

However I wouldn't have invited some friends as witnesses and not included my parents/brother, that wouldn't have felt right at all.

We are about to do it.....just the 2 of us......ssssshhhhhh, don't tell anyone! X

Thanks everyone. After much deliberation..... we've booked it ☺️

Will update again after the (not so) big day..... can't risk outing myself now!!

How did it go?
Asking for a friend..... how upset would you be as an adult child of dad and long term partner of 15 years telling you afterwards that they had got married?

I did this. The official witness was the venue's photographer. Perfect.

Go for strangers on the day, not family or friends as witnesses as someone will see their arse about it. See if another couple need witnesses and be theirs and they can be yours.

We did it, with two friends as witnesses. Jeans, and tapas afterwards. I’m not sure how many years afterwards we told family, but at least a couple. No one was operatic about it.

I’d make it very clear, OP, if you decide to tell people, that there was never an option involving a white frock, bridesmaids and 100 relatives fighting over the buffet - that this was the only way you were ever getting married.

Ah, zombie.

Yes we did it. There were negative reactions from some corners and we don’t really talk about our wedding day very much as it was a bit tarnished by the behaviour of others when they found out.

That said, I’m still glad we did it.

I would invite your parents, if at all possible. I wouldn't give them loads of notice, and you could even say it's just going out for a special lunch or something and then take everyone to the registry office if you don't want to deal with any pre-wedding hassle or guilt trips. But I think it's quite hurtful not to invite them at all, especially if you include siblings.

Oh. Zombie. And an OP promising to come back and update on how it went, but didn't. Shame.

We did this. 4 friends/witnesses, visit to the 2nd hand book shop, pub lunch and back to ours for a joke and a laugh. I'd never dreamt of white puffy dresses and walking down the aisle...

Oh - and my mate (one of the witnesses) got married on a Kenyan beach, witnessed by a couple of people from the hotel they were staying in. Respect!!

Old bloody rebels.

I'd love to do this and know it would take alot of pressure off my OH and his social anxiety. So I say go for it