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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What do you want to teach your daughters?

121 replies

Gigis · 04/07/2018 20:19

Had a friend meet dd for the first time today. Friend is very strong, independent, brilliantly opinionated woman - I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of her! She says she inherited it from her dad, he taught her to "expect to be respected, not just hope for it". It got me thinking- if you could only pass on one piece of advice/one lesson to your daughters what would it be?

Mine would be to be kind to people. Boring, but I truly believe that most other positive personality traits can stem from just being simply kind to others.

OP posts:

switswoo81 · 06/07/2018 21:59

I would like to teach my two dds to treat everyone equally, your job or income does not make you a better more important person.
I would like to teach them the joy of traveling, that sometimes the sensible option is not the best one.
I would like to teach them to appreciate family, my parents and brother have been the constant in my whole life. I would like to be there’s, I do not need them to stay near physically to me and each other as they grow but I would like always to be there for them.
I would like them to realize how fortunate they are, no matter what happens in the future that is unknown right now they have parents who love them, a warm happy home, access to education and opportunities.

EstrellaDamn · 06/07/2018 22:03

Just curious @MammaSchwifty why wouldn't you teach your daughter household tasks? Wouldn't you teach any children to look after their own stuff, and their own home in the future?

TheLittleThingsLikeVodka · 06/07/2018 22:12

That it’s ok to take care of yourself first sometimes

TillyMint81 · 06/07/2018 22:17

To not be polite when the situation is something she's not happy with.
At work this week I've spoken to some older teen girls about walking away when a particular customer approaches them (in working on getting him banned)

Missbrick1 · 06/07/2018 22:25

I want to die!

Missbrick1 · 06/07/2018 22:25

Apologies wrong thread

MyNameIsNotSteven · 06/07/2018 22:33

MissBrick I'm assuming that's tongue in cheek!

OP, I haven't rtt, but something I've started to notice is that the kind people and the honest people tend to be overlooked in life. I'm not saying you should teach your DD to be completely self absorbed and dishonest, but please teach her to be tough.

holidayplanner · 06/07/2018 22:34

MammaSchwifty Wed 04-Jul-18 20:27:21
What would I not educate her in? Housework.

I really agree with this, but just as a note: my feminist mother lived by this rule, and as a result I am still utterly crap at all housework/cooking and domestic labour. It would have been a useful skill (though I have never held it against her once!).

Missbrick1 · 06/07/2018 22:34

MyNameIsNotSteven 😂 no genuinely the wrong thread!

marymoosmum · 06/07/2018 23:45

That it doesn't matter if she fails, it only matters that she tried.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 07/07/2018 08:27

That being independent and happy in your own company will take you far. To be confident in her opinions and thoughts and to never let anyone's stop her from feeling that that's important. That having a boyfriend/girlfriend isn't necessity and the hold out for someone lovely who deserves her. To not take shit from anyone but be respectful to those who deserve it. To always be polite and well-mannered but also to stick up for herself if she ever needs to and not be afraid to do that! Well, that's what I hope I'll teach/have taught her! I try to lead by example which is nice because it makes me better too!

Gah81 · 07/07/2018 08:33

To be financially independent wherever possible - don't expect to rely on a man for your income, do whatever you can to earn your own money and don't assume you should automatically take on the majority of the childcare/domestic tasks.

FASH84 · 07/07/2018 08:34

That your gender doesn't define you. That you can be whatever you want to be and achieve whatever you want to achieve. That you can have whatever invests and guess you want and you are not bound to wear frills and pink, but it's fine if you want to. That they are nobody's princess and don't need a man on a white horse to rescue them or provide for them (saw a lovely quote about teaching girls more about shattering glass ceilings, than waiting for glass slippers). That a strong confident woman is just that, she's not a bitch or a ballbreaker. That women empower women....... Oh so many things, can you tell I'm hoping it's a girl??

Jorah · 07/07/2018 08:34

To be curious, resilient, hopeful. Have a sport that you love and be kind to animals.

FASH84 · 07/07/2018 08:35

*ugh interests and hobbies not invests and guess

cholka · 07/07/2018 08:55

I found a Yeats quote the other day:

The thing to remember is that no one ever finds out that you don’t know what you’re doing

I think that's a good one. I want dd to know how to nurture and be kind to herself, so a bad day doesn't turn into a bad month or year or decade. You've got to be able to take stock, learn from mistakes and forgive yourself.

Also I want her to have the imagination to not judge other people - the whole walk a mile in someone's shoes thing.

ApocalypseNowt · 07/07/2018 08:56

Don't be an arsehole...but if you have to be an arsehole make sure you're the biggest one in the room.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 07/07/2018 09:00

Don’t let anyone else define you.

NukaColaGirl · 07/07/2018 09:44

Resilience.

MammaSchwifty · 11/07/2018 22:26

Estella Just curious @MammaSchwifty why wouldn't you teach your daughter household tasks? Wouldn't you teach any children to look after their own stuff, and their own home in the future?

Apologies! I've only just spotted your question. Well practically, I'd find it hard to teach her housework as I was never taught myself but really, it's not rocket science and I've muddled along just fine unencumbered by socialised ideas that it's my default job on account of my sex! It gets done, it's just way down the list of priorities.

Instead of worrying about floors, I can spend the time relaxing, reading, whatever. And if I want to be productive, I might apply for a new and better paid job, work on a case for promotion, optimise the household finances, research investments, study something to make me more effective at work... and when I can no longer be bothered to think about housework at all, I'll simply hire a cleaner.

I want my daughter to know that her sex doesn't mean that the housework is especially her job alone, and that she can spend the time guilt-free on anything that is important to her and her goals.

EstrellaDamn · 11/07/2018 22:42

Yes, totally agree with the last paragraph. I wouldn't teach a girl that housework is her responsibility due to her sex, but I am certainly teaching my son and my daughter to look after themselves and tidy up their own shit as I am not a slave!

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