What do you want to teach your daughters?

[Gigis]

Had a friend meet dd for the first time today. Friend is very strong, independent, brilliantly opinionated woman - I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of her! She says she inherited it from her dad, he taught her to "expect to be respected, not just hope for it". It got me thinking- if you could only pass on one piece of advice/one lesson to your daughters what would it be?

Mine would be to be kind to people. Boring, but I truly believe that most other positive personality traits can stem from just being simply kind to others.

I don't have any daughters but if I did I'd tell them:

The world doesn't owe you anything. Work hard for what you have and no one can take it away from you or tell you 'you wouldn't have that if it wasn't for me'. Don't rely on anyone for anything.

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

And

You can do anything you want, but you (probably) can't do everything.

Great, brilliant suggestions. I might change mine up to 'be kind - but with with an edge!' I.e. don't let people take advantage of her and not to her own detriment.

I'll be honest, I posted this because I was struck with one of those moments whilst holding her after friend had gone where I just though 'how the fuck do I take care of you properly? What if I forget to teach you something really important or, worse, what if I teach you the wrong things so you have to unlearn them later?' And I thought you lovely bunch would be able to help me get it right.

To get the most out of life you need to be brave.
Great friendships are the bedrock of a resilient life.
Treat others well and expect others to treat you well.
Don't chase after others' approval.
Maths.

You have the ability to be anything you want in life but most importantly be kind.
If someone is being horrible, kill it with kindness

Be kind to everyone, but if they're rude to you let them have it with both barrels.

I'm liking all these comments. I would add (assuming long term heterosexual relationship) don't get sucked into wifework.

What other people think of you is none of your business!

@BadPolicy

*It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

And

You can do anything you want, but you (probably) can't do everything.*

That sounds like a bit of a manifesto for 'oh, well', TBH, and not something I'd push.

I don’t have daughters but I am a Brownie and Guide leader

I think what I would most want my girls to learn is to be brave. Be brave enough to be independent, brave enough to be yourself, brave enough to get out of damaging situations, brave enough to stand up for yourself and others, brave enough to do the right thing, brave enough to travel and have adventures, brave enough to own their mistakes, brave enough to dream big and to pursue those dreams, brave enough to challenge expectations. And that being afraid is fine but bravery is doing it even though you’re afraid.

To be kind and polite.
That they are perfect as they are.
To be strong and independent.
To enjoy life.

That being you is awesome and never change to make someone else happy.

This overriding message is underpinned with lots of little extras that reinforce the power of being your own person emotionally/physically/financially.

Have no intention of ever having kids, but I’d go for:

Treat everyone as you’d like to be treated; respect everyone; be kind but not a pushover.

Work hard, don't rely on a man, you can have a career and children and aim high. Don't settle.

(while she's a child) if someone asks her to keep a secret she 100% needs to tell me or her dad right away.

To never rely on anyone else for happiness. To maintain financial independence and the means to earn a living. That NO is the most important thing to be able to readily say.

Interesting OP what your friend says about respect -I very much believe that respect is earned and cannot be demanded. That said, conducting yourself repesctfully is something different and something we should all be doing.

Do people think if this is was about sons rather than daughters, there'd be as many 'be kind's' ?

To be comfortable with your own company. Not to look to others for affirmation. A relationship is nice but a bad relationship is not better than no relationship. Don't not do things because you don't have anyone to do them with.

I wondered if anyone would ask about potential differences between advice for boys and girls.
Speaking for myself, yes, had I a son I absolutely would advise him to be kind, just as I will my daughter. It's not a gendered thing for me. Humans should be kind to each other.

arethereany Yes, I think there's little enough kindness in the world and I believe if it's no skin off your nose to show some kindness then do it.

It's ok to be imperfect. The sky won't fall in because you fail at something, even something big.

I'm pregnant with a son right now and I so hope to teach him to be kind. I actually think it's more important than for a girl, as the world is pretty good at teaching boys and young men to be unkind.

Same advice for boy or girl. You don't necessarily have to follow the crowd.

Or, we could keep the thread focused on girls...