To think a leaving gift of a 3 course lunch for every teacher and staff member is a bit OTT?

[goldenlight]

My eldest DS is currently in year 6 and will be moving on to secondary school in September. A few of the yr 6 mothers discussed setting up a plan for all the yr6 parents to club together for a group thank you to the staff, which I agreed to contribute towards in principle as I imagined they were talking about a few drinks at the village pub or perhaps an informal ploughmans lunch. Now it transpires that the meal will be a 3 course affair for all the teachers, as well as the TAs and the secretary. They are asking for a contribution of £15 per parent which is just not affordable for us. We are already having to pay for a 'compulsory' school trip, as well as uniform for our 4 children and the usual additional school summer holiday expenditures, as well as our DD's birthday next month.
TBH I hadn't been planning on giving a present at all. I personally feel a handwritten, heartfelt thank you from a child is worth more to a teacher than a gift anyway. The trouble is if i refuse, I'll look mean and stingy and it will raise the cost for the other parents.
AIBU to not want to contribute to something on this scale? Any suggestions on how I could handle this?

I first read it as £15 per child which I would do with year 6 leaving school, but per parent? No, excessive.

Seriously??!

People have an issue giving £15 for all the staff who have helped their child over the years??

how much do you miserable sods tip your hairdresser over the course of just 12 months?! Bet it's more than £15.

@StarUtopia I don't go to a hairdresser.
I actually gave 12£ for class collection(2teachers,1TA and a wedding).

That's irrelevant. 1. The gift is stupid and a waste and I bet most of the teachers won't like it/attend. 2.what me you or anyone else can afford has nothing to do with what OP can afford 3. If everyone pays that's 400-450£ in total,not exactly pocket change gift wise. 4. It's more than likely that some of the staff was also thanked in the previous 6 years. 5.even of affordable it's not nice to be pressured into an amount/gift you are uncomfortable with.

Star

You seem to have a failure of imagination. I work in a school. Support staff in our school couldn't afford to give that amount to a collection. Amazing I know but some people just don't earn very much money.

Teachers and TAs would prefer kind words or a hand-drawn picture

...and some people don't go to hairdressers. Really.

Sorry to be snippy. But this is what really annoys me about some parents in my kids' school. There's such a gap between the well-off and others and some just have no clue about the struggle people who live within a square mile of them have

I shall climb down off my high horse now

When my youngest left infant school we all clubbed in for the two teachers and two TAs to go out for a meal. But a) we had insider information to check they actually liked each other and would want to socialise, and b) it was nowhere near £15 per family, people were just asked to put in what they could afford. Oh and c) nobody was under any pressure to do it if they didn't want to.

Gift giving has gone crazy and should not be expected or extravagant.

It just is not appropriate. Nor are John Lewis vouchers, or anything costing more that £5 in total. If parents just stopped this ridiculous collecting for presents, teachers would be happier.

Please stop collecting money and buying over the top presents. They should not be expected or allowed. It puts teachers in a difficult position- they should be maintaining a professional distance from parents.

In the last newsletter of term at DS’s school they said ‘we would ask you keep all thanks to staff to a card or letter from your child, these are the things teachers love and treasure, keep your money for summer fun!’

Very sensible.

Star - have you really no imagination that you don't understand that many people don't have the same disposable income as you? Or any income for that matter?

I consider myself comfortably off but no way do I spend £15 or more on tipping my hairdresser - I have my hair done in a training salon twice a year for free and give the student £1-2.

Jax - good on your school, I really wish more schools would follow this.

How bloody silly. What a bossy and interfering PTA 🙄

Jax

That's great - how it should be

DD's teacher will be getting a card and a £5 voucher for M&S with a note from DH and I.

My mum was a primary school teacher and one parent did this for her. She loved it because she used it to get some flowers a bit later on in the holiday and it reminded her of that child.

Mr Bunz is a teacher and he receives without fail a card and a bottle of wine. He would be embarrassed by anything more.

ragwort I am at you getting your hair done for free at training college and giving the student ONE POUND! What are they supposed to do with that? Buy themselves a kit kat on you?!

glintandglide

Love your name!

glint - we are specifically asked NOT to tip more than £1-2 - honest.

The college really struggles to get models - not sure why - and they make this rule to try and encourage more models to 'sign up', without the embarrassment of knowing how much/when to tip.

Most of the models tend to be other students in the college.

If that’s what they wanted they would just say no tipping. They don’t sound so smart

Thanks yoda!

I cannot think of anything worse, at the end of an exhausting term, than to be forced to go out for a three course meal with all of my colleagues!