To think a leaving gift of a 3 course lunch for every teacher and staff member is a bit OTT?

[goldenlight]

My eldest DS is currently in year 6 and will be moving on to secondary school in September. A few of the yr 6 mothers discussed setting up a plan for all the yr6 parents to club together for a group thank you to the staff, which I agreed to contribute towards in principle as I imagined they were talking about a few drinks at the village pub or perhaps an informal ploughmans lunch. Now it transpires that the meal will be a 3 course affair for all the teachers, as well as the TAs and the secretary. They are asking for a contribution of £15 per parent which is just not affordable for us. We are already having to pay for a 'compulsory' school trip, as well as uniform for our 4 children and the usual additional school summer holiday expenditures, as well as our DD's birthday next month.
TBH I hadn't been planning on giving a present at all. I personally feel a handwritten, heartfelt thank you from a child is worth more to a teacher than a gift anyway. The trouble is if i refuse, I'll look mean and stingy and it will raise the cost for the other parents.
AIBU to not want to contribute to something on this scale? Any suggestions on how I could handle this?

Fuck, wrong thread, obviously.

I’m a teacher.

I would utterly hate this. I’d much rather have a letter from the child, or a card.

If you want to buy me a gift then I’d like glue sticks, coloured pencils, glitter, and more glue sticks.

I buy so much essential materials for my class. Then I look at all the gifts parents give me, and wish I could convert them into art and craft stuff.

somtham i agree with you!
I'm secondary in an affluent area. If we were to get gifts (we don't) I would like pens for marking (check first which colour!), board markers, exercise books and folders - these are things which, due to the extortionate prices of publishing companies we cannot afford to buy. A school in an affluent area doesn't mean it has money, the school probably has none.
And yes, a meal out would go down like a lead balloon here. They will already have organized one if they wanted one but probably would prefer to just go home!

As a teacher I would be mortified by this.. and wouldn’t want to go.
Just something like a handmade card would make my day

At the school I work in, we wouldn't even be allowed to accept that gift. In any school I've worked in, the most we've been allowed to accept is a gift worth £10.

Stick to your guns, a heartfelt note (or even a letter to the head if you think they deserve it as they will probably undergo performance review sometime after the summer holidays) would be a much better gift imo.

I think it's unaminous that teachers would hate it. I'd be tempted to be blunt Op, no I can't afford it and why are you trying to arrange a meal that no one would want. I really can't stand people who love to spend other people's money.

Urgg. Compulsory socializing with colleagues is rarely a pleasure. Keep your money in your purse.

Thanks for the advice everyone. It seems that I am not alone in thinking that the cost is maybe a little much and that there are many other ways the money could be better spent in any case. I will suggest a voluntary contribution say with a guide of £5 - £15 and everyone chips in what they can afford or want to towards a whole school present.

£15 is far too much to spend on people who have spent 6 years taking care of your kids and educating them. Thats over £2 a year. Unbelievable! Cheeky fuckers

When did giving teachers presents become a thing? I never took presents in when I was at school back in the 90s and I don't remember any of my classmates doing it either. Is this 'etiquette' now, then? Genuinely asking as I'm having a baby and it would never have occurred to me to do this!

Pirate-do a search on here for teacher gifts. It’s defo a thing

Although we used to take gifts to our teachers too in the 80s/90s. Maybe not three course meals though!

I think it's quite a presumptuous gift in the first place - not all the teachers might like their colleagues or want a night away from their families. We do John Lewis Vouchers: there's a recommended contribution but you can do less or just buy your own gift and card no pressure either way.

£15 is far too much to spend on people who have spent 6 years taking care of your kids and educating them. Thats over £2 a year. Unbelievable! Cheeky fuckers

This is a silly comment. I always happily cough up for teachers gifts every year but not everyone can afford £15 and I've never met a teacher who expects extravagant gifts. Almost all would be happy with a heart felt card.

@araiwa at my school there are plenty of parents that don't have 15£ to feed their kids,much less buy teacher presents. None of us would expect or even want a present that comes at such a great cost to the families. Gratitude and appreciation can be shown in many ways,not necessarily with a price tag.

I really, really wish Heads would try and put a stop to end of term teachers' gifts.

I volunteer at a Food bank and a new client arrived in tears last week, no food for her children and she explained she felt 'obliged' to buy expensive teachers' gifts. Yes, I know that many of us have the confidence to say 'no' when asked to contribute to teachers' presents but clearly, some parents haven't got that confidence.

I think it’s too much for many families to contribute. When my DS left primary school, all the parents contributed what they felt able to, and then the total sum was used to buy vouchers for the teachers and TA’s. Nobody knew what anyone else had contributed.

For a child that's leaving and been in the school and around the teachers for many years, I don't think that's excessive and I don't think £15 is a lot. If it was just an end of year present for a year 4 child or something, it would be excessive though

I am a TA.

This is excessive and as well as being WAY too much money to expect parents to pay, will be experienced as pressure by the staff.

A box of ice creams in an icebox in the staffroom would go down better than a three-course meal. Or simply a big thank you if you feel that way.

I appreciate any kind words from parents; as parents appreciate kind words about their child from staff.

Somtham

An Industrial pencil sharpener, or a heavy-duty staple-remover here! .

I don't think that's excessive and I don't think £15 is a lot.

A lot depends on the family finances though - £15 is loose change for some families but a whole weeks food budget for others. Parents shouldn’t be pressured into giving a set amount.

@awesomeness it's irrelevant if the child is finishing y1 or y6 is the family is struggling.

I doubt they want a meal out, they likely want to relax for a few dates

However £15 for a child leaving Primary doesnt amount to much between all the staff that will have been involved in his life.

We always do gifts, the staff go above and beyond. Individual gifts cost more contribution but are more heartfelt and personal.

@rebelrogue no the initial question was whether it was too OTT. Personally i don't think it is, I would struggle for £15 but i would find a way as I would think it was worth it.

BUT if she's unable to afford it, then she can't afford it, and isnt really a discussion to be had if it's not a possibility

Boxsets

I can assure you that £15 is a lot of money for some people (school staff amongst them!). So whether it's recognising 1 teacher or 6, it makes no difference

I can’t decide whether the lunch is awful (why would you want a pub lunch with your colleagues) or brilliant (a pub lunch with your collegues!)

But whilst I understand £15 is a lot for many families, teacher gifts always seem to be a bottle of booze and a card which isn’t going to be far off £10 even if you’re scrimping. I don’t think it’s anything like a scandalous amount.