To think a leaving gift of a 3 course lunch for every teacher and staff member is a bit OTT?

[goldenlight]

My eldest DS is currently in year 6 and will be moving on to secondary school in September. A few of the yr 6 mothers discussed setting up a plan for all the yr6 parents to club together for a group thank you to the staff, which I agreed to contribute towards in principle as I imagined they were talking about a few drinks at the village pub or perhaps an informal ploughmans lunch. Now it transpires that the meal will be a 3 course affair for all the teachers, as well as the TAs and the secretary. They are asking for a contribution of £15 per parent which is just not affordable for us. We are already having to pay for a 'compulsory' school trip, as well as uniform for our 4 children and the usual additional school summer holiday expenditures, as well as our DD's birthday next month.
TBH I hadn't been planning on giving a present at all. I personally feel a handwritten, heartfelt thank you from a child is worth more to a teacher than a gift anyway. The trouble is if i refuse, I'll look mean and stingy and it will raise the cost for the other parents.
AIBU to not want to contribute to something on this scale? Any suggestions on how I could handle this?

My.school has an end of term meal organised by the staff and they pay for the meal themselves. They would never expect a group gift on this scale and would be against it. Most teachers are aware that some families are on very tight budgets and would not want a group gift to prevent those families being embarrassed or pressured into overspending.
We do have some well off parents here and they often donate some kind of quality item to the school.

There’s a class collection afoot for the teacher of my DD’s class afoot, I’m not going to contribute to some pretty impersonal present. No idea how much they’re expecting, but if everyone gave £5 would make £150 which is excessive for a gift, I wouldn’t be allowed to accept that at work (public sector but not teacher). Last year someone organised a personalised gift that cost £1 each, and people still bought in all sorts of crap for the teachers! So you can’t win. I stick to kid made cards and heartfelt messages of thanks, this year I have a particularly large thank you to say to two of the staff so I am contemplating getting them each a gift, but it’s not because of their position as teacher but because I’d give my friend a gift in the same situation to say thank you and that’s how it feels they’ve become to us. At Christmas the teacher thanked me specially for what I’d written in her Kid made card, rather than rely on the blanket “thanks for the gifts” that goes in the newsletter.

Teacher here. I'm sure the intention is lovely but it is way too OTT. Plus definitely what staff would choose. I feel very uncomfortable about whole class gifts - very unfair.

We all try to get out of the Christmas do at our place - we work with and respect our colleagues but we are not all friends. Plus we'd all have to drive...

Box of biscuits, bottle if you like, tea and (fresh)coffee for the staffroom???

Lovely to be appreciated though.

We have contributed to gifts for teachers who have organised and trained for big, long weekend type extra-curricular events, and who have been immensely helpful and supportive, but it has been along the lines of "stick what you can in the pot and we'll buy a voucher" present, or wine and everyone writes on a card. Organising the card is an epic task in its own right.

In what other professions do people lavish gifts routinely at the end of each year and Christmas?

Secondary teacher here, we never get lavished with anything, if that makes you feel any better. It’s primary-only.

To be fair I do know of other professions who do get far larger gifts and benefits from their customers or clients, as thank yous - cases of wine, meals/drinks paid for, golf vouchers, golf days, whisky/gin, as well as boxes of chocolates, etc. Its not just teachers who get them; just that teachers all get them at the same time as the 'end of contact' is the same date for them all.

However, it should never be expected - IME it isn't by the teachers and TAs I know and have worked with over the years; parents shouldn't feel they have to contribute and, certainly the staff I work with would never think negatively of a family who don't give a gift or card.
No parent should ever feel pressurised to contribute - the staff would hate that
It should be appropriate and of a limited value - whilst some parents may prefer a class gift the contribution from each family should still be limited.
Heartfelt, handwritten messages from parents and child are the best gift ever. Its really nice when these are verbal, if a little embarrassing but even better for them to be written so they can be kept.

BTW not all schools and all LEAs have rules over gift values.

The meal out, though I am sure if a nice thought, would be be practical. Not everyone will want to go, even in a really friendly staff group, and it will be really hard to get a date all could make. Its hard enough when it is an optional thing organised by the staff themselves.

Yup.

I am rarely lavished! I get the odd box of chocolates and cards occasionally which I always keep.

I did once receive a little cardboard desk tidy thing which the child had made himself and included a secret panel for a wee stick of chewing gum. I have no idea what made him come up with that idea but I properly cried at that gift

What a load of crap,,a thank you card or whatever is more than enough.

Did you realise teachers get paid?

Our school collection this year was £15 and I’m embarrassed to say I went along with it. I was going to make a stand and I caved in because I’m a new mum at the school.

I think it’s really unfair - not everyone can afford this much! Luckily for me it’s not an issue for me but I know it is for others. At our old school we had an envelope and people put in what they wanted - no set amount and as I did the collection a few times I do know that some people put in quite small amounts - it was so much better than these over organised collections where people are under pressure! I’m pretty sure teachers don’t want families going short to give them a present!

I have never contributed to class collections. I see gifts to teachers not only as away for me to say thank you but as a way to teach my children about ways they can acknowledge people who have done things for them. Me putting cash in an envelope is meaningless in that respect.

In your position, I would test the water on a couple of parents who you think might agree with you, point out it is a lot of money (no matter how affluent, it is impossible to tell what family finances are really like), and that a gift of more time with colleagues, and for someone, the chance to organise the event, is not really great gift. Also that for a class of 30 that is £450. Most primaries could think of far better ways to spend that cash.

Then, I would definitely voice my concerns as it likely most parents just haven't thought much about it and may well agree once you say something. But, I would be prepared to suggest alternatives and to organise them. For a class leaving the school, how about each child gets a pound to contribute and then the kids themselves decide what to buy their teacher between them? If parents want to contribute more, you could do an optional collection where they can contribute what they feel is right and make that a gift to the school to buy something long-lasting.

I had to Google it - some schools have a limit on the value of presents that can be received. Definitely worth checking whether your DC's school have such a policy - as that would be an easy get-out.

I'd check with the school policy if a gift above a certain amount will be allowed, they may have to declare it. At my dd's school anything above £10 isn't permitted so it would be worth checking. Lots of councils are now curbing this excessive gift culture which is now emerging.

That's too excessive and it would make everyone feel uncomfortable. I'm sure you're not the only one feeling this way so I'd stand up and say no.

Secondary teacher here. I very occasionally get a box of chocolates if I'm lucky! It is always personally written cards that you appreciate and treasure. A meal out might be fun or it might be hellish depending on the company, but it won't keep the teacher going on a day where everything's going wrong like a card on the wall can.

I’ve bought 3 x bottles of champagne for the two teachers and TA in my DC’s classes this year which cost me £75. I’ve also contributed £20 to each class collection meaning the three staff involved will get a decent gift voucher. Last year, it meant the teacher could by a beautiful pair of bar stools for her kitchen. The DC have also written their own thank you cards.

I have to say, reading some of the comments from the teachers on this thread I might keep the champagne for me and DH, as it doesn’t sound like it’s going to be appreciated at all! I was only trying to say thank you.

@edwinbear it's appreciated but not expected. There is a difference.

Edwin...that is a HUGE amount of money!

Our school have chosen a piece of equipment for the children who will remain at school, that the current year 6s can buy them as a leaving present. It works out at £11 per child, and the school will buy the equipment regardless of contributions by year 6s, but it will be nice to be able to say "From the Year 6 of 2018 to X Primary school".

Individuals, and companies, that routinely accept 'large' gifts do need to report them to HMRC as there are tax implications; in many companies you would be expected to pool all gifts and then auction them off for charity, or similar, in order to avoid taxation issues. I wonder how many teachers do this?

Any Headteachers around - what is your view on expensive gifts?

I think your best bet is to tactfully suggest this might not be the best thought out idea. As pps pointed out it's entirely possible that an evening spent socializing with work colleagues is the last thing some of the teachers will want to do. Also, the gift covers the cost of the meal but presumably not drinks so while availing of this it will actually cost them too. I generally don't think a gift that people have to spend additional money on is a great idea.

Re the cost, for some £15 is ott and for others it's reasonable. If you can't afford it then you can't but you've said yourself you did agree to contribute to an all class gift. It's unfortunate you didn't ask for a ball park figure but if you're now going to suggest something else you'll need to have an amount in mind.

What’s the chances of all teachers being able to make it anyway? It’s the holidays!

I'm in 2 minds about this.

IMO, a gift of £15 for a number of staff (Very unsure how many you're talking about here) let's say 10 staff, works out at only £1.50 each. Which is good "value". I've contributed a similar amout to a collection that's going to a similar number of staff (although its going to be vouchers that work at most shops in the area so much better than a meal)

So the other thing is the meal. I don't think it's a good idea. What if staff have to pay to get babysitting to actually attend the meal or something like that. It's going to end up costing them to go! They might not wish to go out with colleagues.

I'd suggest to the organiser a more generic voucher and then, depending on the number of staff, yes I'd contribute the £15.

Our philosophy about presents was we told parents if they asked that a card was lovely and very much appreciated but please don't do anything else. We still got occasional biscuits, chocolates or flowers or a mug but that was all. We were not allowed to accept alcohol and parents knew that. One mum made a lovely cake for the staff room on the last week of term before Christmas and the summer holidays and we were all delighted and looked forward to it.
I am always shocked by parents on mnet and what they seem to be expected to contribute to in some bits of the country or types of schools. In my experience in the north- east it never happens, not in my school or Dh's or friends who teach. We are happy with cards here. I don't think parents or children should spend their money on teachers or TAs.

Lol thats a bit weird why would they even think of tht..it is too much.. just refuse you dont have to imput any money

Definitely check with work with this one. I had compensation like this once and, because I am ridiculously honest and we are public sector and we are not allowed any slightest monetary perk like this, I tried to give the money to work, but to my surprise my department head said that I should keep it as it was me that had been delayed.

Unfortunately, the compo was in the form of a voucher for travel and I never got round to using it, so the money was wasted.

'the ticket refund minus a bottle glass of wine would be an acceptable amount to hand over' would certainly cause more trouble than it was worth where I work because our ethos is of the puritanical 'no free booze on the public dime ever' variety.