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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About a visitors when DH and I are away

99 replies

WheresYouWheelieBin · 04/07/2018 12:02

DH and I are going away for a long weekend, the first time we’ve been away together for more than a night at a time since we had our DCs (oldest is 12). DH’s parents are coming to stay to look after the DCs, they are staying in the guest room as they normally do when they visit. Last week I found out that DMIL’s sister is also coming to stay and will be sleeping in one of the DCs rooms so that child will be sleeping in my room. Now I find out that DMILs brother and his wife are also coming to stay and will be sleeping in the other DC’s room, so that child will also be sleeping in my room. Both DCs will have to use my bathroom as there will now be 5 adults using the other bathroom (which they usually use). I have not been asked about these visitors, I’ve been told by DH that they are visiting and he worked out sleeping arrangements with the in-laws. I’ve spent the week cleaning because I knew that the in-laws would have local family around to catch up while we are away. Now I have to clean another bedroom for family to sleep in while my oldest DC gets moved out to my room. AIBU to be annoyed? MIL is staying to care for the children, now she’ll be looking after 3 adults as well (4 if you count DFIL). DH doesn’t understand why I’m annoyed. I don’t understand why everyone has to stay at our house, I was originally told that DMILs brother and his wife would be staying with another family member who lives 5 minutes away from here. DH and I have had a huge blow up about it and we’re aupposed to be leaving for our trip tomorrow.

OP posts:
bigbluebus · 04/07/2018 12:05

They arranged all this with DH - let him do the additional cleaning/ bed changing. Sorted.

Quartz2208 · 04/07/2018 12:07

Yes this is your DH fault, your MIL asked him and he agreed it. Why should you be the one who does it

AveABanana · 04/07/2018 12:07

Fuck that. You get to clean up before and after - how does that make it a holiday for you? And your DC don't get a weekend with GPs, because GPs have invited all and sundry and will be busy hosting them. And you get to think they've all come so as rhey don't have to see you. I'd be annoyed at your daft husband.

cloudtree · 04/07/2018 12:07

I would not be having this at all. Its a complete piss take. Why on earth have they invited them to your house and not their own on a different weekend?

LagunaBubbles · 04/07/2018 12:08

Why do you think it's your MILs job to look after all the adults? Confused

BrutusMcDogface · 04/07/2018 12:08

Wtf! This is very strange indeed. I wouldn't be happy. It's obviously very kind of the inlaws to look after your children, but hosting the rest of the family at your home?! Again- wtf.

GabriellaMontez · 04/07/2018 12:08

I'd be annoyed at him making these unilateral decisions.

I wouldn't be cleaning.

LePetitPont · 04/07/2018 12:11

Wow - so bizarre! Why can’t all the extra family members not go to your IL’s house when they are there rather than displacing your children and causing extra work? Your DH clearly hasn’t thought this one through...

CloudCaptain · 04/07/2018 12:11

Sounds like you're hosting a house party. Let's hope it doesn't get out of hand on social media.
This is quite bizarre idea to me but I prefer my privacy.
Let dh (and visitors) know he is doing the cleaning and prep.

crumble82 · 04/07/2018 12:13

I’d be annoyed, I say I’d let him clean but in reality I’d probably do it. There’s no point saying anything to the ILs as they haven’t really done anything wrong, in their eyes they asked and it was agreed.

Maybe get your DH to treat you to a spa treatment while you’re away to make up for it.

BrutusMcDogface · 04/07/2018 12:16

Maybe get your DH to treat you to a spa treatment while you’re away to make up for it.

😂

That wouldn't cut it for me. Why do spa treatments solve everything on mn?!

I'd expect him to do all the cleaning, and do it properly. That might make up for it to some extent.

BlueEyedPersephone · 04/07/2018 12:17

I would point out that given it is the first time you've gone away, your children need to be in their own rooms and have as much normality as possible, so if people want to stay they need to be in inflatables in other rooms, their comfort comes behind your children. Your DH needs to fix.
Your duh family is talking the piss

Trinity66 · 04/07/2018 12:20

Oh I hate people staying in my house, especially if I'm not there but I would have found it hard to say no when the PIL are doing you a favour aswell, I'd definitely be making sure your DH was doing alot of the cleaning though, I don't know what way your DH is but mine would be pretty good for that

52FestiveRoad · 04/07/2018 12:23

yanbu- is your home in a tourist spot? Sounds like one person asked to come and it has snowballed into a party! Your DH was completely out of order to not discuss it with you first. Is it too late to cancel the weekend? I would not feel like going after that .

Layla8 · 04/07/2018 12:23

Why are you tolerating this ? Why are you doing the cleaning ? Your DH and in laws are being complete arses.

BlingLoving · 04/07/2018 12:25

I don't see what the problem is (except for the cleaning). MIL is stayingg at your house along with other Ils. They organised. You won't be there. So you shouldn't care. Clearly however, you shouldn't have to do all the extra cleaning - that's MILs problem or perhaps DH. Not yours.

Returnofthesmileybar · 04/07/2018 12:26

I would hate this too, not just because of the extra work but the thoughts of people in my house when I am not there would really bother me

bluemoonchances · 04/07/2018 12:28

To be fair it's your DH's house too and he has agreed this, so it's not you MIL fault.

The cleaning thing, tell your DH to do it. If he won't then whether the cleaning is done is up to you. You don't have to do it either.

Bluelady · 04/07/2018 12:29

Don't clean. Let them get on with it. Make your husband clean when they've gone. I can't see the relevance of the bathroom use.

Oh, and lose your libido for the weekend!

52FestiveRoad · 04/07/2018 12:32

You won't be there. So you shouldn't care.

The OP has every right to care who is in her house when she is not there. Just because it would not bother you, it clearly bothers her. The DH should not have organised it behind her back. OP do your ILs know that you had not agreed to any of this? Your DH may not have told them that he had not discussed it with you first. Could you ring them and explain?

HollowTalk · 04/07/2018 12:32

What? All those people in your house when you're not there? No way. I wouldn't go on the trip and wouldn't let any of them in.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 04/07/2018 12:33

I wouldn't go. I'd stay at home with the kids while he went on holiday alone (or he could take all the relliesif he wanted to) , and I'd have a good time, too.

He's a selfish prick, and your in-laws are cheeky effers.

Arum51 · 04/07/2018 12:33

OMG, I'd be fucking furious with him! You mean he just arranged all this, behind your back, and you've only just discovered the extent of it? I'd be raging! I dislike having other people staying in my house at the best of times, and DH deciding to turn it into Party Centraal while we're away would be completely unacceptable. And no, I wouldn't be doing any sodding cleaning!

bakingdemon · 04/07/2018 12:37

He absolutely should not have agreed this without asking you. And given you aren't happy, this shouldn't be happening. Agree with other poster that you should insist your kids are in their own rooms. You also need to tell them that they need to wash and change all the sheets before they leave, and ensure every room is spotless, or they can pay for a cleaner, given the number of additional people who'll be in your home.

trojanpony · 04/07/2018 12:37

Fuck that. You get to clean up before and after - how does that make it a holiday for you?

THIS.

Your husband has been very thoughtless I’d explicitly state I was leaving him to sort all cleaning.
If you get anything other than a resounding “of course my love” I’d geniunely consider not going. It sounds utterly exhausting Envy