About a visitors when DH and I are away

[WheresYouWheelieBin]

DH and I are going away for a long weekend, the first time we’ve been away together for more than a night at a time since we had our DCs (oldest is 12). DH’s parents are coming to stay to look after the DCs, they are staying in the guest room as they normally do when they visit. Last week I found out that DMIL’s sister is also coming to stay and will be sleeping in one of the DCs rooms so that child will be sleeping in my room. Now I find out that DMILs brother and his wife are also coming to stay and will be sleeping in the other DC’s room, so that child will also be sleeping in my room. Both DCs will have to use my bathroom as there will now be 5 adults using the other bathroom (which they usually use). I have not been asked about these visitors, I’ve been told by DH that they are visiting and he worked out sleeping arrangements with the in-laws. I’ve spent the week cleaning because I knew that the in-laws would have local family around to catch up while we are away. Now I have to clean another bedroom for family to sleep in while my oldest DC gets moved out to my room. AIBU to be annoyed? MIL is staying to care for the children, now she’ll be looking after 3 adults as well (4 if you count DFIL). DH doesn’t understand why I’m annoyed. I don’t understand why everyone has to stay at our house, I was originally told that DMILs brother and his wife would be staying with another family member who lives 5 minutes away from here. DH and I have had a huge blow up about it and we’re aupposed to be leaving for our trip tomorrow.

It shouldn't be you or your dh cleaning it should be the ILs!! They're the ones who have invited half the family to stay.

In all honesty your DH needs to back track with your MIL and say the kids need their own beds to sleep in to minimise disruption for them. And that you are only comfortable with your ILs staying.

Why is it just you cleaning and why is MIL 'looking after' grown adults? Weird sexist nonsense in your house!

Thanks for your points of view. We’re not in a tourist spot, far from it, we live in a very boring house in a very ordinary suburb! I am very grateful to my PIL for helping out as I don’t have any family, but I’m annoyed that them coming here to look after my girls has snowballed into other family members coming to stay as well. I’m also upset that DH has gone off at me for expressing my annoyance. DH won’t do any cleaning and I don’t feel that I can expect my MIL to do it as she will still be a guest in my house, so it’ll be left to me to do. I am worried about leaving the DCs for a few nights, so that anxiety is not helping my mood.

Blue lady, I mentioned the bathroom as my DCs will get moved out of their bathroom as well as their bedrooms to accomodate the visitors.

Back to basics here - In laws don't get to invite their family to stay in your house without your permission. Rinse and repeat.

Have an ‘emergency’ so that you have to cancel your weekend away. Regrettably, this means the ILs can no longer come round.

Your DH is taking the mick out of you, and you’re likely to spend the weekend worrying about all those ILs in your house.

Could your fil clean then?
I agree though I'd hate this

Tell your DH that your children do not get moved from their rooms to accommodate univited guests. I'd be fuming at this. And what is this about your DH not doing any cleaning?! Personally I wouldn't want to go away with him.

Not sure I'd be that up for an amorous weekend away after all that.

I get the feeling that your IL’s see your house as some sort of huge holiday home they have hired and are inviting half their family to enjoy the holiday with them! I would not be happy with this AT ALL. Your children need and are entitled to have their own space, they won’t have access to their own bedrooms, toys, clothes or most importantly private space!

Is your home more luxurious than your IL’s and their family are used to?

I'd tell your H that you won't be going away, tell him to fuck off on his own. And if he won't help with the cleaning then stop doing his laundry/ironing/cooking his meals, the fucker can look after himself, selfish git.

They will end up sleeping in your bed and using your bathroom...

So you were expecting a nice cosy weekend with your kids being looked after by the in-laws and occasional rellies popping in for tea, but behind your back (and that's the crucial part for me) plans have been made for a weekend house party?

Fuck that for a game of soldiers! I'd cancel, because even if you make your feeling clear, you are likely to be ignored.

OP - I think you should go away alone or with friends and leave DH at home with all his relatives. Make it clear to DH that you expect a spotless house on your return.
I don't know what kind of manners our ILs have to go inviting people even relatives into your house during your absence

I would tell your husband to take his weekend away and shove it up his arse! I would be staying at home and not letting any of the visitors in. Your husband organised this with his mother, he can unorganise it! I wouldn't want other people staying in my house and its not a break if you have to clean before you go and when you get back. I would be raging, how dare he organise this behind your back.

This wouldn’t worry me, they’re family and doing me a favour. It could be fun for your children and not having use of their bathroom and bedrooms for a weekend isn’t that bad.

Do you mean he’s refusing to clean now or he never cleans?

It’s an absolute joke and completely unacceptable. How well do you know these people? How do you know your kids will be safe around them? And that’s before getting on to the imposition, the extra work etc. Just no.

WTF OP?! Your DH REFUSES to do any cleaning??? Is that just in this instance or all the time??

Maybe you could call your MIL and say "DH has just told me that there'll be quite a few staying while we're away. I'm afraid I really do not have time to set up all the extra bedrooms, so I'll have to leave it for you or your sister/brother/cat whoever else is staying.. However I'm assuming they'll be going home to sleep in their own beds since its only 5 mins away? If they do end up staying over can you make sure that you leave everything as you found it? I don't want to have to come home to a load of housework after having cleaned before I left. Oh and the food in the fridge/freezer needs to be left where it is"

Take the kids with you and leave husband at home.
Can’t imagine a bigger turn off than creating extra housework and worry.

“DH won’t do any cleaning”

What a lovely person to be spending a long weekend with.LTB

DH won’t do any cleaning

This would be my biggest issue of everything you mentioned, you're not his house keeper

If there's anything worse than hosting visitors, it's hosting visitors when you're away. I'd be throwing a sickie and cancelling my trip away... but I am extremely territorial and unreasonable!

I know they are family but I would not want loads of people staying in my house. They'll be on top of each other. It'll probably be a shit tip by the time you get back, no food left and no toilet paper left. I can't believe your DH has agreed to this. Does he not want you and your family to have any modicum of privacy? They could be going through all your drawers and all kinds.

I know they are family but I would not want loads of people staying in my house. They'll be on top of each other. It'll probably be a shit tip by the time you get back, no food left and no toilet paper left. I can't believe your DH has agreed to this. Does he not want you and your family to have any modicum of privacy? They could be going through all your drawers and all kinds.

That sounds really annoying but it is your DH’s fault for agreeing to it. It’s the kind of thing that mine would do as he wouldn’t think it mattered much. But I’d be worried about the kids being unsettled in their own home.

No advice - I guess you have to decide how much it matters to you. Is it the kids you worry about or the cleaning. If it’s the kids then put your foot down. If it’s the cleaning then simply don’t do it!

I would just cancel the weekend away TBH. I couldn't bear to have all those people in my home while I was away.