To be annoyed that DH had gone to watch the football with his friends tonight

[Sunrise888]

I know it's the World Cup/big England game and all, but...

I am on maternity leave. Last week DH worked very late every night. Baby and I suffered heavy colds all last week and this week, so I'm sleep deprived, sick and have terrible hay fever too. DH had plans to play local football Monday, Wednesday, Thursday this week. I don't usually mind as it's usually twice a week, three matches is a little unusual (mix of local leagues and kick abouts). Because of his long hours he goes straight to football after work, and I'm left with the baby until 8, 9, 10 pm.

Tonight was meant to be my night (DH had some half baked plan to take baby to the pub for the match (???)), but I felt too poorly to go out. So I told DH this afternoon that I had decided to stay at home. Now DH has just messaged me to say that he's off to watch football with his mates. 😡

Is it too much to ask that when I am not well enough to go out on my night off, it does not mean that I want to spend the evening looking after the baby ALONE AGAIN.

@ReservoirDogs
Oh for goodness sake, pack it in! You do realise that OP's DH isn't entitled to watch the football (or indeed play football) whilst OP picks up the slack. They both have a baby and therefore are both equally responsible for the baby when the DH is not at work. Yes the world cup is once every 4 years but her DH has also happily committed to playing for multiple football matches a week. If it was just about watching the England matches it's pretty clear that OP wouldn't have an issue but her DH has effectively made himself completely unavailable for the majority of the week.

As things stand OP has little opportunity to pursue any hobbies or interests whilst yoi are advocating that her DH should be absolved of all parenting duties for the majority of nights in the week so he can follow his interest. This is ridiculously unfair and would set a horrible precedent for the future
Why on earth should OP be guilt tripped or made to feel a party pooper for refusing to be the default parent?

OP stand your ground!

BumpityBump

Calm down. OP can stand her ground all she wants. She asked AIBU and I gave my reasons why she was which were similar to many other posters on this thread.

On a separate note why is a baby being fed fishfingers and breadsticks if it is still under 1?

The OP started the thread during the match. Her DH wanted to watch it. She clearly didn't - no wonder he made arrangements to see it with people who did.

As regards the number of teams/training sessions and matches he plays a week that is indeed a separate issue which they should discuss as a couple. However the timing of the England matches were not fixed until such time we knew where in the group we had finished and therefore flexibility was needed to accommodate viewing. OP had no actual arrangements other than she wanted someone to take the baby that evening. DH offered to take baby with him but she said no.

She was trying to control him and guilt him into not going an it backfired.

If she is unhappy with his hobby arrangements speak to him rather than post in AIBU.

As with all of MN on any post involving world cup football there are 2 camps - those to whom it matters and those tk whom it doesn't!

It doesn't matter to OP and some posters and it does matter to others so they can see where DH is coming from.

I bet even when he left to watch the match she told him it was fine in that way some people do when they don't mean it. Some people are not emotionally intelligent enough to realise those "fines" mean "not fine actually". I suspect her DH is one and probably doesn't understand what he has done wrong.

Also bad cold,tired and hayfever - I understand you'd feel rough but you are not really ill or not perceived to be ill by your DH.

An almost one year old isn't easy either? I found the newborn stage easier (though tiring) because I could nap when ds did, the toddler stage can be a lot harder... They need a lot more attention and they nap less...

I would have been annoyed in your position too

Glad you got a couple of nights to recuperate!

@ReservoirDogs you make a lot of assumptions about us based on a few posts I made when I was feeling annoyed. You are wrong about every single one. I just wanted to vent. People posted sympathetically or not and either way it helped me feel better. I don't know why you are minimising my feelings - why is it so hard to believe that I was struggling to cope?

Anyway I'm bored of your posts now. As you are just making stuff up and talking about me so rudely I won't bother responding to them anymore.

Thanks @lapenguin, yes I agree, when lo was a newborn I felt I got more sleep and more "time off" when the baby was napping. Now lo can climb the sofa, and we have not baby proofed to that altitude! Plus he is super clingy. So he wants constant attention which is tiring, and he can't be trusted on his own either!

Maybe post in chat rather than AIBU if you don't want to be told that yes you are being unreasonable.