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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DH had gone to watch the football with his friends tonight

107 replies

Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 19:18

I know it's the World Cup/big England game and all, but...

I am on maternity leave. Last week DH worked very late every night. Baby and I suffered heavy colds all last week and this week, so I'm sleep deprived, sick and have terrible hay fever too. DH had plans to play local football Monday, Wednesday, Thursday this week. I don't usually mind as it's usually twice a week, three matches is a little unusual (mix of local leagues and kick abouts). Because of his long hours he goes straight to football after work, and I'm left with the baby until 8, 9, 10 pm.

Tonight was meant to be my night (DH had some half baked plan to take baby to the pub for the match (???)), but I felt too poorly to go out. So I told DH this afternoon that I had decided to stay at home. Now DH has just messaged me to say that he's off to watch football with his mates. 😡

Is it too much to ask that when I am not well enough to go out on my night off, it does not mean that I want to spend the evening looking after the baby ALONE AGAIN.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 19:56

@Loopytiles actually he's great with domestic week and looking after the baby. This is uncharacteristically thoughtless.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 19:57

Thanks, I'm feeling better reading all the replies, for and against!

OP posts:
ReadingRiot · 03/07/2018 19:57

Tonight alone I'd say it's once every four years but to be out every other evening this week too is not on.

Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 19:59

We had a couple of bad arguments this week, but managed to talk it out. I think we are still both short tempered from tiredness though. I don't want to spoil the peace over bloody football.

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 03/07/2018 19:59

The thing is he was throwing suggestions at me, like taking the baby to the pub (uh, no), bringing friends to our tiny flat (unwise),

They don't seem like bad ideas to me. I'd be in the pub if I had a baby tonight. I am in the pub - plenty of tidy babies; everyone is being very helpful to the mums, the babies seem happy.

I can understand wanting to not be left alone with the baby all the time ; but it seems odd to demand that he's home if there are alternatives.

Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 20:00

I'll insist he gives tmw to me. On Thursday I've booked the gym after his match actually so at least we are sharing responsibilities.

OP posts:
Lazypuppy · 03/07/2018 20:02

Last England match i went out with baby and partner to the pub to watch it

nboss · 03/07/2018 20:02

Based on what you've written so far, he has made clear what he wants but you have not, you've simply told him that you don't want to go out tonight and now you're telling us that you don't want him to have left him with the baby.

Tell him precisely what you want, then take issue if he's unreasonable about giving you what you want.

Seasawride · 03/07/2018 20:02

You know what op I think this is teething problems op. New parents have them. Talk it through. And by the way it gets better Grin

Lostalldirection · 03/07/2018 20:03

I could forgive the going to the pub to watch the football this eve as it's the world cup and once every four years blah blah blah....

I'm more interested in the playing football after work three nights this week and going straight to football and getting home when it's time to go to bed. You're making a rod for your own back here. The fact you're on maternity leave must mean your baby is very young. Your DH needs to wake up to the reality that time not spent at work is no longer his 'free/fun' time to do as he pleases with, things have changed, he now has a baby that needs to be looked after and whilst he is at 'work' you are 'working' at home looking after the baby and he needs to do his share in the evening/weekends.

Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 20:03

I was put off the pub idea because it's a student one - last time DH went he said it wouldn't have been a good idea to bring the baby.

Can see how a family pub would have been fun though. If England make it through I'll suggest that with his friends.

OP posts:
Popc0rn · 03/07/2018 20:04

He did suggest things that included you and the baby, like going to the pub and having people over to watch it; you didn't fancy either. Fair enough, but I wouldn't say he's been totally thoughtless here; he's a man and they definitely can't read minds or pick up hints. Just tell him you don't want him out so much this week cos you've been ill, so no footie tomorrow or Thursday.

Lazypuppy · 03/07/2018 20:04

If he was offering to take baby to pub why didn't he? If you didn't want to go with them you could have had some peace and quiet at home

Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 20:05

Yeah, you are right I should have been clearer. Still cross though!

OP posts:
BackforGood · 03/07/2018 20:05

It's not about watching this match though, it's about his expectation that he can just carry on a if he weren't a parent.
He can't genuinely think he is being unreasonable to be out 13, 14 hours a day, 3 or 4 times a week when the baby needs attention ? He needs to take a long look at himself

Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 20:05

And I forgot that men aren't mind readers 😁

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 20:05

Baby is almost one.

OP posts:
iloveredwine · 03/07/2018 20:06

if baby can have fish fingers baby is not that tiny. put baby to bed and you go too!

Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 20:07

@Seasawride thanks! Yes, we are still figuring out out!

OP posts:
mswales · 03/07/2018 20:07

Regardless of tonight it does seems very unfair for him to be out of the house two or three evenings a week for leisure time, particularly if he works late a lot as well.

Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 20:08

@iloveredwine I wish! Baby went to bed early (yay!) and woke up unexpectedly (no!) Now he needs lots of attention. Might get the fish fingers on...

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 03/07/2018 20:08

He could have watched it at home.

He's a dick.

Whose life hasn't changed in the slightest since the baby has been born, has it?

Your situation doesn't sound fair to you at all.

Chocolatecake12 · 03/07/2018 20:09

My dp has monopolised the tv for every match every evening so far during the World Cup. I’m not into football but quite like watching an England match. But so far every England match he’s watched at his mates house! So the only game I want to watch I watch alone but am stuck watching every other bloody game
I’ll be glad when it’s all over
I feel your pain op

Seniorcitizen1 · 03/07/2018 20:10

YBU - WC is once every 4 years - give him a break

Maelstrop · 03/07/2018 20:10

2-3 times a week he’s put til possibly 10pm with football? That needs to change, surely? He does know he has a child and partner, doesn’t he?

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