Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DH had gone to watch the football with his friends tonight

107 replies

Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 19:18

I know it's the World Cup/big England game and all, but...

I am on maternity leave. Last week DH worked very late every night. Baby and I suffered heavy colds all last week and this week, so I'm sleep deprived, sick and have terrible hay fever too. DH had plans to play local football Monday, Wednesday, Thursday this week. I don't usually mind as it's usually twice a week, three matches is a little unusual (mix of local leagues and kick abouts). Because of his long hours he goes straight to football after work, and I'm left with the baby until 8, 9, 10 pm.

Tonight was meant to be my night (DH had some half baked plan to take baby to the pub for the match (???)), but I felt too poorly to go out. So I told DH this afternoon that I had decided to stay at home. Now DH has just messaged me to say that he's off to watch football with his mates. 😡

Is it too much to ask that when I am not well enough to go out on my night off, it does not mean that I want to spend the evening looking after the baby ALONE AGAIN.

OP posts:
JennyHolzersGhost · 03/07/2018 20:11

Agree he’s being a dick but also agree you need to communicate with him.

“If you are out this evening then which evening this week that you were planning to be out for will you be cancelling so that I can get some time to myself? I don’t mind which evenings you take as your time but I do need you to do a share of the childcare because that is what is fair.”

gingercat02 · 03/07/2018 20:12

He's out, you're not well. Get the fish finger eating baby settled and go to bed!

BirthdayKake · 03/07/2018 20:13

Baby is nearly one?!

Ok... They should be sleeping at night now, surely?!

I don't know what to think. I love the World Cup but I'd be fucked off being left alone on all those other nights.

Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 20:16

Baby is having a breadstick while waiting for the fish fingers. I've got a magnum in hand. 😁 I bought a pack of 3 yesterday and I found only one left! More unreasonableness! 😁

OP posts:
FunnysInLaJardin · 03/07/2018 20:18

He doesn't need to go out to watch the WC. DH is watching it at home like he always does.

Your DH is building up unnecessary resentment between you.

YANBU

GirlsBlouse17 · 03/07/2018 20:22

I dont think he has to be an avid football watcher normally to have to get excited about watching the World Cup. Also watching the match at home with you who isn't that interested in the game I'm guessing, is a bit different to watching it in the pub with a group of mates and a crowd who are interested in and excited by the game. Also don't text him with demands while he is trying to enjoy the match. Don't spoil this for him.

However, I think he does need to review his usual local football commitments and let you have a break in the next few days

Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 20:25

I agree, I'm not going to spoil his enjoyment of the game, but I will insist on more time to myself this week suggest no more than 2 weekday evenings a week.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 20:27

And if he has to work late then he should sacrifice football, not me.

OP posts:
Thissameearth · 03/07/2018 20:34

The England game kicked off at 7pm. I have 9 month old and so that’s bath done getting into grobag and last feed time. He was watching it at a pub which you said is at opposite end of town. So his plan was to keep baby out til 9pm/10pm (not allowing for extra time and penalties as it’s knockouts) in busy pub with people boozing and shouting at screen (Nb this is me and my husband now in living room 🤣). Shite plan even if baby was feeling well. Fair enough, routine can get binned if wedding or party, but football match nah. My husband normally does bath and then I feed to sleep but if he’s not home in time for that say 6.30 then it doesn’t matter when he’ll be in as baby will be asleep and I can get on with getting organised or chilling out. But when baby is ill they might be up and down after you’ve put them down so it’s nice if you can switch off if husband’s home, get a bath etc and know won’t need to dash out. He’s not being fair - you’re ill and tired and sounds like he’s out a lot in evenings anyway and you’re default in and on duty. Are you back at work soon if baby is almost a year?

LuluJakey1 · 03/07/2018 20:39

DH has gone to the pub. Important England matches are few and far between.
I am watching with a glass of wine, DC asleep. Colombia are awful- arguing constantly and playing very dirty.

StroppyWoman · 03/07/2018 20:39

YANBU
He could just have easily watched the football at home, and juggled baby care around it, especially if you are feeling rough.
To expect you to do the evening routine for 4 nights while he either plays or watches football is taking the piss.
Rest up, be kind to yourself, and get well soon

Ginger1982 · 03/07/2018 20:40

I actually can't believe all the posters saying, 'it's the World Cup,' 'once every 4 years,' 'This may be the last match England play...' give me a fucking break. It's on the fucking telly! Why couldn't he watch it at home?

That aside, OP, you need to have a word about how much time during the week he is spending playing football. I'm all for having hobbies, but he needs to realise that his life does have to change a bit too. He needs to stop being so selfish.

Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 20:41

@Thissameearth yes exactly, our routine has been awful recently, I'm just trying to get baby back on routine so taking him to the pub didn't seem like a good idea at all! I think baby's developing separation anxiety too as he's become SO clingy recently, so I can't get him to play on his own to get some downtime when he's awake, and I feed him to sleep and usually have to wait a while for him to go into deep sleep, so not much time to myself there either. (We are trying to a few things to make all this easier, but it's going to take time.)

Yes going back to work in a month. We'll re-evaluate our responsibilities before then 😊

OP posts:
MorganKitten · 03/07/2018 20:46

It’s the World Cup. It’s fun!
Should have let him take the baby to the pub, my local has dads with babies strapped to them right now.

SugarIsAmazing · 03/07/2018 20:48

Why is it on MN that because one partner has a hobby that takes them out of the house for two or three evenings the other one must immediately get one?
My partner is out at his hobby a lot but I don't feel the need to go out "just because". I'm sure half of you would go out because it's 50/50 even if you didn't want to. It reminds me of my children eating sweets they don't like just so the sibling can't have them.

WhatDidItSay · 03/07/2018 20:51

Haven't read all the thread

I think you are being unreasonable.

How about arranging something for yourself another evening.

Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 20:53

Yeah I don't want to kill the fun. I appreciated the sense of occasion of an England match in previous World Cups, but I feel like my fun side had completely evaporated since we had our lo!

Baby's enjoying his first fish fingers anyway. I've kept some aside for DH, to take some of the sting off the chat we are going to have when he gets home 😁

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 03/07/2018 20:57

Watch the game at home, babe in arms, and let you have a sleep is what I'm thinking.

How selfish to be a family man, swan off to hobby regularly and now he can't stay home for 1 night whilst his DW is unwell? So what if it's the World Cup? It's not as if he wouldn't have been able to watch the match!

The whole "lads life" thing is not on. He's a dad now, things change it's grow up time.

I hope he misses playing football later this week to be home. It doesn't even sound as if you spend much time together.

Hope you feel better soon

GirlsBlouse17 · 03/07/2018 20:57

I can believe all the posters saying it's the World Cup. Watching it on your own at home on the TV is not the same as watching it with a crowd somewhere.

OnlyBaBaBiss · 03/07/2018 21:03

How is feeding the baby fishfingers at 9pm ‘getting him into a routine’ ?! Confused

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 03/07/2018 21:04

Just because it's the world cup, doesn't give everyone -especially those with responsibilities exactly this! I care for my grandparents along with my sister's help. I don't think she would be impressed if I decided I didn't have to do it because I wanted to watch the world cup and leave her to do it all!

Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 21:09

@OnlyBaBaBiss Well the routine didn't work tonight! Baby feel asleep much earlier than usual at 6pm so I put him to bed and I thought he was down for the night. As it was he woke up an hour later and wouldn't be settled. From past experience we should just trear this as a nap and he won't be tired again for another 3-4h. He missed dinner because he went to bed early, and was so whiny I decided to give him fish fingers because it was quick and new to him so he'd probably try it. I've also steamed vegetables which he's gobbled up.

OP posts:
mamansnet · 03/07/2018 21:13

OP, put the telly on and teach your baby to watch the football. If by some miracle England win, your DH will have no excuse not to take him to the pub for the next match Grin

GirlsBlouse17 · 03/07/2018 21:24

The way the match is going OP, your husband could be a bit deflated when he gets home!

GirlsBlouse17 · 03/07/2018 22:02

Just as well he didnt take your baby to the pub! With extra time and penalties, and with England winning, it will be a late boozy one !