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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DH had gone to watch the football with his friends tonight

107 replies

Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 19:18

I know it's the World Cup/big England game and all, but...

I am on maternity leave. Last week DH worked very late every night. Baby and I suffered heavy colds all last week and this week, so I'm sleep deprived, sick and have terrible hay fever too. DH had plans to play local football Monday, Wednesday, Thursday this week. I don't usually mind as it's usually twice a week, three matches is a little unusual (mix of local leagues and kick abouts). Because of his long hours he goes straight to football after work, and I'm left with the baby until 8, 9, 10 pm.

Tonight was meant to be my night (DH had some half baked plan to take baby to the pub for the match (???)), but I felt too poorly to go out. So I told DH this afternoon that I had decided to stay at home. Now DH has just messaged me to say that he's off to watch football with his mates. 😡

Is it too much to ask that when I am not well enough to go out on my night off, it does not mean that I want to spend the evening looking after the baby ALONE AGAIN.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 22:23

Huh, he missed extra time to go back to work! ☹️

It's a crucial year for him and I said I'd be supportive but this isn't fair.

OP posts:
tinyme77 · 03/07/2018 22:27

I think that you should let be ok with this as long as he gives you a rest tomorrow. I would have gone if I was him. Just would expect you to get an equivalent treat.

Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 22:37

I don't object that he went to watch even though I've been ill - if it was the only thing going on in the week then I would have supported him. But he prearranged all these football matches for himself knowing when the England match was on and still agreed that I should have tonight off, and when I decided I would rather stay in, buggered off without telling me (at least I don't think he did). If he wanted to be considerate he should have stuck to his plan to take the baby with him, or stayed at home with me to look after the baby so I could have some rest.

OP posts:
Popc0rn · 03/07/2018 22:53

"The thing is he was throwing suggestions at me, like taking the baby to the pub (uh, no)"

"If he wanted to be considerate he should have stuck to his plan to take the baby with him"

...you told him not to take the baby to the pub, and now you're annoyed he didn't take the baby to the pub Hmm. Sorry OP, but you sound like hard work in this scenario tbh. Just figure out what you would like him to do, clearly voice this to him, and if he doesn't do it then you can get annoyed!

Original poster
Sunrise888 · 03/07/2018 23:07

...you told him not to take the baby to the pub, and now you're annoyed he didn't take the baby to the pub hmm. Sorry OP, but you sound like hard work in this scenario tbh.

There's no need to nitpick 😊. I guess I mean considerate from his perspective - it would have been kinder to have taken the baby off my hands in any circumstance. In any case he is home now and I'm too tired to talk to him properly, too tired to have enjoyed the baby at all this evening, and I've left it up to DH to clean and tidy. Tomorrow I'll ask him to choose Wednesday or Thursday football but not both.

OP posts:
Ethylred · 03/07/2018 23:12

Christ I want to go to the pub to escape you and I'm not even married to you.

LannieDuck · 03/07/2018 23:19

Just figure out what you would like him to do

She wants him to take the baby for a bit and give her a break. She might not be well enough to go out for the evening, but she'd still like an evening 'off-duty'. I thought it was quite obvious from her posts.

AlphaBravo · 03/07/2018 23:27

@Ethylred mines a lager n lime. I'll join you. Jesus OP. It's the World Cup. Where England are doing well for once. Pack it in and grow a pair. And if your kid can eat fishfingers it isn't really a difficult baby anymore. It's pretty much a toddler.

Clarissa111 · 04/07/2018 00:34

The World Cup happens every 4 yrs. lots of people watch the England games that are not big fans. I think give him a pass for this.
But the fact he’s out 3 times a week and you feel you don’t get any free time, that’s your problem. That’s not fair.

GirlsBlouse17 · 04/07/2018 19:28

Strange he should leave the pub at the crucial bit of the match after 9pm to go back to work!?

NameChange30 · 04/07/2018 19:34

Is he definitely working and not cheating?

Given that he spends so little time at home with his partner and child, I wouldn’t be surprised.

ReadingRiot · 04/07/2018 19:43

Does he play for more than one club? No one plays 3 games in four days. Also there is no competitive football atm, the season's finished.

user1487194234 · 04/07/2018 20:15

Did you have a particular reason why you didn't want the baby in the pub eg would your DH drink too much or is it a very rough pub
Otherwise I don't see how you get to tell your DH he can't take the baby there
My DH is the easiest going man alive but he would not be happy if I tried to tell him where he could take his children

Original poster
Sunrise888 · 05/07/2018 05:55

DH plays for a two different local leagues, and was invited to a third one - right now it's thrown together for the summer and very informal.

He went back to the office during the match to and watched the rest of it there while finishing off stuff at work and to recharge his bike lights.

I objected to the pub because it's used by students and he's said before he wouldn't want to bring a baby to it. In retrospect I can see it would have been fun at a family pub. I don't tell DH where he can and cannot take the baby, but I'd expect us both to discuss it when it's after lo's bedtime and when everyone is partying.

Yes I'm sure he's not cheating, he's devoted to us both even though he's been so busy recently. He logs all his bike commutes and exercise on Strava anyway, which is full of squiggles on football fields 😁.

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 05/07/2018 06:06

Has he actually clocked that he has a baby? He can watch the bloody World Cup at home. Unfair to leave everything to you when you’re not well. Don’t care if it’s only once in 4 years, there’ll be another in 2022.

GirlsBlouse17 · 07/07/2018 14:04

Hi Sunrise hope DH has been giving you a break. Are you watching the match together today?

ReservoirDogs · 07/07/2018 14:11

You clearly weren't that ill as you were sat there munching on Magnums and mumsnetting! I think you were just trying to control him and ruin his enjoyment and the camaraderie the World Cup has brought the country except for a miserable few.

I hope you are not going to be back making a big deal of today's match!

(It's coming home!)

ReservoirDogs · 07/07/2018 14:13

Also until the last match of the first round was played no-one knew when the first England knockout match would be for sure so its not like he planned it!!

Original poster
Sunrise888 · 07/07/2018 15:11

Thanks @GirlsBlouse17. Yes DH cancelled Wednesday and Thursday to look after the baby. After 2 weeks of illness I'm feeling so much better now and more like my old self. We are watching the match together now 😊.

@ReservoirDogs thanks for your conclusions. I hope you have someone to look after you and your baby when you feel as tired, sick and alone as I did.

OP posts:
Plantlover · 07/07/2018 15:25

Ethylred and alpha

Your comments to the op are vile and unnecessary.

Reservoir

Your comments were unkind too.

ReservoirDogs · 07/07/2018 18:39

My comments may have been harsh but they were true. The baby is not a baby as it can eat fish fingers and the OP really wasn't that ill eating her Magnum and posting throughout the match. The next match will be Wednesday now they've won today. I assume the OP will have another issue to try to prevent her football living husband enjoying a once in 4 year event.

ReservoirDogs · 07/07/2018 18:41

Yes if I was truly sick my DH would stay home and look after me - the same as the OP's husband would have had he believed she was ill and not just trying to control him.

ApolloniaC · 07/07/2018 18:47

Wow. So football can only be watched in pubs now? We're a family of 4. We watch the football at home or together in a pub. None of this "let the man be" stuff!

Original poster
Sunrise888 · 07/07/2018 19:27

@ReservoirDogs I don't try to control DH 🙄 Fgs, it's not like I made him leave him come home - he went out and had a good time.

We had an agreement that I had Tuesday off, and DH broke it. I was coughing my guts out and ice cream helped. I was tired and upset and I needed to vent. We've had a chat since and we're fine now. I'm sure he'll watch football with his mates next week - I just ask that it doesn't come at the expense of time off for me. That's the extent of the story.

Sorry I didn't appear to be ill enough for you. But if you had a heavy cold, terrible hay fever and had been looking after your baby from 8am-bedtime for 9 days straight and then didn't get your night off at the last minute without any discussion, then I'd challenge anyone not be tired, upset and feel a little wronged too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunrise888 · 07/07/2018 19:31

And when is an under 1yo not a baby?

OP posts:
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