Wedding Drama

[michelle2005dolphin]

morning all, I'm having an issue with one of my bridesmaids, would sure appreciate some help.

We announced we had finally set the date and booked venues and paid deposits, Dj's, photographers bla bla, and one of my bridesmaid who is engaged to my fiance's friend who is best man, is acting strangely.

I was with my MOH in the kitchen, trying on my beautiful wedding dress that just arrived that day, was so excited, MOH was strapping me into it and my bridesmaid came and promptly cried, moaning that she can't afford her wedding now (what wedding, no set dates bla bla), I thought ok, not what you need at such an exciting time, but gave her hug, supportive bla bla.

The next thing we know, is that she has decided to do her own wedding, very hush hush affair, hardly anyone invited apart from about 4 people. in about 6 weeks time. Weird but ok. It's her life. But she and the best man have been completely disinterested in our big day since the get go, which hurts. Whenever I talk about it, it always comes back to her wedding.

We are having a big bash in the evening, and because she's booked the ceremony at such short notice, she cannot get an evening venue and she is now also looking to have a big bash, and have even mentioned doing it around the same time as us! Other half has fell out with his supposed best man and I'm not long behind him falling out with supposed bridesmaid.

It's all so perfectly odd.

Wishing we never involved them.

We've been together 10 years, we've waited so long to able to afford a wedding and now this?

Any advise on how to deal with these two? Thanks All

eh, so they're getting married too and you expect her to be happy for you but you aren't happy for her?

To be honest this sounds all about you and your wedding. If talking of weddings of course hers will come up in conversation. I'm guessing she is jealous of your big do - maybe be a bit more sympathetic I'm sure she wasn't planning on bringing the mood down

Not sure why your OH fell out with his best man because of his wedding? How long do you want them to wait? A month? A season? A year?

She's not interested in your wedding , you're not interested in hers either.

Move on.

I don’t quite understand the problem here. I mean if she’s hijacking or interrupting conversations with her wedding talk, that’s rude. However, it sounds to me you’re cross that a friend has dared have a wedding at the same time as yours and you’re getting pissed off at her daring to even mention it. As for ‘we saved up for years for our wedding and they’re doing it on a whim’, honestly who cares? Weddings come in all different forms. You’re reading a bit ‘me me me’, whilst I’m sure you’re very excited about your wedding, it doesn’t necessarily mean your friend is trying to out-do you. I think you need to take a step back and try and evaluate how much is the friend being rude and how much is you stepping into bridezilla territory.

So why have DF and hos Best Man fell put exactly? Because he's disinterested in your wedding? He's a bloke - beyond has she spent every penny you both own, is it all coming along mate and can we go abroad for the stag i'm not sure what else you expect.

It's a shame for you but for the present let them do their thing and appoint a new BM and bridesmaid, the couple's minds are elsewhere and you need practical help.

Emotions may have carried them off-task, as it were, regarding your wedding, I don't suppose it's deliberate, they just can't handle the complicated feelings and new priorities.

And is she actually your friend or just his bm's partner?

I don't understand. Are they getting married on the same day or something, and therefore no longer attending your wedding?

What exactly is it you've fallen out about? Surely not just the fact they are getting married soon?!

As long as she doesn’t do her wedding ON the same day, I don’t think there’s much you can do. She’s probably pretty miffed at how you’re acting about her wedding too.

Just out of curiosity, have you paid for bridesmaids dresses, shoes etc, or are they paying for themselves? Just wondering because one of my friends was a bridesmaid once and was expected to pay 75 quid for her dress, 30 for shoes, and 40 to get hair and make up professionally done etc etc (she said she'd rather do her own and was told by the bride that she had to have it done). She never actually told the bride she was annoyed at having to pay so much, but she pretty much stopped talking to her after the wedding. So if money is tight for her and she's having to fork out for your wedding, she might be a bit resentful?

No, of course I'm happy for them, that's not the issue, We're not invited to their wedding as it's very small affair, which hurt a bit, but it's their wedding.

It's just her behaviour, when my MOH, got married I was her MOH, and I didn't run out and find the first ceremony I could find..or try to book an evening do around the same time..I wouldn't have done that to her.
She agrees with me that Bridemaids behaviour is odd, and thinks she's booked a wedding for 6 weeks time as a knee jerk reaction, she wouldnt even tell us the bloody wedding date the other day, which further pissed me off. every couple deserves their time, but this isnt the right way of going about it. The BM, just goes along with everything she says, he isn't even going to have his own parents there., because of her say so. I don't know. Just want their lack of interest in our 12k wedding to ruin something, plus i feel so upset that I can't share the wedding plans with my own bridemaid because she doesn't care. I guess she's not that much of a friend after all. xx

She's planning on having a "big bash" when only four people are invited to her wedding?

You sound very self-involved. Who cares if she gets married around the same time as you? The world isn't going to stop just because you're basically having a party with fancy clothes, you know - which is all a wedding actually is.

Hi Popc0rn, yes we paid for all the attendants clothes, wouldn't dream of having them pay. It's my wedding, why should they be out of pocket? x

I suspect it's jealousy, pure and simple. She's seen the money you are spending on your wedding and how lavish and lovely it's all going to be and they can't afford a tenth of the price. So she and her OH are rushing their wedding through in a 'cutting off nose to spite face' thing of 'we'll never be able to afford a posh do, so let's just do it really really cheaply and get it over with'.

I do feel for her a bit. My XH's DB and Dsis got married before us, big huge lavish dos, destination weddings, and we had a local registry office and a 'pay for yourself' dinner afterwards. I did feel a bit of a second-class citizen to be honest. Maybe give her some compassion?

bananatoffo, exactly, she is having a very small do and then wanting a big do, it makes no sense.

So you’re pissed if that’s she’s not making a big enough deal of your wedding, and pissed off/hurt you’re not in anyway involved in her wedding. I still don’t understand why it’s such a big deal she’s having a small wedding near your big-and-ever-so-important one. It’s not even a competition, is it?

Do you often make everything about you, or is it just when weddings are involved?

Is the attitude of sneeriness in your post reflected in your treatment of said bridesmaid?

It’s odd that their focus is not revolving around you?

I’d take a step back and see if you can get some insight into your self absorption.

Zaphodotherhead. Not it's not money, He's quite well to do. x

"It's just her behaviour, when my MOH, got married I was her MOH, and I didn't run out and find the first ceremony I could find..or try to book an evening do around the same time..I wouldn't have done that to her"

But how is that doing something to you? How are you affected exactly? Your wedding is still happening as you want it, yes? What has she done "to" you??

Sorry, I'm not trying to be obtuse, but I genuinely don't understand how her deciding to book her wedding in a hurry is doing something wrong to you.

She is ONE of your bridesmaids, aren't you over-reacting a little bit?

I am sorry, but weddings are like babies, they are only interesting for those involved, the bride and groom or the parents. Your friends can admire your dress, but it's too much to expect them to be involved in the pre-wedding preparation and excitement.

As long as people are there on your big day, and possibly the pre-wedding evening and day-after lunch or whatever you are organising, just give them some space.

You sound about as disinterested in her wedding as she does in yours. Maybe she's one of the other brides on this site complaining about friends not caring

You have to remember that her wedding isn't less real or less important just because it's small and inexpensive. It's still incredibly meaningful and important to her. You don't have to spend £12K to qualify as a wedding.

And as for them having an evening bash around the same time as you - unless it's the same actual day, you can't complain. Your wedding is one day (or a couple of days in some cultures, but think yours is one from your OP). You don't get to block out time on either side of it just because you think your wedding should stand out more.

Maybe start being a better friend to your bridesmaid and see where that gets you!

aaaarggghhhhh, my MOH is majorly excited for me. Stop attacking me. You don't know me, I'm trying to navigate my way through this emotional minefield, and keep everything intact. I'm trying to get some helpful insight on the best way forward.