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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding Drama

116 replies

michelle2005dolphin · 03/07/2018 11:17

morning all, I'm having an issue with one of my bridesmaids, would sure appreciate some help.

We announced we had finally set the date and booked venues and paid deposits, Dj's, photographers bla bla, and one of my bridesmaid who is engaged to my fiance's friend who is best man, is acting strangely.

I was with my MOH in the kitchen, trying on my beautiful wedding dress that just arrived that day, was so excited, MOH was strapping me into it and my bridesmaid came and promptly cried, moaning that she can't afford her wedding now (what wedding, no set dates bla bla), I thought ok, not what you need at such an exciting time, but gave her hug, supportive bla bla.

The next thing we know, is that she has decided to do her own wedding, very hush hush affair, hardly anyone invited apart from about 4 people. in about 6 weeks time. Weird but ok. It's her life. But she and the best man have been completely disinterested in our big day since the get go, which hurts. Whenever I talk about it, it always comes back to her wedding.

We are having a big bash in the evening, and because she's booked the ceremony at such short notice, she cannot get an evening venue and she is now also looking to have a big bash, and have even mentioned doing it around the same time as us! Other half has fell out with his supposed best man and I'm not long behind him falling out with supposed bridesmaid.

It's all so perfectly odd.

Wishing we never involved them.

We've been together 10 years, we've waited so long to able to afford a wedding and now this?

Any advise on how to deal with these two? Thanks All

OP posts:

AnnieAnoniMoose · 03/07/2018 12:30

aaaarggghhhhh, my MOH is majorly excited for me. Stop attacking me. You don't know me, I'm trying to navigate my way through this emotional minefield, and keep everything intact. I'm trying to get some helpful insight on the best way forward

Are you always this much of a Drama Llama? Seriously?! Attacking? ‘Emotional minefield’...god help you if anything actually serious should happen in your life if you think this is ‘navigating an emotional minefield’.

I suggest you grow up and stop being so self absorbed - creating a massive fuss over nothing.

Watchingthecloudsflyby · 03/07/2018 12:34

How far away is your wedding OP?

MiniTheMinx · 03/07/2018 12:34

Bla bla bla

Chocolate1984 · 03/07/2018 12:35

The only person genuinely interested in your wedding is you. It’s only a big day for you. Sure your friend are happy you are happy but most of them can’t be bothered with all the stuff you are excited about or dress shopping, colours & whatever else. They don’t genuinely care about all the details.

Just get on with your own wedding & let her get on with hers.

chrisinthesun · 03/07/2018 12:36

YANBU OP.

If this was your bridesmaid friend posting this, saying she has booked a wedding quickly (around the time of the wedding she is a bridesmaid at,) coz she fears being left behind, she would have been told she was being ridiculous and attention seeking.

Of course you are entitled to feel pissed off and aggrieved. She is no friend doing this. Stealing your thunder, and being self absorbed half the time.. And that is what she would have been told if she has posted on here with her point of view.

I think it's ridiculous that some people are saying you're a bridezilla and 'hard work' and all that stuff. It's your bridesmaid who is being hard work.

Watchingthecloudsflyby · 03/07/2018 12:37

So you've fallen out because she's not interested in your wedding?

Seriously, not everyone will be as in to it as you are.

Four of us in our close family got married a year apart but a lot of the planning ran concurrently so NO conversation about ANYONE'S wedding ending up being a conversation about THEM. It's annoying but that's life.

If you don't want her as your bm you have to deal with that. If dp doesn't want her h2b as his bm he needs to deal with that.

When , where and how they marry is totally separate to that.

BananaToffo · 03/07/2018 12:38

I went to a wedding last year that was really big and expensive. Stunning venue, open bar - the lot.

Bride had basically organised the entire thing herself with help from the venue (and the groom). She never really discussed the wedding with anyone else - to the degree that people would sometimes ask if it was still on!

She had 8 bridesmaids (apparently wasn't going to have any but found she had umpteen little girls in her new family who were dying to be bridesmaids so thought, "What the hell" & then also included some of her oldest friends). All clothing bought for them, lovely gifts on the day, paid accommodation at the venue....no stupid Whatsapp groups or demands for hen nights or "support" - just be there on the day and enjoy.

It was the most expensive wedding I think I've ever been to, but it was also the happiest because it was clear that the trimmings and the trappings were for everyone else and the bride & groom were just overjoyed to be marrying each other.

There really is no need for brides to expect the whole world to fall at their feet in wonder that they're getting married. So what? Lots of people do!

OP...you are entitled to be excited about your day, but lose the idea that the world stops spinning for a few magical months in your honour. It doesn't.

myrtleWilson · 03/07/2018 12:38

chrisinthesun how does a wedding of four people steal the OP's thunder?

Watchingthecloudsflyby · 03/07/2018 12:39

And how long you've been together, how much you paid really is immaterial. You aren't extra special because you've waited longer and spent more

chrisinthesun · 03/07/2018 12:43

@myrtlewilson

The very fact she has felt the need to suddenly book her own wedding around the time of the OP's is stealing her thunder. It's attention-seeking, needy, and sad.

As I said, if this was the bridemaid posting on here, from her point of view, she would have been slaughtered on here.

The OP has every right to be pissed off. I would sack the bridesmaid AND the best man if I was the OP. Couple of attention seeking sad sacks!

Watchingthecloudsflyby · 03/07/2018 12:44

But she's not actually stealing any thunder is she. Barely anyone is going and op is at pains to point out hers will be bigger and more expensive so the FOUR guests going to Bm's wedding might make a comparison if they're going to both but unless they're cancelling going to OP's what does it matter??

Watchingthecloudsflyby · 03/07/2018 12:45

How long away from your wedding are people permitted to marry Chris??

flamingofridays · 03/07/2018 12:46

And that is what she would have been told if she has posted on here with her point of view

we have no idea what her point of view is though so how can we possibly judge her on it?

Watchingthecloudsflyby · 03/07/2018 12:50

Perhaps my friend is being a total bridezilla and its really put me off a big wedding! We've decided to keep it low key and literally just get married with a few immediate family. There was an opening in 6 weeks so we took it - what matters is the marriage afterall.
Anyway, my friend is really angry, thinks I'm doing it to spite her, refuses to talk about it at all, now her partner is being weird with my h2b and I don't understand why we both can't just get married and be happy for each other. It's not like I'm competing with her wedding

chrisinthesun · 03/07/2018 12:51

YANBU OP. Ignore the naysayers. They would be just as pissed off as you are, no matter what they say.

And I would sack the bridesmaid and best man.

The bridesmaid sounds needy and attention seeking. Leave her to her rushed and desperate wedding! She sounds very me me me.

flowery · 03/07/2018 12:51

”The woman is asking her to share her evening do with them.”

I really really don’t think she is..

myrtleWilson · 03/07/2018 12:51

Nope still not really seeing the thunder stealing what with four guests and less than the OP's £12k splurged on it....

FuckPants · 03/07/2018 12:55

Jesus Christ who fucking cares?

flamingofridays · 03/07/2018 12:56

*YANBU OP. Ignore the naysayers. They would be just as pissed off as you are, no matter what they say.

And I would sack the bridesmaid and best man.

The bridesmaid sounds needy and attention seeking. Leave her to her rushed and desperate wedding! She sounds very me me me*

no, I think most normal people wouldn't give a shiny shit, and the only "me me me-ing" going on is coming from the OP

BananaToffo · 03/07/2018 13:02

"AIBU.....I am a bridesmaid at a fancy £12k wedding in a few months. My DP and I have decided to have a small wedding with four guests for X reason in six weeks. Would I be stealing the bridezilla's thunder?"

I would be very surprised if many people shrieked that she was "needy and attention seeking" for this, tbh.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 03/07/2018 13:03

Is there a chance that she has enough on her plate, and doesn't really want to be a bridesmaid anymore, but doesn't know how to tell you ?
If her hearts not in it, let her go.

WildFlower2018 · 03/07/2018 13:12

My first thought would be she's just found out she's pregnant and they both really want to get married quickly and before the summer is over.

My brother proposed to her GF less than two weeks after my DH proposed to me (and brother told me he was going to propose a week before that). I was a bit confused at the time but it turned out she'd just found out she was pregnant at exactly the same time and he wanted to propose.

specialsubject · 03/07/2018 13:37

sad sacks are those who judge their worth by the size of their wedding.

sounds like nobody has any lives at all.

AngelsSins · 03/07/2018 13:44

Dear god, this just about sums up everything I hate about this new attitude to weddings. The whole meaning is lost, it’s all about being a “star” for a day.

OP, why don’t you take her to court and see if you can get an injunction in place so that she can’t get married for 6 months on either side of your wedding? Maybe you can also provide her with a list of who and when she is allowed to mention her wedding, the level of interest she’s expected to show in your “big day”, and any other sacrifices she’s meant to make for the “honour” of being your bridesmaid.

greendale17 · 03/07/2018 13:47

The very fact she has felt the need to suddenly book her own wedding around the time of the OP's is stealing her thunder. It's attention-seeking, needy, and sad.

^I agree. Especially as she wasn’t even actively planning a date or a wedding

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