Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Wedding Drama

116 replies

michelle2005dolphin · 03/07/2018 11:17

morning all, I'm having an issue with one of my bridesmaids, would sure appreciate some help.

We announced we had finally set the date and booked venues and paid deposits, Dj's, photographers bla bla, and one of my bridesmaid who is engaged to my fiance's friend who is best man, is acting strangely.

I was with my MOH in the kitchen, trying on my beautiful wedding dress that just arrived that day, was so excited, MOH was strapping me into it and my bridesmaid came and promptly cried, moaning that she can't afford her wedding now (what wedding, no set dates bla bla), I thought ok, not what you need at such an exciting time, but gave her hug, supportive bla bla.

The next thing we know, is that she has decided to do her own wedding, very hush hush affair, hardly anyone invited apart from about 4 people. in about 6 weeks time. Weird but ok. It's her life. But she and the best man have been completely disinterested in our big day since the get go, which hurts. Whenever I talk about it, it always comes back to her wedding.

We are having a big bash in the evening, and because she's booked the ceremony at such short notice, she cannot get an evening venue and she is now also looking to have a big bash, and have even mentioned doing it around the same time as us! Other half has fell out with his supposed best man and I'm not long behind him falling out with supposed bridesmaid.

It's all so perfectly odd.

Wishing we never involved them.

We've been together 10 years, we've waited so long to able to afford a wedding and now this?

Any advise on how to deal with these two? Thanks All

OP posts:

jollygoose · 03/07/2018 12:10

I think posters here are being rather unkind here, it seems that the bridesmaid really can`t be bothered so naturally the op is finding her behaviour strange and hurtful.
I think she is jealous of your do and thus disinterested I would sack her.

ExConstance · 03/07/2018 12:10

A wedding is a celebration to mark the start of the marriage of two people who love each other. It isn't about how much ;you spend or how lovely your dress is. It shouldn't matter who gets married the day before, the day after, who is invited or anything else. It is a nice day - one day- where the bride and groom decide what form it takes. If it is obsessing you so much and dominating your life, OP, there is something wrong here.

Kit10 · 03/07/2018 12:12

People get married every day, yes it's a special day for you but you are not the first or last person to get married. It's supposed to be about your relationship, not a party. Sounds like your friend realises this more than you tbh. So long as she doesn't pick the same day as yours what's the issue here?

KokoandAllBall · 03/07/2018 12:13

Your problem is that she may try to hijack your evening reception. You need to speak to her, tell her you're excited for her wedding but that your day will be about you and your DH. Are her 4 guests people who will be at your evening do?

TheFaerieQueene · 03/07/2018 12:14

I really can’t understand your issues here. You are getting married they way you want to and she is doing the same. So she isn’t jumping through hoops about your wedding, so what?

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 03/07/2018 12:15

She doesn't even seem to be acting that oddly to me:

She had a little cry when she saw you in your dress. She's a bride-to-be too, it's an emotional time.

Planning a wedding at a similar time to yours, not being terribly decisive. Not an affront or insult to you in any way. Not wanting to tell you about it sounds like a reaction to your very elaborate plans, and how dismissive you are of what she and her partner want.

Not being over-invested in your wedding. Sounds perfectly healthy and reasonable.

Reading through many lines sounds a bit to me like she or her fiancee are having relationship wobbles. Maybe cold feet one way or the other. Or pregnancy. Or something.

Have you, you know, properly had a chat with her about how she is? Or do you just meet to go on about how much money you're spending talk wedding things these days?

petrolpump28 · 03/07/2018 12:15

Cant you have a chat with her? Explain some of your thoughts.

myrtleWilson · 03/07/2018 12:16

This stood out for me...."every couple deserves their time, but this isnt the right way of going about it"

Why can't your bridesmaid get married in the way that best suits her and her fiancé?

And am refraining from commenting on the emotional minefield!

Look, sack her off as bridesmaid if that would make you feel better - you honesty don't seem much of a friend to her so your protestations that she's not much of a friend to you ring somewhat hollow.

EdmundCleverClogs · 03/07/2018 12:17

You need to speak to her, tell her you're excited for her wedding but that your day will be about you and your DH.

Oh please do this. Nothing cements the idea that you’re a bridezilla more than (growling) saying ‘I’m happy for you, but don’t forget this is MY special day! It’s all about memememeME. Enjoy your inferior wedding (because I won’t be there) though’.

I would love to see the friend do a thread on the back of that.

flowery · 03/07/2018 12:20

Myotherusernameisbest · 03/07/2018 12:20

I really am not getting your problem. Just because you are spending £12000 on a wedding and she isn't does not make your wedding any more important than hers. I don't think you are quite getting that.

Hers is not at the same time as yours and she is still going to be your bridesmaid. But you dont want her to talk about her wedding is that it? Why has your OH fallen out with his best man?

You come across as very self absorbed tbh.

Piffle11 · 03/07/2018 12:21

Perhaps your talk of your day is making her realise that she cannot have the wedding she had always envisaged … she might be getting upset/rage because although she wants to be happy for you, she can't help but feel a bit envious! This 'let's do it quick' reaction is probably badly thought out, but I think you should leave them to it, and maybe not go into detail about your day in front of her (difficult when she's a bridesmaid, I know!) It's also worth reminding yourself that no-one is ever as interested in your wedding as you would like them to be: our Best Man and his wife are our closest friends, and yet apart from the odd conversation - always instigated by the woman - about general 'how are the plans going?' type things, it wasn't really discussed. BM and my DH didn't really talk about it, but didn't mean BM wasn't pleased to be a part of it.

HariboIsMyCrack · 03/07/2018 12:21

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Barbaro · 03/07/2018 12:22

I can see the ops point here.

She's asked someone to be a bridesmaid, assuming that this person is important to her. So when trying on her dress, at minimum you would kind of expect said friend to say she looked nice. Not burst into tears about not getting married herself.

Then the bm decides to get married, probably before op as they will make her feel better. But she's still jealous that op is getting the wedding she wants.

The bm is being unreasonable in continuing to be a bm when she obviously doesn't care and is clearly trying to steal the limelight. But op is also being a bit unreasonable in expecting all talk to be about her wedding when there's now 2 weddings.

Honestly this friendship has run its course. Easier to tell her she isn't a bm, he isn't best man and find replacements.

Crinkle77 · 03/07/2018 12:22

Sorry but there's nothing more boring than other peoples wedding talk. Perhaps that's why she isn't that interested.

KokoandAllBall · 03/07/2018 12:24

The woman is asking her to share her evening do with them. Would you like someone getting a free reception you'd paid for?

KokoandAllBall · 03/07/2018 12:25

It is fairly normal for a weeding to be about one couple, not one couple and their friends who have seen an opportunity to get married and save a few grand.

KokoandAllBall · 03/07/2018 12:26

*wedding.

AdaColeman · 03/07/2018 12:26

It's just a wedding, no one is especially interested in any other bride's wedding.

It is just one day in your life, however much you fret and worry over every detail, none of it is any guarantee that you will live a long and happy life as husband and wife.

The couple who spend thousands of pounds on the dream wedding may be no happier than the ones who turned up at the registry office with only a curtain ring.

Enjoy your day, focus on yourself, put aside negative thoughts about what others are doing.

Kit10 · 03/07/2018 12:26

Did I miss the part where she's asked to share the evening do?

londonrach · 03/07/2018 12:26

Newsflash her op.....Only you care about your wedding. Not even you moh will care as much as you. Shes just a bridesmaid. Why would she care about yours. Do you care about hers. You sound abit bridzilla op. Shes getting married, quietly and tbh knowing how my uncle and aunt got married very romantically quietly you having the opposite. Theres no right or wrong. Just continue with your planning and stop making a drama out of nothing.

myrtleWilson · 03/07/2018 12:27

koko where in the OPs post does she say "BM is asking to share my evening do?" She doesn't. She says bridesmaid is looking to have her evening do around the same time as mine - I don't read that as sharing the same reception?

Butterymuffin · 03/07/2018 12:28

OP, the best thing you can do is just think positive things when this stuff irritates you, and remind yourself that you have your own wedding to look forward to, you're very excited about that, it will be a great day, and that none of these other things really matter. Good luck.

flamingofridays · 03/07/2018 12:28

Then the bm decides to get married, probably before op as they will make her feel better. But she's still jealous that op is getting the wedding she wants

maybe she's not jealous? maybe she couldn't think of anything worse than a wedding like OP's - how do we know?

EdmundCleverClogs · 03/07/2018 12:28

The woman is asking her to share her evening do with them.

Is she? Must have missed that bit . I saw the BM suggested having it around the same time, not at the same time.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5