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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wedding Drama

116 replies

michelle2005dolphin · 03/07/2018 11:17

morning all, I'm having an issue with one of my bridesmaids, would sure appreciate some help.

We announced we had finally set the date and booked venues and paid deposits, Dj's, photographers bla bla, and one of my bridesmaid who is engaged to my fiance's friend who is best man, is acting strangely.

I was with my MOH in the kitchen, trying on my beautiful wedding dress that just arrived that day, was so excited, MOH was strapping me into it and my bridesmaid came and promptly cried, moaning that she can't afford her wedding now (what wedding, no set dates bla bla), I thought ok, not what you need at such an exciting time, but gave her hug, supportive bla bla.

The next thing we know, is that she has decided to do her own wedding, very hush hush affair, hardly anyone invited apart from about 4 people. in about 6 weeks time. Weird but ok. It's her life. But she and the best man have been completely disinterested in our big day since the get go, which hurts. Whenever I talk about it, it always comes back to her wedding.

We are having a big bash in the evening, and because she's booked the ceremony at such short notice, she cannot get an evening venue and she is now also looking to have a big bash, and have even mentioned doing it around the same time as us! Other half has fell out with his supposed best man and I'm not long behind him falling out with supposed bridesmaid.

It's all so perfectly odd.

Wishing we never involved them.

We've been together 10 years, we've waited so long to able to afford a wedding and now this?

Any advise on how to deal with these two? Thanks All

OP posts:
Popc0rn · 03/07/2018 14:12

But why can't she book her wedding around a similiar time as her friend?! As long as it's not the same weekend, what's the problem? Lots of people want summer/autumn weddings, why should she have to wait til next year just to avoid potentially pissing on the OPs chips?

I don't get the "thunder stealing" thing - people should be just as happy for both of them surely?

Or is there only a certain amount of happiness available at a certain time, so it's impossible to share it?

TaleasoldasTimee · 03/07/2018 14:18

It sounds like she's hinting for a double wedding! She wants to hop on your without the expense! Cheeky cow.

MiniTheMinx · 03/07/2018 14:52

Watchingthecloudsflyby, are you the friend of OP?

myrtleWilson · 03/07/2018 14:59

No Mini - I think Watching is presenting an alternative AIBU from the bridesmaid's point of view...

Watchingthecloudsflyby · 03/07/2018 15:02

Hahaha no, just imagining what her take on it might be. We had a close family wedding in 2011, 2012 (mine - engaged last as well!), 2013 and 2014. New baby within the same people in 2013, 2014 and 2015. Close friends also married and had babies within those and the subsequent years.
We were all happy with out thunder!!

Although I know someone who booked their wedding four weeks after her sisters which seemed pushing it a little as both big full in do's...

RhiWrites · 03/07/2018 15:05

@michelle2005dolphin you’re annoyed because when you were MOH you concentrated on your friend and were focused on her experience.

This woman isn’t your friend, she isn’t interested in your wedding except in how it affects her feelings of envy and discontent.

It’s unfortunate but you’ve not lost anything. You invited her into the wedding party as a gesture of friendship and now you’ve discovered she’s not actually a friend.

It’s her issue though. Try to discount her from the people you have happy excited wedding talk with. Your family and real friends will be focused on you. She isn’t.

Dbrook · 03/07/2018 15:09

I was highly sensitive around the time of my wedding and took everything to heart, but even I can see you’re being unreasonable.

It sounds as though being involved in your wedding got her thinking about hers. That’s allowed. She’s not imposing on your day in any way as far as I can make out.

As for her not being interested in your wedding - how interested does she need to be? Aside from the hen and the actual wedding day there’s not much else to being a bridesmaid. She shouldn’t be expected to be interested in the minor or boring details of flowers, invites etc.

MiniTheMinx · 03/07/2018 15:18

Ah thank you

I can't help but feel a little sorry for the bridesmaid.

OP no one will compare the two weddings. Let her enjoy hers, and you your's.

I'm getting married soon. So far DP has organised everything, including the cake now! I'm looking forward to it, but it's just one day. I'm more looking forward to spending the rest of my life with DP. I think your priorities are all skewed. I was more excited for my best friends wedding last year than mine, because she truly deserved to be happy and special at least for a day, she's a lovely person and she has had a lot of shit in her life. Me.....well.....I'm fine, my wedding will be fine, I've got other stuff to think about too!!

SilverySurfer · 03/07/2018 15:44

OP, do her a favour and tell her she is no longer bridesmaid. Then your MoH can continue to be majorly excited for you (really?? can only assume she has no life) you concentrate on your wedding and ex-bridesmaid can concentrate on her's.

Andromeida59 · 03/07/2018 15:52

Frankly, if you're going on about how much you're spending on here I can only imagine you're intolerable to those around you. Maybe she's getting married soon because they want to? Maybe she didn't tell you the date because she knew you'd react in this way.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 03/07/2018 15:57

The very fact she has felt the need to suddenly book her own wedding around the time of the OP's is stealing her thunder. It's attention-seeking, needy, and sad.

What utter utter bullshit

Andromeida59 · 03/07/2018 16:00

Exactly @winddoesnotbreakthebendytree.

Maybe it's why we haven't had any rain for what seems like forever. Seems like so many people are stealing thunder....Grin

werideatdawn · 03/07/2018 16:22

Emotional minefield 🤣

seventhgonickname · 03/07/2018 17:03

You said she didn't see OK when you announced you wedding so perhaps her and her boyfriend were planning on getting married.A small,intimate marriage.Then you come along with your big,fat wedding .
Maybe they had to decide whether to go ahead or postpone.
Anyway,you haven't said why your fiance has fallen out with his friend.

CornishMaid1 · 03/07/2018 17:12

You are getting a lot of mean replies. I can understand where you are coming from.

Yes as a bride you do want your wedding party to be involved and care (even though no-one probably does care as much as you), but there does seem something a little odd about your bridesmaid and the best man.

How long ago did you announce the date? Could it be they were planning their wedding around then but hadn't said and now feel miffed that you got in there first?

How far before your wedding have they booked their small wedding? I am getting the suspicion that they may try and join on and hijack your wedding.

The best thing to do is speak to her. Just let her know that you are really happy for her that she is getting married, but that you think things have been off between you and you are not sure whether you have upset her or whether with her upcoming wedding she is finding it too much to be your bridesmaid as well. That gives her a chance to tell you what is going on and to have an 'out' if she is genuinely disinterested (I would rather not have had someone around who didn't want to be there and I was definitely not a Bridezilla).

sueelleker · 03/07/2018 21:17

I wonder if she's hoping to tag her party onto your evening do?

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