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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is totally out of order...

300 replies

chattybee · 02/07/2018 22:24

DD1 is in year 9. Going into year 10.

Thursday her History teacher took up a meter stick and smashed it on the table into tiny pieces in rage as he yelled at the whole class for someone not shutting the door.

The teacher has hallucinations and anger issues and has taught at the school since September.

DD1 came home in tears as she was terrified since he was telling that the tigers were coming to get them!

AIBU to bring this up in school? DD1 and her entire class were so scared.

OP posts:

Bobbydeniro69 · 03/07/2018 10:29

Sounds like a hugely embellished story , with kids and grown ups in supposedly confidential positions adding their own made up bits to it.

Teacher sounds like he's had a bit of breakdown , the rest is pure gossip with no consistent narrative .

rosesandflowers1 · 03/07/2018 10:36

We had a couple of teachers that were rumoured to be insane and have done various 'crazy' things in class. I'm sure that it was 99% chinese whispers and misinterpretation in retrospect!

It's very easy to end up with a story completely different from what happened, especially in a school.

But something happened, and in OP's case, I'd want to know what ...

Sparklesocks · 03/07/2018 10:44

Years ago when I was at school one of my teachers had something resembling a breakdown. She was overworked from stress and was too worried to let her bosses know she was struggling until it was too much, and she ended up being signed off for months.

As gossip spreads through school and stories mutate, the version most kids heard was that she was talking to herself and writing on the walls and paramedics had to take her out on a stretcher. Completely false and I'm sure it was the last thing she needed.

As PPs have said, if this teacher did go off sick due to this incident then this would be a great opportunity for OP to talk sensitively about MH issues with her DD - how you can be unwell in different ways and how the stresses of work can affect people.

WhatDidItSay · 03/07/2018 11:30

ShouldofWouldofCouldof · 03/07/2018 12:21

People callin bs have you ever witnessed a mental breakdown? Its not pretty an can happen anytime. I have seen a teacher do something very similar to what the op has described. Teacher known to have mh issues had several months off he came back to work at beginning of school yr and was part time. Around easter time he had a break down in the middle of a class (was quite a hard class to teach), flipped several tables , threw board wipers and pens ^ bpoks etc and told all of the children they were going to burn in hell (age 10/11) the ta got all the kids out of the class and he barricaded himself in the room and lashed out at everyone who tried to go near him. Screaming everypne had the devil in them and tgey would all burn....Police and paramedics were involved. Very nasty scene and alot of upset children. So no not total bs. No you can belive a teen word for word but i d9nt think she is exagerating. And at 13 i would of been scared of a teacher smacking a ruler on my desk and shouting things. Its not necessarily what they are saying but the demenour it is said in. It can be scary. Op i hope your daughter is ok. I would email the school and say you are concerned as your daughter came home upset after his lesson and you are concerned it will happen again x

IrianOfW · 03/07/2018 12:23

"ell if it is true then your use of “ill” is really rude and insensitive."

Quite. Really unpleasant

Firstnameterms · 03/07/2018 12:32

Ok I started off sympathetic but with all the updates I am now confused. The teacher had some kind of breakdown/mental health issue in front of his class. This seems to have been addressed as he has taken the full 5days off work as illness. He may very well not be in tomorrow, he could present a doctors note. I am also raising an eyebrow that the school display to all the parents who is off sick. Our cover sheet doesn’t say how long someone is off for, it is simply daily. Therefore I’m not sure why you are convinced he is back tomorrow.

By all means email your concern to the school. However it could be in hand already and probably is...

funnelfanjo · 03/07/2018 12:35

When I was at school, we had a teacher have a breakdown. She just walked out of school during the day and was found in tears at the bus stop. (Or so we heard...)

Very mild in comparison, and yet we never saw her again. Nothing was ever said to pupils or parents other than Miss X had left and Mrs Y would be teaching that subject for the rest of term.

This story has so much embellishment and exaggeration it’s diffcult to work out what actually did happen, if anything.

IrianOfW · 03/07/2018 12:36

Poor bugger . Hope he gets the help he needs.

SachaStark · 03/07/2018 12:51

I'm a teacher, and I would consider it a breach in confidentiality for pupils to be informed that teachers were off sick, even if it was just "ILL" that is written on the public board. As other posters have pointed out, there is no need for pupils to be informed ahead of staff absence, they should just go to their normal room and be taught by supply.

The staff at my school would take a very dim view of this very public declaration of their illnesses/bereavements/hospital appointments, etc.

Why aren't teachers at this school questioning this? Is it a private school, OP? It seems tiny for the average secondary school.

MissionItsPossible · 03/07/2018 12:52

In fact, I've just thought, if he is taking 5 days off self cert from Friday then he wouldn't be due back today...

EmergencyBanana · 03/07/2018 12:59

People callin bs have you ever witnessed a mental breakdown? Its not pretty an can happen anytime

I have, several times as a child as my brother was schizophrenic. As I posted upthread. The worst part for me as a child was hearing the gossip mongers afterwards with their completely over-exaggerated, often erroneous, and sometimes completely made up version of what happened, and generally making a drama out of a crisis.
I sincerely hope neither this man or any of his family read this thread.

Sounds to me like he lost his rag after a morning of bad behaviour, and a student walking out was the last straw. Maybe he was likening the class to wild animals (Not very professional, I'll grant, but hardly having hallucinations). I'm sure the school has this under control. All a worried parent has to do is ask. And be a little measured in the gossip they're sharing.

FrillySpidersWillies · 03/07/2018 13:57

Mission - it would in my case as the illness continued from Friday to Monday we have to include the weekend as one period of absence

rosesandflowers1 · 03/07/2018 14:42

@SachaStark, at my DD's school they are always informed. A sheet is printed off and stuck up at reception so the children know if it is a cover lesson. In some lessons like PE it saves them dragging around kit they won't actually need all day. I think it's only fair that the kids are told they won't be having their usual teacher.

Like I said upthread they don't put the reason though. Just which class it is, the cover teacher they'll be having, and which room they'll be in, as for some classes it changes.

Mistressiggi · 03/07/2018 15:14

It’s a complete waste of time to tell students that staff are absent, and whether they are off sick as well! Since they don’t get a choice about whether to attend the lesson, why do they need to know? Just as well your office staff have nothing else to do.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 03/07/2018 18:19

Why are people so convinced that the daughter is lying and none of this whatsoever can be true? Some posters are being really rude and laughing and joking about a child who has witnessed something that scared her. Not everyone is as brave as yourselves.

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 03/07/2018 19:20

Where is the OP? I would have expected an update to say he was in or not.

toujours · 03/07/2018 19:46

petrolpump28 · 03/07/2018 19:49

OP dealing with pretend tigers

CheekyCapsicum · 03/07/2018 20:06

Why are people so convinced that the daughter is lying and none of this whatsoever can be true?

Very few people have said that they think the daughter is lying, or that none of this can be true. Those of us who have had experience of teenage children and neighbourhood gossip are saying that these things can be embellished and grow a life of their own. False memories are often created by what other person or persons claim to have seen or heard. Later, when relating the experience, you can remember it as something that actually happened rather than something somebody suggested.

Some posters are being really rude and laughing and joking about a child who has witnessed something that scared her

But not too scared to hang around and take a picture on her camera.
Really, if something was so scary and traumatising you'd hotfoot it out of there as soon as humanly possible. Not hang about and calm down enough to take pictures as evidence. That's calculated.

Not everyone is as brave as yourselves

Nah. Being brave is hanging around to take a picture.
I think people are laughing and joking because it just doesn't ring true.

I believe what the OP is saying. Just think she needs to arm herself with a few pinches of salt in the teenage years.

liverbird10 · 03/07/2018 22:44

...because it is quite obviously nonsense.

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/07/2018 05:58

^But not too scared to hang around and take a picture on her camera.
Really, if something was so scary and traumatising you'd hotfoot it out of there as soon as humanly possible. Not hang about and calm down enough to take pictures as evidence. That's calculated. ^

This is a really distorted understanding of trauma.

People do all sorts of things when they experience traumatic incidents that don't immediately show how impacted they are. Someone who witnesses or is subject to a traumatic incident may well act with bravado or minimize what they've experienced during or in the immediate aftermath. The fright, insecurity, etc. only really hitting when they've had time to process it a bit more. That's totally standard behaviour for someone who has experienced something that they find disturbing, no less so for a teen than an adult.

rosesandflowers1 · 04/07/2018 07:02

They already have to have a sheet saying which supplies are going where so that the teachers know, surely. It's not that they have "nothing to do", but they just printed off two copies

For lessons like PE or Dance students would be hauling kit around all day only to arrive and not need it.

Supply teachers might be given different classrooms depending on the lesson and the cover work, so children will need to know the new room.

Exams might be postponed.

It's possible that they might need different equipment for some lessons.

If they have other arrangements with the teacher like a detention or a study session, knowing the teacher is absent from lessons will alert them that the arrangement might be cancelled.

Their normal school curriculum has been disrupted. They should at least be told that class will not be proceeding as normal and that instead of a teacher they will probably have an inexperienced supply, and be doing a poster or something instead of normal work.

JustAnotherPoster00 · 04/07/2018 08:08

I smell sock puppetry going on

QuackPorridgeBacon · 04/07/2018 14:04

CheekyCapsicum Your reaction to trauma and being scared are not the same as everyone else’s. I’ve been terrified in some situations and remain still and without crying until I’m alone or home safe. I’d have probably sat in be classroom really quiet until all has left and then I’d calm down. Not sure if I would take a picture or not, but I might. I’d be calm enough by then and would be thinking almost rationally. Once I got home to safety I’d let out the panic and fear.

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