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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is totally out of order...

300 replies

chattybee · 02/07/2018 22:24

DD1 is in year 9. Going into year 10.

Thursday her History teacher took up a meter stick and smashed it on the table into tiny pieces in rage as he yelled at the whole class for someone not shutting the door.

The teacher has hallucinations and anger issues and has taught at the school since September.

DD1 came home in tears as she was terrified since he was telling that the tigers were coming to get them!

AIBU to bring this up in school? DD1 and her entire class were so scared.

OP posts:
StepBackNow · 03/07/2018 09:15

Martha - that's what trolling is - making things up. So to say she is is troll hunting.

rosesandflowers1 · 03/07/2018 09:19

I daresay the story has been exaggerated and edited by Year 9 gossips and that's why the story is so confusing and holey. But if my daughter came home in extreme distress I'd at least call up the school, especially if others are confirming the basis of her story.

All the details might not be accurate but I find it hard to believe she was crying and there's a splintered desk, shattered ruler and a quote about tigers (who on Earth would make that up?) and no story behind it.

If they've fabricated this insane story to disgrace their teacher, and not only that but manufactured, sourced or set up pictures to help prove it, they are a particularly devious and morally dubious year group that need discipline, in which case OP should bring this to light. You might also want to consider a career in acting for your DD.

If the story has not been exaggerated in any way, then you need to get her out of that school because surely someone would have noticed or been told in any decently run institution?

If you ask me, it's somewhere in the middle. A worrying instance made sensational by gossip and overactive imagination. Call up the school and get some facts, OP.

HettySunshine · 03/07/2018 09:21

Any developments this morning op? Is tiger teacher in school?

ShatnersWig · 03/07/2018 09:22

Yes Martha you have actually trolled in that case. I can happily say "bullshit" because I don't believe the daughter has told her mum the truth about what may have happened.

BossPeeBeePee · 03/07/2018 09:24

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BossPeeBeePee · 03/07/2018 09:24

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MarthaArthur · 03/07/2018 09:26

Thats exactly it Boss. The DD is lying massively. As are the gossipers and i dont believe a grown woman is this gullable or believes it herself hence the constant changing of a story.

StrangeLookingParasite · 03/07/2018 09:28

Practically all said the same? So they didnt actually have identical stories? Which makes sense as you already said your daughter missed a huge chunk of info out. This story is hairy.

Why are you so relentlessly aggressive towards the OP? If you don't know that even eyewitness accounts of something often differ in small details, you don't know much.

Starlighter · 03/07/2018 09:28

Really surprised by some of the shitty answers the OP is getting?!

If that was my child’s teacher, I would have concerns too!

My daughter hates shouting and would be upset over this too. I think anyone would in this situation! Year 9 - so 12 and 13 yos? That’s still pretty young.

If I wrote a post about how my boss did this to me at work, I bet the answers would be different... why is ok for kids to have to put up with this? And called liars too...

I really appreciate what teachers do but it seems they have some kind of weird “get out of jail no matter what pass” on MN?! Confused

MarthaArthur · 03/07/2018 09:28

Can i also point out op originally posted at 22.24 and by 22.30 she already changed the story. So in 6 minutes she had found out new information from a parent who wasnt there, for an event that happened days ago and posted it.

MarthaArthur · 03/07/2018 09:30

Yes accounts can be viewed differently but not to the extent op is talking. She is getting all her info from gossip. If everyone saw a teacher screaming and smashing a metre stick they would all say "mr x was screaming and smashing a meter stick."

CaptainKirkssparetupee · 03/07/2018 09:33

If I wrote a post about how my boss did this to me at work, I bet the answers would be different...

Because that would be a first hand retelling... It happened to you.

This is a second generation retelling, some told the op.

LuluJakey1 · 03/07/2018 09:37

I think you should write to the Head and express your concerns about his behaviours and the safety of children in his care. I would expect a parent to have concerns and to want to be assured it was being dealt with.
Gossiping about it is not helpful. Teachers/TAs should not be gossiping to parents either.
The teacher sound like they have health issues that 5 days off will not have solved.
I have dealt with something similar before - in terms of behaviour, no idea if the health issue was the same- and eventually, after lots of support and continuing health issues, the teacher took a compromise deal and has never taught again but is much happier and works full-time. Teaching and mental health issues are not a good mix either for the teacher or for children.

buckeejit · 03/07/2018 09:46

I think if the necessary professionals deem him safe to be working again after 5 days then you should trust that judgement. It doesn't sound like you have a very in depth knowledge of mental health issues OP so you may feel less comfortable with this timeframe but that's irrelevant.

Encourage your dd to behave well & report to another teacher if there is any heckling or goadiness in his class -as I remember a similar incident when I was about 14 & really felt sorry for the teacher who subsequently had a breakdown.

Hope all goes ok

rosesandflowers1 · 03/07/2018 09:48

The DD is lying massively.

I daresay her account was distorted, but do you actually believe a young girl came home crying and very visibly distressed, that she told an account of her teacher smashing a ruler onto a desk and has a picture of this, and that her story does match in many ways with others in her class - and that there's nothing worrying behind it?

I agree with you, @Starlighter. People are happy to believe that her daughter is a chronic liar whose somehow manipulated her year group into backing her story and staged a photo, to lead a smear campaign against her history teacher. Bonus for the Oscar winning performance that convinced her mother that she was in extreme distress/traumatised.

If you ask me, a teacher yelled something about tigers, possibly delusional, and smashed a desk forcefully with a stick, upsetting more sensitive members of the class and inspiring lots of gossip and sensationalism from the cheeky bold members of the year group. But then you have to admit a teacher isn't equipped to do their job and that's too much for some of Mumsnet...

MarthaArthur · 03/07/2018 09:53

Whats too much is making up stories about mental health issues. As if theres not enough stigma and misunderstanding.

StrangeLookingParasite · 03/07/2018 10:01

What's too much about dismissing out of hand the credibility of children? As if there's not enough disbelief and gaslighting.

SlowDown76mph · 03/07/2018 10:01

I think most 13yr olds, and quite a lot of adults come to that, would be disturbed and distressed by seeing an adult in a state of mental distress and possible delusion. And this happened in a place where the adult was in authority and known to them, not a stranger.

Why are some posters here expecting a higher standard of reaction from youngsters, e.g. like going to get help, or remaining calm and factual about what happened - when more than a few adults, with life experience and knowledge, wouldn't meet that standard?

EmergencyBanana · 03/07/2018 10:02

If any of this has a grain of truth, then it's very insensitive to paste it all over mumsnet. I hope this teacher never finds out. Especially if it's been exaggerated beyond recognition.

rosesandflowers1 · 03/07/2018 10:05

If the teacher looked very out of control and was screeching about tigers, even if he wasn't deluded at all but just bellowing a quote or something, I'd imagine at least one 13 yo would suggest he was hallucinating. There are no tigers in the classroom, he looks like he's mad, they've probably got misconceptions about certain mental illnesses and yes, they're thirteen. I daresay others would agree and the story that "Mr [X] had a hallucination about tigers!" would spread and eventually readily be accepted as fact.

It doesn't mean her DD is lying. It means that gossip is distorting a child's retelling of a story when she is extremely distressed.

Whether or not he was actually hallucinating, something clearly needs to be addressed. It sounds like he has some anger problems at the very least.

petrolpump28 · 03/07/2018 10:12

I think the teacher had possibly been spending too much time listening to Les Miserables. Possibly Susan Boyles audition on BGT.

petrolpump28 · 03/07/2018 10:14

if there is for one second a grain of truth in this, I assume the school will have a safe guarding policy in place.

The student should have a word with somebody and say in private. " I am concerned about *** mental health"

Dogmatix34 · 03/07/2018 10:15

For me it’s the idea of a teenager and not a retired general using the phrase “bugger off” that I find the hardest to believe.

Roomba · 03/07/2018 10:18

If the teacher looked very out of control and was screeching about tigers, even if he wasn't deluded at all but just bellowing a quote or something, I'd imagine at least one 13 yo would suggest he was hallucinating. There are no tigers in the classroom, he looks like he's mad, they've probably got misconceptions about certain mental illnesses and yes, they're thirteen. I daresay others would agree and the story that "Mr [X] had a hallucination about tigers!" would spread and eventually readily be accepted as fact.

Yeah, I could see that happening. We had a couple of teachers that were rumoured to be insane and have done various 'crazy' things in class. I'm sure that it was 99% chinese whispers and misinterpretation in retrospect!

That said, I did have one teacher who did have a very public breakdown in class. He tipped his desk over, started smashing stuff up and grabbed a boy, threatening to throw him out of the window. Poor bloke was a new teacher who had been pushed over the brink by kids bullying him mercilessly. He was removed immediately though and never returned. I can't see a hallucinating teacher who shouts scary things being allowed to remain in the classroom.

Sparklesocks · 03/07/2018 10:23

The problem with piecing together stories from multiple sources is you often get a distorted account which doesn't add up. It's difficult to take action based on those types of accounts because it's unclear what exactly took place. The fact kids/parents/teachers are saying different things is confusing.

If you're concerned, you need to contact the school and ask how they understand the events unfolded. But I also think you need to trust that they are handling it correctly.