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Original poster

Partner away day drinking whilst I'm sick at home

118 replies

Crewpt · 02/07/2018 15:41

Off work sick today and partner decided to go day drinking, just like he did yesterday. I asked would he come home as I'm feeling lonely and sick and have noone else this part of the country. That was 3 hours ago. I won't be able to say anything to him when he gets back because he turns nasty and defensive. Just feeling absolutely worthless and miserable at the moment

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 04/07/2018 07:20

He could sit in all day and look for a job.

I can't see how he can afford to go out so much when he's not working.

I used to be married to one like this. Within 2 hours of me being home with our twins, he was in the pub 'wetting the babies' heads'. Get rid of him before you end up tied down with kids.

Babdoc · 04/07/2018 07:38

This man is not in a relationship with you, he’s in a relationship with alcohol. He loves his bottle more than you, he prioritises it over you, over getting a job, over having a normal life.
By staying with him, you are a co dependent enabler - you are helping him to drink by funding his lifestyle and looking after him.
It would be far better for both of you if you left him. Force him to take responsibility for his alcoholism, and allow you to have a normal happy life, either as a single woman or in a relationship with a decent loving man who is not an alcoholic.
Please gather up your self esteem and pride, tell yourself you deserve so much better than this waste of space, and walk. Walk right out of this utterly unsatisfying relationship, and into a new happier life. You can do it, OP.

Original poster
Crewpt · 04/07/2018 12:42

Thanks ladies, you have all been incredible and I am thankful I don't have kids as I would be tied to him for life. Another row this morning I plead with him to understand that it's not that I don't want him going out its that he doesn't need a drink everytime he goes out. He is like a brick wall and doesn't seem to understand what I am saying. He is just on the defence. So frustrating and I'm tempted to just pack my job in and move back home.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crewpt · 04/07/2018 12:51

And it's also my fault because I work long shifts

OP posts:
Shumpalumpa · 04/07/2018 13:23

Move back home, OP. There's nothing worth fighting for here. You are young and are worth so much more than this.

PoisonousSmurf · 04/07/2018 13:29

Sorry OP, but you need to leave him. Drink shows his true colours. When he's sober he's lying to you.
Nasty drunks are nasty people end of!

MissConductUS · 04/07/2018 13:36

its that he doesn't need a drink everytime he goes out.

But he does. That's the problem.

Alcoholics are incredibly defensive about their alcohol consumption, how it's not really a problem, how they are adults who can do as they wish, etc. I was the same way.

You can't fix this Crewpt and he can't just stop drinking like a normal drinker could. It's changed his brain chemistry. He needs treatment and won't get better on his own. Count on it.

If you're unsure, see if you can locate an al-anon group near you to attend.

Good luck. Flowers

Original poster
Crewpt · 07/07/2018 16:50

Just an update I'm home now and away from him. He turned on me last night calling me a fucking cunt etc and threatened to burn my belongings if I wasn't there to collect em. Brothers promptly arrived and gathered my stuff and I'm now back with dad. Terrifying having to start again though, thank you all, if it weren't for all u ladies words in my head I probably would of stayed x

OP posts:
thethoughtfox · 07/07/2018 17:01

You are fucking awesome

Original poster
Crewpt · 07/07/2018 17:55

Thank you! I am probably on a high at the moment I will more than likely feel like shit tomorrow.but I will be strong x

OP posts:
HappyHedgehog247 · 07/07/2018 21:14

Well done. List some of the things he’s done, even just mentally, to her you through any lows. You deserve so much better than this. X

PrimalLass · 07/07/2018 21:24

Good - I scrolled to the end to make sure you were out. Well done you.

happypoobum · 08/07/2018 10:12

Well done OP.

Just be wary.When he runs out of drinking money he will be on the phone, telling you how much he misses you and how he is going to change. Fact is he is an abusive alcoholic and a complete waste of space.

Use this time to rebuild your confidence. You will look back and be embarrassed you ever stayed with such a loser. Flowers

Gingernaut · 08/07/2018 10:19

You haven't failed.

You have the means and the support to find your own place.

Take care.

Smallhorse · 08/07/2018 14:13

Well done

myusernamewastakenbyme · 10/07/2018 11:47

Well done op....i've recently ended a relationship with a man who at times was emotionally abusive and he was also a heavy drinker....never again will i settle for a man who needs to drink every day x

Original poster
Crewpt · 11/07/2018 23:18

He is texting asking can he bring the rest of my stuff down and begging me to let him at least do the right thing. Sounds like he wants to make his conscience clear. I shouldn't even be replying to him but I told him to bin it its all replaceable. He also keeps asking do I need money. I told him no. I'm being looked after until I get back on my feet. He doesn't get to make himself feel better this time.

OP posts:
seventhgonickname · 11/07/2018 23:48

Well done, you're on your way to a happier life.It may be Ricky for a while but stay strong and it will get better.
Glad you have family who care in RL,it makes all the difference.Flowers

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