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Original poster

What type of woman believes this behaviour is ok?

86 replies

Tinyhandprintseverywhere · 02/07/2018 00:50

I've been having an absolute nightmare weekend with exdp, it's his weekend to have the dcs and as usual he hasn't turned up as he is more interested in spending time with his friends and new gf.

So on Friday morning I called to remind him that he needs to collect ds from his club, as I would be working and wouldn't be able to do it. As soon as he answered he was being vile so I knew from then he wouldn't be having themp, so I hung up and arranged for a friend to collect him for me.

On my way to work in the evening I called him again to ask about the maintenance he was meant to put in my account but didn't,
He told me he would drop it at his mums and I would have to collect it there.
I told him I couldn't do that which resulted in a screaming match, he was basically calling me a stupid woman and every other name under the sun, all the while this is happening I can hear his gf laughing in the background, as if it's all a big joke to her.

Anyway it ended with him saying he would collect the dcs Saturday morning which of course he didn't so I took them out instead, he's then called me @3pm wanting to collect them I told him I was out.

I then started receiving txts telling me I'm playing games, then again today he calls me ranting down the phone blaming me for the way the situation is, again with his gf in the background telling me to get off the phone, we've both exchanged some horrible messages to each other aswell today which totally drains me.

Now my question is how as a woman can you sit there and listen to someone verbally abusing the mother of his children, knowing he hasn't seen them since fathers day and laugh?
I'm sure in the very near future he will want to have the dcs around her so he can play disney dad and I feel very uncomfortable with them being around both of them.

OP posts:
FreudianSlurp · 02/07/2018 00:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tomatoesrock · 02/07/2018 00:56

I do not know. I would not. Gosh he sounds like a prize prick. Is there a court order in place. If an exdp was letting down by DC, I would stop contact.

How old are your DC. Old enough to know they were not his priority.

Lovebeingmama · 02/07/2018 00:57

She sounds vile but Id be more bothered about the behaviour of your ex tbh.
You need to get some formality around his visitation and maintenance arrangements. Limit your contact and having to put yourself through his pathetic ‘crap dad’ performances in front of his new gf.

avamiah · 02/07/2018 00:59

He’s no doubt been telling her that your the problem, and everything is your fault.
However calling you names and bad language is totally unacceptable and in my opinion that makes her a low life for being with somebody who does that .
Try not to let this bother you too much and if things get worse you should seek some legal advise .

Original poster
Tinyhandprintseverywhere · 02/07/2018 01:06

@FreudianSlurp I'm in no way directing my anger at her, I know who's to Blame.
What I would like to know why would a woman be laughing at another woman being abused by her partner? If it was me I would not be in that relationship for very long...do you see why he's my ex?

@Lovebeingmama He will not stick to anything this is the problem.
Since November last year he has had them 4 times as he prefers to spend that time with her, while he's there he won't answer calls or messages from Friday until Monday morning.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 02/07/2018 01:09

Well no offence but you had children with him. Which suggests he has another side (facade) which is presumably the one he's currently showing her. Shell find out what he's like soon enough. Meanwhile why dont you go to the CMS about maintenance money and persue court-ordered contact times.

Lovebeingmama · 02/07/2018 01:13

It’s crap but I’d leave him to it. If the order says he picks them up on Friday at a specific time and he doesn’t show up, that’s it. Why bother chasing him to get abuse? If he calls to pester you, ignore the call.
I’d also keep records of all his ‘no shows’
It’s crap for you as you’re not getting the support you need but he’s obviously an arse.
You can sort out the maintenance though so you don’t have to chase him for it.

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/07/2018 01:15

Silly woman.

Clearly she can't see that the way he is treating you now is the way he will treat her in the future. Because she is "different".......

To answer your question....a woman who believes his charm and his bullshit that you are a crazy bitch and he was the victim. She'll learn, they all do eventually.

Original poster
Tinyhandprintseverywhere · 02/07/2018 01:15

No offence taken, when I was with him he genuinely wasn't like this, of course we had arguments like every couple do.
But he completely changed overnight, ended up cheating and leaving for the ow, who in comparison to this one was a dream.

I've contacted cms but they're dragging their heels.
Can I actually take him to court to get court ordered access? And even if I did what would happen if again he didn't stick to it?

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 02/07/2018 01:19

""Since November last year he has had them 4 times as he prefers to spend that time with her,""

No, he hasn't seen them, because they are not a priority. Nothing to do with her. You seem to want to bring her into this situation.

It's time to stop contact and get formal arrangements in place. Rather than letting him pick up and drop your children, when it suits him.

Put other boundaries in place, as well, around how he speaks to you etc.

Lovebeingmama · 02/07/2018 01:20

A court order would lay down the agreement formally do you didn’t have to discuss this with him.
You can’t force him to have access though. What an arse!

DoJo · 02/07/2018 01:21

Sounds like they are well suited! I wonder if there's some or man out there on a forum who's baffled that his previously plrasant wife turned into a spiteful twat and is now out there encouraging her latest squeeze to be a dick to his ex wife. At least they have taken each other out of circulation - that's a small silver lining I suppose!

thebewilderness · 02/07/2018 01:29

These are the women who believe the stories men tell them about the crazy ex until they are the crazy ex.
They have been conditioned from childhood to believe the myth of the crazy ex wife.

BarbarianMum · 02/07/2018 01:30

A court order wouldn't make him see them of course but it would lay out exactly when he could see them (days/times) and could also say what would happen if he's late/doesn't show eg if more than 15min late then visit is cancelled, if he doesnt show on 1 weekend he doesn't get to demand them the next. If you then end up in a situation where he's regulatly a no-show then you can go back to court and get contact officially reduced, which might be better for your kids.

moira123io · 02/07/2018 01:36

I sympathise with you OP. That is no way to treat the mother of his kids! My DH had a similar situation with his first wife, his DD from that relationship has called me 'mum' since 7, now 23 and has no relationship with her bio-mother. So all I can say is if the ex wants the kids to respect him, he better show some respect for you. They might be young but they will pick up on the behaviour. She sounds spiteful, like you're getting in the way of their 'fun' together. Lots of rebound gf's like that unfortunately. Kia kaha, much love to you!

ilovvvvemud · 02/07/2018 01:38

I always say the best thing you can do to people who feel like they can belittle and bully you is laugh at them.

Ino it sounds silly, but next time she does it just like giggle and then laugh and say why is your girlfriend laughing like a school girl? Oh my god she sounds pathetic. Something along them lines. Make her feel so small she would soon shut her mouth.

As for the ex I've got nothing for he

ilovvvvemud · 02/07/2018 01:38

You*

Original poster
Tinyhandprintseverywhere · 02/07/2018 01:43

@Birdsgottafly I don't wish to bring her anywhere, I'm stating a fact.
They are not his priority because she and his friends are.

I have had this for 5 years now, it started to get better in Jan last year obviously until November, when he started to detach from them and dissapear every weekend.
He done the same thing when we were together, that's how I knew he was cheating.

Thank you for the advice re court order, I will look into it tomorrow.
I've always tries to give him the benefit of the doubt as I wanted to dcs to find out for themselves what he's like, which they're starting to do now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tinyhandprintseverywhere · 02/07/2018 01:47

Good advice, my go to is always anger which is why I posted here and didn't rant at either of them on the phone.

She's also not a rebound from me, she was the ow while he was with the ow he left me for.Hmm

OP posts:
Battleax · 02/07/2018 01:55

What I would like to know why would a woman be laughing at another woman being abused by her partner?

To wind you up.

It’s very unnatural to laugh at a “screaming row” regardless of whose side you’re on. How many times have you ever, ever seen or heard someone do that? I never have. People go on alert if there’s loud, aggressive dispute nearby. They don’t laugh.

So she’s doing it to wind you up.

So don’t give it headspace. If you do, you’re giving her what she wants.

henpeckedinchief · 02/07/2018 06:10

He sounds awful - but no idea why it's her you're bothered about!

He will have spun her stories about you. He must be a plausible liar because he took you in in the past or you wouldn't have DCs. That's what abusive men are like - they convince women they're nice guys who've just been victims of someone unreasonable.

I doubt she's a particularly nice person if you heard her laughing but don't blame her for being taken in by a manipulative asshole. He is the one whose behaviour is causing you so much trouble.

Coughy · 02/07/2018 06:30

Shes psycho
And its not her fault. HE is the wanker. She shouldnt even be on your mind or focus. HE is the one that doesnt prioritise his children. If it wasnt her it would be someone or something else. I wouldnt even waste energy trying to understand her shes not the issue its HIM.

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 02/07/2018 06:46

Problem is you don’t know what kind of story he’s spun her, might of made you look a right raving lunatic so she will ju#t be on his side. Unfortunately some people are so blinded by love they will believe anything they get told. No it’s not right but unfortunately that how it is. Nout much you can do, unless you stop all contact which isn’t probably helpful to anyone.

headinhands · 02/07/2018 06:47

He's told her you're nuts, abusive, childish, vindictive and more.

Candyflip · 02/07/2018 06:54

What type of woman blames other women for the behaviour of men? Fucking ridiculous.