What type of woman believes this behaviour is ok?

[Tinyhandprintseverywhere]

I've been having an absolute nightmare weekend with exdp, it's his weekend to have the dcs and as usual he hasn't turned up as he is more interested in spending time with his friends and new gf.

So on Friday morning I called to remind him that he needs to collect ds from his club, as I would be working and wouldn't be able to do it. As soon as he answered he was being vile so I knew from then he wouldn't be having themp, so I hung up and arranged for a friend to collect him for me.

On my way to work in the evening I called him again to ask about the maintenance he was meant to put in my account but didn't,
He told me he would drop it at his mums and I would have to collect it there.
I told him I couldn't do that which resulted in a screaming match, he was basically calling me a stupid woman and every other name under the sun, all the while this is happening I can hear his gf laughing in the background, as if it's all a big joke to her.

Anyway it ended with him saying he would collect the dcs Saturday morning which of course he didn't so I took them out instead, he's then called me @3pm wanting to collect them I told him I was out.

I then started receiving txts telling me I'm playing games, then again today he calls me ranting down the phone blaming me for the way the situation is, again with his gf in the background telling me to get off the phone, we've both exchanged some horrible messages to each other aswell today which totally drains me.

Now my question is how as a woman can you sit there and listen to someone verbally abusing the mother of his children, knowing he hasn't seen them since fathers day and laugh?
I'm sure in the very near future he will want to have the dcs around her so he can play disney dad and I feel very uncomfortable with them being around both of them.

It'll be her in your place eventually so she wont be laughing then. How any woman can sit back sniggering whilst the bf abuses another woman -the mother of his child - is beyond me too. Poor child. Its bad enough having to spend time with a bastard when u live with him please imagine how it feels to be handed over to scary monster person regularly. I wouldn't let your ex walk my dog, certainly he's not made for childcare. He's a twat so is his girlfriend but she's got a lesson coming. Try not to enjoy it when it happens.

She's probably the sort that sees you as a threat even though any rational mind could figure out you're anything but. Besides, your ex is clearly a nobber. He's unlikely to attract a mature, emotionally intelligent woman. I think you'd be best to try and forget about her and focus on getting some kind of workable long term arrangement with your ex over maintenance and access. I think you also need to accept that he is never going to be someone you can rely on for any level of coparenting. Stop hoping that he will step in to look after the kids when you have other commitments. You're just setting yourself up for disappointment, frustration and anger.

People don't change overnight, they just made their true colours for a while and others can be blind to the faults.

She's likely seeing that side of him just as you did. Hopefully she will wise up and has the self esteem to leave him when she realises.

@CandyFlip

What type of woman blames other women for the behaviour of men? Fucking ridiculous.

His gf is laughing in the background and telling OP to get off the phone, That's the woman's behaviour not her Exs.
No doubt her ex has told his gf a load of tosh about OP and going along with him however it is still is HER behaviour.

OP, i would do what PPs have said and get a court order in place.
That way you both know where you stand and when he doesnt show, You can ask for him to have less contact.

He's an arse, but did you need to keep calling him?

Just keep a note of the no shows and contact CMS for the money.

You are both winding each other up.

You need a solicitor and you need to contact him only through the solicitor. You shouldn’t have to deal with him abusing you. Take your texts to a solicitor, explain what is happening and I am sure they will advise court order contact and no direct communication between the two of you.

But mrselijah it resulted in a screaming match. Who the fuck does that? Go to court, get it in writing then that cunt can’t dick around. Don’t lower yourself OP, and it really isn’t her that is your problem. He sounds like a massive twat.

Dont call him! Your walking into the lions den! im not blaming you he shouldn't act like that, but you know what hes like. I wouldn't dream of calling my stbxh as he would treat me like shit! Get some firm arrangements in place and dont budge from them. The children need to know where they stand. If he doesnt turn up to see them then thats his loss. Use child maintenance to get the money, let them deal with the stress. This clearly carnt be a cosy arrangement between the 2 of you as hes too vial, you need to remove yourself from the situation.
Also keep a diary of the way he talks to you and when he cancels seeing the children. If you have to go to court this will really help. This is another reason not to speak to him on the phone as its not traceable.

@waggymama I called him twice, I didn't keep calling him.

@candyflip I'm not blaming her, I know he's the arsehole and has more than likely told her that I'm the crazy ex, however does that excuse her behaviour? There is not a man in this world who I would listen to nor have any respect for, if he was on the phone threatening to beat up his child's mother.

he is the problem. Go to court.

Does he have a job and a bank account. If so just put it in the hands of collect and pay. You can show he’s not paying mai tenancy so fuck him. He won’t like the 20% fine either

It’s nothing do with contact but if you can show you’ve continually made the children available but he has turne duo to collect them only ha handful of times then I would take the initiate and go to court to vary the order. For less contact as this ongoing fiasco is really not in the interests of your children.

And as for the other woman well as others have said the penny will drop eventually. Leave her to it, safe In the knowledge she too will be an ex one day.

@Whatiwishfor I rarely call him if I'm being honest, as you say I know what he's like.
If I text him he will usually ignore it or not respond for hours, on Friday I needed an immediate response as it was about collecting ds from his club.

I used to keep a diary of when he done all of these things and it looks as though I'll have to start doing so again.
The whole situation is so tiring, I thought we had turned a corner last year but I was wrong, very wrong.

You're incredibly superior about how you wouldn't fall for the deceptions of a man... A man who you had multiple children with, and so presumably a long-term relationship. People don't change overnight, this stuff was there before and you didn't see it as a red flag. Just like she doesn't.

You say that you know that blame lies with him not her, but that's not the message you're giving. Forget about her - and don't assume that you would never make the same mistakes as her. You did once, and unless you're self-aware about that then you're very vulnerable to it happening again.

Hi Tinyhandprintseverywhere, i get you 100%, i'm in a very similar situation with my ex for the last 3 years, turned into another person overnight when he left, my boys are 13 and 11 and have decided for themselves now that they don't want to see their dad to which i get the blame of course, and all the name calling to which i dont care, I've accepted now that they are not his priority although it hurts and i cannot believe it but you cant control how others act only yourself so go from there. He even stopped giving me maintenance to teach me a lesson so i took him to CMA, there making him pay almost double a week what he was so that lesson never worked. He was furious but not my fault. You carry on your life with your kids and don't plan for him to have them then you can't be let down. I've done the sitting around whilst he's had a lie in then decided to turn up about 12.30 then bring them back after 2 hours because he's got a life too. You can't change the way he is so don't waste your energy trying. Your right, what kind of woman would want to be with someone who treats their own kids like that never mind another woman, god knows what rubbish he's told her, likely that you wont let him see them. Don't give her the satisfaction of hearing you getting angry on the phone either. Her opinion doesn't matter to you, put all your energy into your kids.

MargaretCavendish's post is harsh but fair. Stop focusing on the GF, she is irrelevant and the least of your problems.We all have a finite amount of emotional energy. That which you're wasting on her would be far better used elsewhere.

People DO change overnight as many posters on here can testify. Blaming the op for not seeing red flags before she had kids with this man is bonkers. My reading of the OP is that this isn't about her ex.. Her thread is about women who see their boyfriends behaving appallingly to the mother of their children and not only stay with them but find it funny. She's not blaming the woman for the ex's behaviour, just wondering why women would witness such behaviour and stay with them.. And I agree that I can't understand that either. The issues with the ex and contact are a different thread really.

What kind of woman laughs when they hear their bf abusing the woman who is the mother of his children? I agree with Battleax she enjoys winding you up. She was laughing loud enough for you to hear her. I also agree with TooTrueToBeGood. Some women see other women as a threat.
longwayoff makes a valid point about how ur dc must feel. I'd also like to add that maybe she thinks her laughing at you is going to impress her bf, show her loyalty to him while deluding herself into thinking she's different, better, he would never treat her like that. I'd pity her if I was you. Take the high ground and surround your dc and yourself in love. He doesn't live with you anymore, create a warm loving home and thank the universe that you are not a crappy person like your ex and his gf. Ignore anyone on here who tries to wind you up by misinterpreting what you have written and putting you down. They're just as bad as exp gf. It's hard being a sp with an ex like yours.

Tinyhandprintseverywhere
I'm not blaming her, I know he's the arsehole and has more than likely told her that I'm the crazy ex, however does that excuse her behaviour?

She doesn't need excusing she's laughing at him. He's rolling his eyes and making funny hand gestures whilst you're ranting away on the phone. He's being amusing, she's responding.

She thinks you're the crazy ex, because that's what she's been told.

You need to actually forget about her entirely and focus on whats important.

I don't think I'm superior to her or anyone else for that matter, I'm also not saying that I didn't fall for his charms, however during our 5 year relationship he was never abusive towards me, he never even swore in front of me and if he did he would apologise. It was only in the last 6 months of our relationship that he started to turn nasty, so if he had been like that at the beginning, which of course not many abusive men are, or he would have spoken to me or any other woman like that, I wouldn't be on here asking the question that I did as there would be no children.

My focus is not purely on this woman and as I've said I'm 100% sure he has spouted a load of rubbish to her.
I've just never had to deal with this kind of situation before, I'm used to him being that way now and I honestly don't allow it to get me down how it used to, otherwise I'd be a nervous wreck, which is why I asked my question of why would a woman do that?

OP as other posters have tried to point out it is because he is showing a different side - the side you fell for - to her.

Remember she can only hear one side of the phone call and he will be making out that you are being extremely verbally abusive to him on the phone. If she was more mature she would tell him not to engage in an argument or angry words with you on the phone.

why would a woman do that?

Because she simply has no idea of your history with him, your feelings, your attitude, your emotions.

I too used to be naive and believe that people can't change overnight, but having experienced it myself i was proved wrong, after 13 years.
Yes people can and do change overnight, my ex never treated me bad ever, he does now, he and his gf treat each other very bad, their problem, they have a very volatile relationship even involving the police on several occasions, i know he's not happy, his problem, he's not the person he was.
I certainly wouldn't stay with someone who wasn't interested in their own kids, it says a lot about a man. She's a fool, don't entertain her, it will be her next.
I'm happy now and my boys are happy so i concentrate on that.

I haven't a clue what their relationship is like and I don't want to know.

I've pretty much had enough of the way he speaks to and treats me and our dcs, they deserve better than that.

I have spoken to cms again today and they are still looking into the case and haven't made any contact with him, I've also just found out he was fired from his job last week so I'm pretty sure there will be no maintenance for now.

Tiny, the gf will get her comeuppance, you know the crap that will be heading in her direction when she’s the ex. Feel sorry for her and happy that you’re rid of the ex partner. You’re not alone, most women have experienced a man turn into an arse after the end of the relationship.
There’s that saying : ‘The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good’
So once a man doesn’t need you, you see his true character.
I think a lot of reply posts are suggesting you need emotional distance between you and the ex. An access order and using the cms should give you that.
Kick him to the curb, you don’t need this. X

Don't communicate with him by phone. Do everything by text so you always have proof of his abuse. You also won't have to listen to that stupid woman laughing in the background.