have any of you ever went nc with a family member permantely?

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I'm not talking about a fight that went on 6 months or 2 years, I am talking about a long term permanent nc arrangement that will likely never be resolved.

It is just that I was chatting to a colleague on Friday and she told me she went nc with her parents over a decade ago and hated them, she never said what it was about and I did not want to pry but I just wondered have you or any1 you know ever went long term nc with a family member and how long ago was it?
What was it over[you do not have to say this]?
Do you still see them at ocassions?
Do you think it was worth it?

I have but it wasn’t down to my choice originally. When I was 17 and my DB was 19 my dad decided to cut off all contact after he married another woman (6 months after getting decree absolute from my DM through...). He told me and my brother through an email that we “weren’t the children he wanted” and he was starting over with his new wife. I was originally devastated, tried to change his mind, sent birthday cards for years. Never got a reply but saw the odd notification on LinkedIn every couple of years that he’d checked my profile. My DM was upset too as she wanted him to have contact with us, even though he was emotionally and physically abusive to her throughout their marriage. Eventually, after counselling and meeting my wonderful DH, I realised my dad was an incredibly toxic and abusive man and we were all better off for not seeing him. It’s been 11 years now since he cut all contact. Now I’m expecting my first DS with DH due in September and it’s helped me realise that firstly nothing in the world could make me cut off my kids without a word, and secondly I wouldn’t want my dad anywhere near my son now even if he suddenly came back on the scene. So despite it not being my choice originally, I don’t have any regrets.

My parents.
Their abuse had gone from just to me, then my dh and when they started on my dcs, I decided that we couldn't be around them anymore. They have personality disorders.
We haven't seen them for five years. This means I haven't seen my extended family for this time. We've moved house, so they don't know where we are, don't allow any publishing of the dcs photos or name, tight control on our social media, ds1 has autism, so I've had to set up an alternative Facebook account for support groups as I don't want any information to get back to my parents. I don't tell my relatives anything about my dcs, or put photos of them on social media.
Yes, it was worth it. I wish I'd done it sooner.

Me and my sibling haven’t had a relationship with my mother for nearly 10 years. She’s now got 5 grandchildren that’s she’s never met. I can’t see anyway back from it so I imagine that NC will permanently continue.

I stopped speaking to my brother over 3 years ago now. I suspect that he is a sociopath.

There was one incident too many and I washed my hands of him. My family found it hard...but I stuck to my choice and don't regret it.

''I stopped speaking to my brother over 3 years ago now. I suspect that he is a sociopath.

There was one incident too many and I washed my hands of him. My family found it hard...but I stuck to my choice and don't regret it.''

Do you still see him at family events?

Very similar to Chedworth (in fact didnt even see this as a NC case until they mentioned it) but I have had no contact with my father since 1974...

Well I saw him at my GM's funeral about 1990 but he didnt even say hello, his wife (the OW) asked lots of questions but I could just see him sneering. I dont think he was impresses...he is very, very snobby and dont think we were classy enough for him. His wife offered us a lift and he was silent all the time.

Anyway things have moved on myself and DB have children he will never see and I can say I would never want to meet him as I just have nothing I want form him

Well I would relish the opportunity to tell him to piss off but that's not going to happen.

what age were you in 74?

Have namechanged for this.

I am NC with my entire family on my side due to them siding and supporting my F when I reported him for historic abuse and coercive behaviour against me. It’s been six months since we last spoke but I will never ever see them again after the pain and suffering they put me through for many years. They are classic narcissistic abusers.

Some days I struggle with the fact I only have my DH, DD and select members of his family now, but the freedom I feel at no longer having to keep secrets and live a lie is so overwhelmingly positive. My health has also improved too.

Oldraver - agree, wish I could tell mine to piss off too or something. Sky writer perhaps?!

I have been almost entirely NC with my parents and one of my siblings for 6 years. I have seen my parents once in that time.

The incident that precipitated it was very much a straw that broke the camel’s back scenario, but it led to an airing of grievances and I realised that my mother would never listen, would never change, would never apologise, would never give a shit.

It was hard at first and defying her was very scary. But I haven’t once missed them, and their absence from my life has been nothing but positive.

I have seen other family individually, but I haven’t attended any big family occasions. I don’t miss them either.

The only awkwardness is when I try to explain the situation to new friends. I avoid it for as long as possible and only really tell people who I think are likely to understand. I still get that wrong sometimes and the confusion and suspicion on some people’s faces is hard to see.

Yes. 10 years ago, parents and sister. It was the best thing for me and my family at the time and it still is today

Seven years and counting. Not my choice and breaks my heart of I think too much about it. I hate him.

My cousin hasn't spoken to my family for 19 years - I was a teenager (as was he) so feel unjustly judged. I am not who I once was nor am I who I am related to, not fair. I wish this situation was different as we were once close, but I have no choice but to respect it.

Because I had this experience, I would never cut anyone off - however I do have relatives that are just conflict causing, so I limit contact as opposed to cutting contact. I do what makes me happy.

I went NC with my dad over ten years ago, when I was 14. Several of my siblings did the same at the same time, only one is still in contact with him.
He was physically and emotionally abusive, and was an incredibly damaging man to be around. I didn't think he added anything positive to my life so I cut him out. He lives in the area still but I've only ever seen him in passing once or twice, and never spoken. He wouldn't be invited to any family occasions. Best thing I could have done.

Yes, we are NC with my FIL. He walked out, paid very little and wasnt really there for my husbands upbringing and was flakey. Had more children and made it clear my husband wasnt welcome. Divorced his second wife and was estranged from his new kids so tried to come around when we had our DD (we were early 20s) and we had to make a decision. Wasnt worth him walking out on her too. Told him to do one. See him at wider family events and just ignore him. Nothing nasty every happens. He respects not to approach and we respect the same.

I dont speak to my mums sister. She was the youngest of 5 kids and spoilt. Into drugs and scrounging money off her siblings CONSTANTLY. Had her kids taken off her etc. Complete opposite of all her siblings (all hard workers, owned their own houses and very family orientated). She caused a massive scene at my mums 60th birthday party and threatened to kill herself. Everyone was running round pandering to her. I told her to fuck off and threw her out. That was 10 years ago. Havnt heard from her. She apologised to EVERY sibling involved and the nieces/nephews she came into contact with. Apparently she was "too scared" to apologise to me so sent a half arsed message through my mum. She has since done MUCH worse things to family members that gave her "another" chance so is very much on the ropes with most people. I ignore her at all events (although she is not invited to many so its now mainly funerals she rolls up to!). She tries to talk to me, I walk away. I really dont have time for drama llamas.

I went NC with my mother 25 years ago. Long story but she was a vicious bully who verbally abused me my whole life and made it clear she regretted having me (got pregnant to trap her then boyfriend). She had loads of relationships and I was exposed to lots of stuff a child shouldn't see. She was very good a fooling people outside of the family and even got the school headmaster on her side as she used to drop into his office for a chat a cigarette (it was the 70s), she used to brag he thought she was Mother Theresa (I wish!). She finally settled and married a nice guy who was lovely to me and I formed a strong bond with him. However, it didn't last, the relationship ended and she told me I was not allowed to see him again. I refused. Our relationship ended, I walked away, she tried manipulating me and punished me by giving my dog away and making malicious phone calls. Best thing I ever did getting that woman out of my life. She never got to meet her grandchildren. She's dead now.

My mother and her vile husband after he tried it on with me. It was the final nail in the coffin. So much has happened I just cannot be around them anymore. It's toxic and not healthy. Best thing I ever did.

My mother. 11 years now I think. She has BPD and I just couldn't cope with it any more. She became a danger to my children so I ended our relationship (that's the very very short version). I don't see her at "occasions" because my maternal "family" is just a small collection of equally fucked up people so there are no occasions. Nc also means NO contact so that's exactly what I have.

I went NC with my entire family and occasionally wonder if I did the right thing but then I hear from them and am glad I am.

I have for years been the butt of jokes, not invited to family gatherings and reminded frequently how disappointed they are in my choices.

I had a child with complex health problems and they used to make comments about her not being as bad as made out despite a fixed diagnosis and umpteen trips a week to various appointments that were scheduled for me.

My health declined and my mental health did too. They questioned everything I did and made me feel small. Then I met my now husband and comments came thick and fast. I planned our wedding and they mocked every choice I made. Told me I had delusions of grandeur, picked apart the day and I began to realise that I didn't need their validation anymore. Then our son was born and they continued so I said enough was enough.

My brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, gran the lot.

I don't miss being the joke. I don't miss being on the sidelines. It's only my husband and I now. But we are a strong team.

Yes, SIL. She's a massive cunt and didn't like it because we refused to let her treat us and our DC like shit, she's used to being able to treat people how she wants (badly) and the family just accept it. It's been 7 years and we will never have her in our lives. MIL made excuses for her for about 6 years until DH sat her down and told her that we never wanted anything to do with her again. MIL has had no choice but to accept it. We and our DC deserve better and will will not have toxic people in their lives.

Oh my mum died when I was an early teen and my genetic material was abusive. My brothers and I were terribly abused and ended up in a children's home.

I have been non contact with him since the night we went into care. 1992.

I met him once out and about. He smiled at me and I felt like a child again and felt pure panic and nauseous. I saw him several years ago at a family funeral. I saw him for the pathetic creature that he is and no longer feel frightened of him.

With mil, and it isn't just us, it's Dh's brother and family as well. Haven't spoken to her in person since 2013 I think, and it was 2011 before that. She lied about dfils will after he died, and we caught her. She's accused us of lying and stealing, and list herself 2 sons, 2 dils and 3 adult gcs in the process.

Any communication is via solicitors.

I haven't had a relationship with my mother or siblings for about 6 years. I let her know how much I hated her for choosing her abusive boyfriend (father of siblings) over me time and time again. I said things that I doubt I will ever be forgiven for. Going NC wasn't my choice, she just didn't like what I had to say - always the victim is she. My siblings were collateral damage; once I stopped visiting my mother,I lost contact with them as they lived with her. We were never that close anyway.

I still fantasise about hurting her some more. She probably did the right thing in blocking me.

Sorry realised I hadn't answered a couple of questions.

Do you still see them at ocassions? No, we live in a different country, but even if we did we wouldn't be around her. The family excuse and enable her, their problem, not ours.

Do you think it was worth it? Yes, life is better without her in it

I am no contact with my auntie (mum's sister) and all of her family. It started with an argument between my cousin and myself and my auntie got involved with my mum and took it out on my mum. I will never speak to any of them. When the inevitable happens and my mum passes none of them will be welcome at her funeral and I know it's going to kick off.