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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask tips on how to sort this?

81 replies

NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 21:22

I have a 6 year old ds who has alway provided much hell fun when it comes to sleep. I've started threads and had great support when I've reached the end of my tether and just can't cope with the exhaustion any more however things have taken a turn and I just don't know what to do.

Back story: when ds was 18 months old we used the rapid return technique at bedtime as it was taking upwards of 3 hours to get ds to go to sleep. It took 3 nights but we got there (it didn't sort the multiple waking throughout the night, which still happen to this day) and it never happened again.....until the past week. Every night is a battle and I'm becoming progressively less tolerant, not helped by being woken approx 5-8 times a night for absolutely fuck all reason so I'm knackered.

So far we've had major kick offs because he's hungry (despite eating his body weight in food and having supper before bed), he's thirsty, his teddy has a hole, he's hot (going to bed in just shorts with only a duvet cover, window open) he's not tired etc. Now this last one bothers me because he is absolutely hanging out of his arse, he looks tired and acts hideous. Not only is he not going to sleep until gone 9pm but he's awake by 6am at the latest.

He's currently sat on the sofa next to me refusing to go to bed as he can't sleep and I'm, quite frankly, fucked right off. I just don't know how to turn this around, rapid return won't work now due to his age....please help, how on earth do I get him to go to sleep at bedtime when he's clearly knackered??

OP posts:
tinyme77 · 30/06/2018 21:26

Tell them that even if they can't sleep they still need to be quiet in their bed. They can read if not tired but nothing else.

Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 21:31

He read a book apparently then came out saying he still can't sleep. I'm so fed up with this tiny, I've only just got in from work myself, I would like to have 5 minutes to wind down and not deal with this shit. I'd also like to go to bed myself, I saw every hour last night because he kept waking and I feel shot to bloody pieces Sad

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 30/06/2018 21:36

Will he listen to a (dull) audio story? He is old enough for absolute firmness about bedtime and consequences for poor behaviour. If he won’t stay in bed and keeps waking you then you will all be too tired for any outings tomorrow.

If it is a lifelong problem has he been seen by a doctor to rule out other issues? He must be chronically tired. I really sympathise as I needed that adult time so much when mine were young.

PorkFlute · 30/06/2018 21:37

Make sure he’s got some quiet activities in his room - books, story and relaxing music cds etc and offer a reward in the morning if he stays in his room all night.

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 30/06/2018 21:41

Does he have a set bed time?

amicissimma · 30/06/2018 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bluerunningshoes · 30/06/2018 21:42

just tell him he needs to go to his bed and is not allowed to get up until 7am (unless he genuinly needs the toilet).
at that age I would expect him to understand the expectations tbh

Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 21:43

We have had all sorts of people involved...sleep practitioners, GP, HV, paediatrician. I will take this opportunity to say he definitely does not have any special needs, no ASD, and he has no medical issues whatsoever.

He is supposed to be taking part in a regional race tomorrow in something he is both very passionate about and very good at but it's 2 hours away and his race is late afternoon, meaning yet another late night. I've just told him he's not doing it.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 21:44

Oh he understands blue he never comes in my room in the morning until 7am.

His bedtime is 7.30pm

OP posts:
PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 30/06/2018 21:45

I've just told him he's not doing it.

What was his reaction?

Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 21:47

This not going to sleep until gone 9pm is a new development....one that's really pushing my buttons and getting on my nerves. I've just sent him back to bed, he was sat there rubbing his eyes and yawning but he's not tired Hmm

OP posts:
chilly32045 · 30/06/2018 21:47

I think where you going wrong maybe is letting him come out of his room and sitting on the sofa with you. You are the adult.

If he can't come out of his room he will eventually get tired and fall asleep. It's just bad habits.

My DS is 4 and he knows not to come out of his room until the first number on his clock in the morning is a 7.

Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 21:47

He was really upset and started crying, then asked to go to bed. He's been looking forward to it all week.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 21:50

chilly you're right and dp said the same thing. This weekend dsd has come to stay and it's not fair on her that he's in and out of his room calling down the stairs, or calling from his room. I was trying to do right by her but I know it was probably the wrong thing to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 21:51

Sorry lots of multiple posts but I keep remembering stuff to say Blush this is the first time I've brought him downstairs (because of dsd)

OP posts:
Gooseygoosey12345 · 30/06/2018 21:52

The only thing you can do is be tough. Give him a bedtime, say 8pm. When it gets to half 7 tell him he has 30 mins until bed, start tidying up. At 7:45 tell him it's time to brush teeth and get changed. At 8pm take him to bed, tell him goodnight and leave. Tell him before hand that once he's in bed he's to stay in his room unless its for a wee. Make sure he has a drink in there etc and that if he can't sleep he's to count sheep or make up a story in his head. Bedtime isn't optional. You're the parent, you're in control. If he leaves his bedroom don't engage in conversation or respond to whinging. A simple "you should be asleep, go back to bed" is all that needs to be said. Repeat x times if need be! Him having a routine bedtime will be good for him as well as you. No excuses, you need to be firm!

Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 21:56

goosey he has a routine, it's always been the same...milk and supper, teeth, toilet, book then sleep. Getting him to bed has been good for years (keeping him asleep not so) so I don't understand wtf has happened this last week, it's gone totally wrong but I don't know why. You're all right, of course, I need to be firmer but I'm so tired that I get more angry than firm and get shouty.....not good.

OP posts:
esk1mo · 30/06/2018 21:58

i dont have much advice, other than have you tried sitting with him in his room while he falls asleep?

i used to hate the loneliness and quietness of going to bed alone as a chils, so my mum started sitting with me just reading a book to herself. it just seems like he wants company? he isnt sitting up awake in his room is he? but coming to sit with you.

Notso · 30/06/2018 21:59

Rapid return is fine for a 6 year old.
Mine get a last requests warning to sort drinks, toys etc after that once I've said goodnight they can chat/read etc but have to stay in their rooms unless it's something urgent. I'm firm but kind, they've struggled in the heat at the moment so I have gone up to faff with the blind etc but generally they get sent back to bed.

DailyMailFail101 · 30/06/2018 22:00

Buy a gro clock, we haven’t looked back, tell him he can play in his room but mustn’t come out until the clock has changed to a sunshine, I would also be very firm and tell him that you aren’t going to come in to his room when he shouts.

esk1mo · 30/06/2018 22:00

*child

Gooseygoosey12345 · 30/06/2018 22:02

@NewDOOFUSfor18 no I totally get it, I just think sometimes it helps to go back to basics. I have a 1yo that is a sleep nazi so I understand the grouchiness and not wanting to totally lose it. My daughter went through a phase of coming downstairs after bedtime around the same age and we just went back to making sure she had a drink etc and reminding her that once she's in bed she should be trying to go to sleep or at least relaxing, not up and down! You'll get there, as much as it feels like it's a rut you'll never forget it will be over soon!

henpeckedinchief · 30/06/2018 22:03

I think you probably need to remove privileges until he learns that he stays in bed from bedtime until 7am at the earliest. He is old enough to be able to understand that. Even if he wakes in the night there is no excuse for him coming to wake you up. Even if he isn't asleep he has to stay in bed, and if he doesn't then he doesn't get to do other things he likes.

Hope it improves OP SadFlowers

isthistoonosy · 30/06/2018 22:04

IMHO I think you are expecting too much down time, my 3 and 4 yr old go to sleep around 700 / 730 until 5am. But that said we put ours upstairs at 6pm and they can 'read', play etc but no fighting and no screaming and we turn off lights, remove books and toys etc if they are being too silly.

Would a later bedtime and a star chart with rewards help motivate him to behave?

DailyMailFail101 · 30/06/2018 22:06

Bed time isn’t a punishment it’s a nice enjoyable experience, if all else fails make a sleep chart if he stays asleep he gets a sticker on the chart and at the end of seven days gets to choose a magazine or small toy if he can manage a two weeks in a row he gets to choose a special day out.