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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask tips on how to sort this?

81 replies

NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 21:22

I have a 6 year old ds who has alway provided much hell fun when it comes to sleep. I've started threads and had great support when I've reached the end of my tether and just can't cope with the exhaustion any more however things have taken a turn and I just don't know what to do.

Back story: when ds was 18 months old we used the rapid return technique at bedtime as it was taking upwards of 3 hours to get ds to go to sleep. It took 3 nights but we got there (it didn't sort the multiple waking throughout the night, which still happen to this day) and it never happened again.....until the past week. Every night is a battle and I'm becoming progressively less tolerant, not helped by being woken approx 5-8 times a night for absolutely fuck all reason so I'm knackered.

So far we've had major kick offs because he's hungry (despite eating his body weight in food and having supper before bed), he's thirsty, his teddy has a hole, he's hot (going to bed in just shorts with only a duvet cover, window open) he's not tired etc. Now this last one bothers me because he is absolutely hanging out of his arse, he looks tired and acts hideous. Not only is he not going to sleep until gone 9pm but he's awake by 6am at the latest.

He's currently sat on the sofa next to me refusing to go to bed as he can't sleep and I'm, quite frankly, fucked right off. I just don't know how to turn this around, rapid return won't work now due to his age....please help, how on earth do I get him to go to sleep at bedtime when he's clearly knackered??

OP posts:
Justneedsomeinfo · 30/06/2018 22:08

Do you think the hot weather is waking him in the night? I must admit I've heard on the monitor my 2 DC (5 and 3) a lot more the past couple of weeks. Coughing, sneezing and generally moving about a lot more in their beds. Monitor is super sensitive. They've have probably only woken up about 3 or 4 times.

How about trying a slightly later bed time say 8pm. ?
Although my 3yro has decided the last few nights he doesn't want to go to sleep either - he has been taking FOREVER to nod off !!! I'm hoping this phase will pass very quickly!!

Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 22:10

daily he has a digital clock that he is able to tell the time on Sad he knows not to come out until 7am and he doesn't (despite several wakings during the night).

I don't want to get into sitting with him until he falls asleep, it takes us back 5 years to a really horrid time that was very difficult. He has a CD player that he has playing quietly but even that has become an excuse this week as he wants to listen to something else...gah!

OP posts:
Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 22:12

just unless it's been this hot for the past 6 years and I've not noticed then I don't think that has been waking him 😂

OP posts:
Zintox · 30/06/2018 22:12

My daughter struggles to sleep. We have had a lot of success with the book The Rabbit Who Wanted To Go To Sleep.
And we have also used melatonin gummies to help her body get into a routine.
He’s not deliberately winding you up. Insomnia is awful.

RadicalFern · 30/06/2018 22:13

Nice familiar audiobook on quiet to listen to? I still play the same few while I’m going to sleep. I know the story so it’s not exciting, but the sound of the voice is soothing.

Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 22:14

I'm not sure, given how tired he is, that a later bedtime is a good idea? I don't know, I honestly don't any more.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 22:16

Ugh now dp is saying he and dsd have Been looking forward to race day tomorrow and it's not fair we don't get to go Sad I can't do right for doing wrong it seems

OP posts:
LadyPeacock · 30/06/2018 22:18

Is he an only child?

I have the magical non-sleeping 7yo. He's never been a good sleeper but at the moment he's not sleeping until after we go up to bed, so 10.30- 11 some nights. He still gets up at 6.30am latest and TBH doesn't seem tired.

I'm pretty sure he's lonely upstairs on his own and keeps himself busy with books and cds until there is somebody upstairs with him. He doesn't ask for us or bother us... just waits.

Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 22:21

lady he is in the most part, his sister lives with her mum and stays with us (arrangements are just changing as they have moved). I could only wish he would sit quietly until he fell asleep but he can't help himself!

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Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 22:22

I think that's the difference lady, ds is clearly very tired Sad

OP posts:
OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 30/06/2018 22:22

new I feel your pain. We tried the later bedtime, it helped nothing in our case. My DC are great in the morning, but getting them to go to sleep even when they're dragging seems almost impossible.
I'm sure its the light and heat, they're definitely better in winter. The most often uttered words in this house seem to be just go to bed

SaltyPeanut · 30/06/2018 22:25

I know you're tired, frustrated and struggling but you probably don't want to consider what I'm going to say because it's going to be of no comfort but here goes anyway.

Some people are just wired differently where sleep is concerned, even with no medical issues.

This is me. I have struggled to fall asleep for as long as I remember and I do remember being that young. Tired or not makes no difference, well it does, being tired makes the torture of just lying there awake even worse. It is a nightmare. Lying there in the dark, trying to force sleep sometimes makes you feel like you're going insane after so long. I remember feeling this way even as a child. I've rarely slept beyond a few hours a day even when ill, wish I could.

Just on the off chance that your child is wired like me though, can I tell you it's not naughtiness and it's not done to piss you off. Also the thought of being expected to sleep for eleven and a half hours when you struggle to nod off at all is a lot of pressure which doesn't help facilitate sleep.

I hope he's not wired like me. You get used to it and learn coping strategies but it's not fun.

Sorry if this is irrelevant or not something you want to hear right now.

Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 22:25

ohlook the most popular phrase in our house atm is "ffs" 😂😂 muttered at least 100 times a night right now.

OP posts:
Tooohot · 30/06/2018 22:27

I think 7.30 is very early for a 6 year old especially in the summer with the hot light nights.

2gorgeousboys · 30/06/2018 22:31

I agree with previous posters who have suggested he might be lonely. DS2 had always been a nightmare sleeper. He struggled to get to sleep and always woke several times a night (he didn't sleep a full night in his own bed until he was 5/6).

I found that pottering around upstairs, having a bath, sorting out washing etc helped him to know I was there. I developed a habit of an hour long bath with a glass of wine and a book that remains nearly 10 years later! A bit extreme but what cured DS2 was a dog! Our dog who was not supposed to be allowed upstairs sleeps with DS2 and the impact was almost instantaneous.

Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 22:31

No salty what you have said is not irrelevant at all, I have considered this point of view myself. I've had nights (thankfully not as often as you) where I've felt really stressed because I can't sleep so there have been times I've sat with him and talked to him until he's said he wants to sleep. I guess my inconsistency is unhelpful and there are times all the time where I'm so tired that I just want him to sleep so I can.

He's gone to sleep now, after getting upset because I said he's not allowed to race tomorrow, which steers me towards thinking he's having me on. But that could be me being awfully cynical.

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PerspicaciaTick · 30/06/2018 22:31

I would try a reward chart - a star for going to bed nicely and another star for ever night when he goes to bed at 8pm and stays (quietly) in his room until 7am. Once he's collected 10 stars, he gets a reward - his favourite tea, a board game, a trip to his favourite park. Mine also used to get a visit from the sleepy treat fairy when they didn't disturb me at night (lucky dip from a bag of stocking filler type toys) but they were slightly younger than your DS.

Give it two months and if it hasn't helped...drop the reward chart and try plan B.

Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 22:34

Really tooohot? 7.30 seems to be the going time and it was fine up until a week ago. What time does your 6yo go to bed? I'm interested, please don't read that as snippy as it writes.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 30/06/2018 22:35

Going to bed at 9pm worries me less (in terms of your sanity) than the waking 5 times a night.

Justneedsomeinfo · 30/06/2018 22:38

Apologies completely misread your OP thought he had just started waking again recently ... must be because I'm tired Grin after 3yro finally nodding off about 9pm. !!

PerspicaciaTick · 30/06/2018 22:39

I also used to do a sort of meditation technique with DD. She would lie quietly in bed in the dark and I would very quietly and slowly talk about her lying on a beach in the warm sand with the waves lapping at her toes. Her toes would start to feel heavy and settle into the warm sand, then her feet, her ankles, legs, knees etc. etc. until her head was cushioned in the sand and all her muscles felt warm and relaxed.

Basically - I bored her to sleep.

SilverLiningSomewhere · 30/06/2018 22:39

I make my ds lay down and count to 100 when he says he cant sleep, he hates it but it calms him down enough to drift off. He has to close his eyes and count slowly first 50 aloud (so I can pace it) then the rest in his head.

Its hard not to lose my shit as dd is up for hours at a time during the night so i normally go to bed by 9.30 during the week so if ds stays up I have no time to myself and it winds me up.

It's shit being knackered all the time I feel for you OP

Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 22:40

I know bitoutofpractice and now we have the 2 compounded Sad not only is he not going to sleep until late, he is also STILL waking several times a night. It's only been a week and I feel I've aged 20 years in that time!! It's bloody hard work working, running the home and doing a degree on such badly broken sleep ilthat I sometimes wonder how I'm alive at all!

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Original poster
NewDOOFUSfor18 · 30/06/2018 22:42

Basically - I bored her to sleep

That made me laugh 😂😂

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Racecardriver · 30/06/2018 22:46

Take a holiday south of the equator. Mine are the same. They rise and set with the sun the little bastards!

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