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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP went mad at me for getting the days wrong.

110 replies

BillieTee · 30/06/2018 21:14

We had something planned for tomorrow. I got the dates mixed up. Turns out it was today. It was a free event and there's a very similar (if not better) one on tomorrow. I told him I was really sorry and that it was a completely innocent mistake. I expected him to be annoyed but not to completely blow up at me.

He called me an idiot, told me his DC was looking forward to it, told me I need to be more organised and get my shit together. I'm 22 weeks pregnant and have a lot on my mind and got this one thing wrong. AIBU to feel hurt by his reaction? Or do I really need to get my shit together? I'm usually the organised one, I just made a mistake and he for some reason went nuts.

OP posts:
Nizuc · 30/06/2018 22:33

We live were there is a two day event being held - if it's the same place has he gone to the fireworks?

Queenofthestress · 30/06/2018 22:36

Honestly though, he needs to pull his weight, and if he argues about it being your job, or gets angry like that again, run, run far and wide

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 30/06/2018 22:45

He's gone out and left his child with you without asking? So you're the unpaid childcarer as well as everything else now?

BewareOfDragons · 30/06/2018 22:49

Why are you working 50 hour weeks, in your second trimester, and STILL expected to be in charge of his child's schedule and the cleanliness of your house?

I would be quite worried about the big picture here.

kaytee87 · 30/06/2018 22:50

He's a fucking arsehole.

Why didn't he remember the event if it was for his child?

Why isn't he cleaning the house?

How dare he go out without telling you and leave you with his child.

I'd be reconsidering this relationship.

moira123io · 30/06/2018 22:51

Wow. He sounds like a real prize.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 30/06/2018 22:55

And i'm another one who knows from bitter experience that domestic abuse classically starts with pregnancy :(

Wish i'd had mumsnet back then but really glad it's around now for the younger generation.

HollyGibney · 30/06/2018 22:57

I'd ask him just who the fuck he thought he was talking to and he'd better disappear till he could keep a civil tongue in his head. No doubt a big row would ensue but you can't accept that OP.

Rocinante1 · 30/06/2018 23:02

You are not a slave, or employee or naughty child.

No adult should speak to another like that. You should make that very clear to him. If someone is that frustrated then they need to walk away to calm down, and then explain how they feel. He needs to be learning that.

BitOutOfPractice · 01/07/2018 03:06

How come it was your responding to remember the event?

qwertyuiopy · 01/07/2018 03:16

Why is it your job to keep dates for him? Tell him to remember his own days out with his DC.

dundermiflin · 01/07/2018 07:01

He should be stepping up as far as the house is concerned. It's total crap that he isn't.

Losing it at you is not on. He should organise his own bloody day trips.

BitOutOfPractice · 01/07/2018 07:03

Let me get this straight. He's gone mad at you for forgetting something for his child?!

What happened when he got home op?

I think you need some serious talking before the baby arrives because this doesn't bode well

Monty27 · 01/07/2018 07:04

Does he not have a calendar all by himself?
I would kick that straight to the kerb.

MumMuuumMummy · 01/07/2018 07:05

He shouldn't be talking to you like that OP Thanks

Did he come home?

Pengggwn · 01/07/2018 07:25

Anyone who told me to get my shit together would be getting their shit together, in a bag.

Troels · 01/07/2018 07:25

I hope you are having a better day, and he is very sorry for his outburst, and groveling.

veggiethrower · 01/07/2018 07:33

What a dick.
If the event was so important to him and his DC, HE should have checked when it was on. Idiot.

I don't like the sound of him at all to be honest. That's a ridiculous thing to blow up about and then storm off in a huff. He could be mildly annoyed and maybe express that he was disappointed but not overreacting like that.

Justanothernameonthepage · 01/07/2018 07:34

Leave. Once DC are back with their DM or at school. In case you feel you can't, read why does he do that.
But the script he is following right now is punishing you by going out to ensure you for the line and panic about upsetting him again. If you aren't suitably contrite when he returns he'll call you uncaring/selfish and explain how his abandoning you with no warning is all YOUR FAULT. The idea being you start second guessing everything you do and start moderating yourself. He then can start using the 'remember when you ruined DC weekend because your memory is so bad' when he needs to feel superior/gaslight you into believing him.
He yelled at a pregnant woman before disappearing and leaving his DC. He doesn't care about you (stress in pregnancy is not good and he purposely caused you stress instead of acting like a normal caring partner). He doesn't care about his DC (he stormed out, leaving DC behind).
Once the baby is here it's harder.
Leave.leave.leave. don't allow your dB to grow up thinking this is what a good loving relationship is.

84CharingCrossRoad · 01/07/2018 07:36

What time did he get home? 🙄 🙄 🙄

Justanothernameonthepage · 01/07/2018 07:36

And if he acted like this in front of his DC or isn't back when they wake up, warn his ex of what happened and offer to write description and sign if she needs help protecting dc

neveradullmoment99 · 01/07/2018 07:43

Sounds like he has got some issue and used this situation to vent his frustration. Either way, its not on. You need to talk to him. Absolutely unacceptable because:
It was something that he wanted to do. Why cant he write it in his own diary? Its up to HIM to remember it especially as it is something to do with HIS child.
You are pregnant and work long hours and tbh when you are tired and have hormones flying around, you need to take the time for yourself. He has behaved like an arsehole.
Hope you have sorted it out and he has apologised. You need to make sure that it doesn't happen again.

timeisnotaline · 01/07/2018 07:43

I guess you should start the conversation with you’ve been thinking. You’re not getting the house clean and you are forgetting things with managing pregnancy and work. So, you won’t organise or be responsibke for remembering any entertainment ideas anymore so as not to disappoint anyone and to take the pressure off you and he will step up around the house by doing x y z. After he’s apologised.

neveradullmoment99 · 01/07/2018 07:44

..tell him it will be you walking out the door if there ever is a next time.

Juells · 01/07/2018 07:46

It sounds like it was just an excuse to sound off at you. When someone is looking for an excuse to be obnoxious they can cause a row over nothing.

He should have remembered himself
He's responsible for entertaining his own child
He should be doing the cleaning if you don't feel up to it

Very dodgy behaviour.

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