I'm your Mil ask me anything

[Milfromhades]

I don't think iabu to rearrange your knicker drawer, just being helpful! Any questions on how to be a good mummy or what amount of sugar is appropriate for a 2 year old?

We buy you lovely expendable gifts - flowers, theatre tickets, luxury chocolates...You give us a huge garden statue of a unicorn. And then you tell us where in the garden it has to go.

That'll teach you to laugh at my gnomes!

Why when you stay with us do you rinse out FIL’s skiddy undies and leave them wet, and inadequately cleansed, in the bottom of the laundry basket?

Why do you let FIL control you and put you down? You make out you don't care but I know you do.

Homebird ! Does MIL strategically take all the other washing out the basket and hide them at the bottom!?

That's so grim.

Pinstripe I have no idea if she secretes them there, or gravity takes them, or simply that is where they just happen to end up through chance. This first time I discovered them with my bare hand and almost vomited at the stench. I am now wary and go in with a marigold clad hand and my breath held.

Why am I to blame for your son ceasing to attend church fifteen years before I actually met him?

Actually why am I to blame for everything your DS happens to do that you disapprove of, from eating shellfish on holidays to never responding to texts?

Why when you stay with us do you rinse out FIL’s skiddy undies and leave them wet, and inadequately cleansed, in the bottom of the laundry basket?
Most unlike me I'm normally a bleach and boil wash sort. Must have been having a funny 5 minutes due all that gin

Pinstripe I have no idea if she secretes them there, or gravity takes them, or simply that is where they just happen to end up through chance. This first time I discovered them with my bare hand and almost vomited at the stench. I am now wary and go in with a marigold clad hand and my breath held
Lmao I just spat my tea at the computer.

homebird 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Tbh I would probably tip the whole lot away.

Do you ever think about your grandson? How could you cut him out of your life just because I left your son?

Finally a chance to ask. I know how much DH likes to please you so could you clarify for me, which do you want us to do:
a) live somewhere exotic and have you over for a 2 week holiday once every 2 years like your friend A's son (you know, the one who sends such lovely presents and ALWAYS calls his mum once a week; or
b) live a few doors away and spend most weekends with you like B's son (the one who's wife left him as she wanted some space), and only see your grandchildren once a month but have full control of what you do when they visit; or
c) not have any grandchildren or DIL but get have your son living at home and happy to go on holiday with you, go out with you in the evenings etc like C's son?

Why do you try to tell me the details of your relatives’ bowel and menstrual habits? How do you even know that stuff in the first place?

Finally a chance to ask. I know how much DH likes to please you so could you clarify for me, which do you want us to do:A,B or C

I'm thinking a mixture of B and C whereby the two of you would marry (giving me the chance to wear an enormous hat) have dgc, then leave poor DS and he would come back home to his mother. We would of course have the dgc to stay occasionally. You and I could then have an uncomfortable cup of tea when you drop them off so I can impart my years of parenting wisdom and you can make ridiculous demands that I shall just ignore, such as not giving dc family sized packs of haribo and smarties and limiting screen time. Dearie me you do run on!
This solution will also allow me to make ds feel guilty whenever A sends home one of his lovely gifts.
I think you will see my solution is a win:win all round!

Why do you try to tell me the details of your relatives’ bowel and menstrual habits? How do you even know that stuff in the first place?

Whilst these things are very interesting, most of the time I just make up the details to annoy you.

Why do you insist on ' helping out' , like offering to make dinner, then asking where all the pans are, all the ingredients are, how to use the cooker etc.

How many more times do you need to be shown how to use the remotes for telly and the Now TV box? ..round it down to the nearest 100 if you can.

Oh, and it's not a case of ' people never telling you anything' , it's more that you don't listen to anybody . Ever.

Why am I to blame for your son ceasing to attend church fifteen years before I actually met him?...Actually why am I to blame for everything your DS happens to do that you disapprove of, from eating shellfish on holidays to never responding to texts?
I just think in a marriage its good for the dh and dw to each have their own areas of responsibility. You are responsible for all my son's bad behaviour and he is responsible for doing any little odd jobs I need help with and wearing the jolly Christmas jumper I always like to knit.

What the secret ingredient in your amazingly addictive potato salad?

A question i have waited 20 years to ask....

When my mum died, three days after she had invited you round for a Christmas Eve meal and to exchange presents, why did you decide that you could neither come to the funeral nor look after the grandchildren, because you had arranged to go shopping?

Do you realise how grateful I was to your friend, who volunteered to babysit?

Do you realise how touched I was that your much criticised son in law, who barely knew my mum, came to pay his respects?

Do you realise that, ever since, I have treated you with the contempt you deserve? Have you ever wondered why visits are on my terms and that includes visits to you on your sick bed? Have you ever wondered how i could be so ruthless in clearing out your house when you had to move into a home?

Thanks OP, that feels better!

How do you manage to get your own way in everything and yet still seem to be casual and flexible (yet are anything but.)

Why do you still bring me your excess fruit and vegetables cooked in such a horrible way that I have to chuck them out (when the fruit and veg in original state I could make use of.)

Why do you insist on ' helping out' , like offering to make dinner, then asking where all the pans are, all the ingredients are, how to use the cooker etc.
I like the attention.

I wish you had married someone else so that my DH doesn’t turn into his father

What the secret ingredient in your amazingly addictive potato salad?
Love.

I wish you had married someone else so that my DH doesn’t turn into his father
I think you should be more concerned about yourself turning into your Mil.

Why do you giggle when I tell you the DC have been ill yet recall it to your friends like there has been a bereavement. Weirdo

Why do you still bring me your excess fruit and vegetables cooked in such a horrible way that I have to chuck them out (when the fruit and veg in original state I could make use of.)
Well I didn't think you'd notice going by your normal cooking.