ParkerPen- What on Earth are you talking about? You actually have no idea, and yet you think you do, which is amazing to me. My partner and I are extremely compatible thank you very much. You suggest that I am controlling towards this child, and yet you have no idea about my relationship with this child! This child is besotted with me, and I am besotted with her, simply because I don't wish to have a child of my own certainly does not mean that I don't love this one. I wouldn't change her for the world, and she wouldn't change me either. I'm very lucky to have such a loving and beautiful, relationship with my step daughter, I understand that, and simply because I have no desire to have one of my own, and don't already have one of my own, doesn't mean that my relationship 'simply won't work'. The whole notion of that is ridiculous quite frankly. I have known this child and been actively involved in her life for over two years now, I think I know what childcare entails.
My whole motivation for writing this was to consult with other experienced parents to ensure that anything I do about this (if anything) is done with absolute consideration towards the child. If all I cared about was my own lack of sleep I wouldn't have even written this post in the first place, there would be no conflict in my mind, i'd simply expect the child not to come into the bedroom without any consideration of how it may feel for her. As it happens my post was full of consideration for her, and in actual fact was largely motivated by my consideration towards her. I have no desire to 'ban' the child from cuddling her mother, I think I have made that explicitly clear in each and every post that I have made, yet I still receive such negative and hostile responses as if I'm some inconsiderate monster who wishes to come between the child and the parent. I have expressed care and understanding about not wishing to interfere with their relationship, and care immensely about how the child feels in this situation.
Without delving too deeply into my personal life and medical history with strangers over the internet; I will mention here that contrary to what most of the poster's responses imply here, I have literally done everything to cure my insomnia, it has a biological cause and 'simply going to bed earlier' actually doesn't work. I have had it since I was a child and if going to bed at 9pm each night cured it then believe me I would do that, work permitting! Please don't make sweeping assumptions about my motivation and the actions I have/haven't taken to cure my illness because you really don't have a clue.
Also, I understand the point about my insomnia being part of the problem, I agree that it is, however so is shift work, here. Sometimes even without insomnia I don't have the opportunity to get to bed until the early hours of the morning. I don't feel it is unreasonable to let me sleep if I have been working late and have several consecutive late shifts-I need to sleep in on these occasions in order to be ready for work later on, this is nothing to do with insomnia, this is my shift pattern. I literally cannot work seven consecutive late shifts on 3 hours worth of sleep each night. I get in at 3am and I'm woken up before 6am, and will not be able to fall back to sleep. My wages contribute to the household and help both mother and child as a result of this, and being able to work does depend on being able to sleep. I was hoping to find some balance that made it fair for everyone, not simply 'ban' the child from the bedroom. I have a very mentally demanding and emotionally taxing job in addition to this, I can't get away with being half asleep. Certainly my insomnia doesn't help but it is significantly worse to function when I am being woken up at 6am each and every day, regardless of how much sleep I have had. I know how I feel usually, and believe me I feel a lot worse and less able to function when I'm being woken up so early each and every day when I'm working shifts.
henpeckedinchief - Thank you for your supportive response, I think you are right here, this is prejudice towards me for not being the biological parent. I wouldn't mind at all being told in non patronising way that my expectations aren't feasible, but I'm really being spoken to as if I'm an ogre here and I feel that it is not only unfair, but unhelpful and simply isn't an accurate reflection of reality.
A few people on here have been kind and supportive towards me, even if their opinions pertain to my desires being unrealistic. Some have come up with some really helpful suggestions that make sense and are both fair to the child and myself, I will utilise these, and I'm so very grateful for the helpful, sensible inputs and support I have received. A lot of people however, have been unnecessarily hostile, condescending and have made sweeping judgments about not only my personality, motivations and relationship with my step-child, but also my relationship with my partner, for which I never required (or requested for that mattter). My relationships with both my partner and step daughter are extremely precious to me, and I don't take kindly to judgement of either of them, particularly when that judgement is that I should wipe my hands of both of them. Rather extreme, don't you think? I genuinely posted this in hope of some useful advice on how to fairly navigate a situation with regards to a child I love, I acknowledged my pitfalls and lack of experience and looked towards more experienced people for help and support. Many of you seem quite confident in your advice, and thank God for the child's sake that I don't 'just leave' my partner as you suggest! That certainly would not benefit the child who is very attached to me and can't wait for me to move in with them. Some of you may think that you are advocating for the child here, but following your flawed suggestions would do a lot more harm than good!
I feel I have found some more helpful advice elsewhere on the internet. Mumsnet, with a few exceptions, has overall been very disappointing in both the quality of the advice, and also in its delivery. I truly hope that the majority of you manage to find it within yourselves to show more kindness and tolerance towards your partners and children, than you have shown me. In fact I hope you treat everyone else you come across with more consideration have apportioned to me, for this is a poor example of an attitude, and it is not beneficial to pass that on to our younger generation. I will ensure my step daughter has a better example of how to relate to people.