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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Colleague keeps blaming me for what she's eaten!

92 replies

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 30/06/2018 11:20

Aibu to find this annoying? And it's making really self conscious about my size and shape.
She'll buy stuff for the office (only 4 of us in there) and eat it then turn to me and say "wow have you eaten all that oh my god". The other day I was eating a banana and she said "are you eating again?!" It was 13:00 and I hadn't eaten all day. I think she just has a strange relationship with food as she will say she can't eat xy and z but then eat it anyway. I've just had enough of it now it's getting me down. I feel anxious every time I go to eat.

For the record I'm 5ft 5 and size 10. I used to be 3st heavier so I'm still so conscious about my size as I could still stand to lose a stone or so.

OP posts:

DownUdderer · 30/06/2018 11:26

Tell her to bog off!

FlibbertyGiblets · 30/06/2018 11:29

Refuse any food she brings in. You have a new policy of observing your breaks so you'll not be eating at your desk anymore. Or something.

0hCrepe · 30/06/2018 11:29

When people comment on your eating it immediately makes you self conscious and defensive, so your immediate reaction is to justify or correct what they’ve just said. Instead, deflect your response away eg oh I love bananas don’t you? Or I know I could eat a horse! It means you step away from being the victim.
Also she does sound like she has issues and maybe is trying to encourage your eating.

FeedMeTikka · 30/06/2018 11:29

Your colleague is rude! I’d literally reply along the lines of ‘chance would be a fine thing, don’t think you gave anyone else a look in’.
Same with the comment about eating again when it was first thing you had, give the death stare and ‘it’s the first thing I’ve eaten today...’

henpeckedinchief · 30/06/2018 11:30

She is being really rude! It sounds like she has lots of insecurities and is projecting on you. Try pushing back - every time she comments just say 'what a strange thing to say' and then change the subject

SneakyGremlins · 30/06/2018 11:30

Is she on glue?

Petrolismygas · 30/06/2018 11:38

Is she scrawny?
Although insists she eats normally (she doesn't) and over exercises?
Whilst being critical of all food?

Just wondered if you work with my sister.

Ohmydayslove · 30/06/2018 11:43

Say to her ‘you know you have issues around food don’t you, maybe you should seek professional help love’

Poptart4 · 30/06/2018 11:46

Straight up tell her to fuck off!

She sounds like a bully and she knows exactly what shes doing. Dont let her get away with it

FlybirdFly · 30/06/2018 11:49

Food issues and offices are a nightmare

We have at least 2/3 people on a diet at any given time so people constantly commenting on what others are eating, banning cakes etc from the staff room. It’s so boring to listen to.

thenightsky · 30/06/2018 11:49

I worked with one of these once. In the end and I snapped and said 'for God's sake what are you, the bloody food police?'

Hygge · 30/06/2018 11:55

Don't eat anything she brings into the office.

Not one thing. Don't accept a cake or eat a biscuit if she's brought it in, not even if it's for her birthday or someone else's.

Take your own food and eat that instead. If she offers you a biscuit say "no thanks, I've got my own" or "no thanks, I'm having this instead" and eat your banana or whatever.

It will annoy her and it will make a point.

And when she comments on what you are eating, or when you are eating, do as the others have suggested. "This is the first thing I've eaten today so I'm not sure what you're talking about" or "I've noticed you're always commenting on my food, could you stop, I'm finding it quite rude of you."

Cheerbear23 · 30/06/2018 11:58

Say ‘why are you so bothered about what I’m eating, don’t you have anything more important to occupy your thoughts?’

Alanamackree · 30/06/2018 12:03

I worked with someone like this and it’s wearing. She would constantly analyze what I ate “don’t you know how much fat is in that banana ?” And then loudly treat herself to breakfast rolls with “oh I really shouldn’t but just this once” every bloody day. She had me convinced I had an eating disorder because I’m slim but was eating stuff like cheese sandwiches with “fatty cheese” and “oh my god carbs!!!” If I went to the loo after lunch she’d be all concerned because I must be bullimic.
It was my first ‘real’ job and I was young, daft and far too polite for my own good. I honestly don’t know whether she was just nuts or if it was some kind of weird bullying thing?
It was only when I left that job, and after I’d moved in with DH that I finally realized that I was, and always had been, a normal weight and that I eat a normal, healthy balanced diet.
I was going to say that now I’m older and tougher I’d laugh in her face, but in all honesty I probably wouldn’t because it would be obvious that she had issues of some kind, whereas back then I let it get to me. I had my own issues too that made me a bit sensitive as I’d been bullied about my weight in school and grew up in a time where people were still keen to fatten children up.

I think henpecked’s advice is great. It’s firm, shows proper boundaries and it stops you getting sucked in to “the crazy”.

MsJinglyJones · 30/06/2018 12:09

Just be straight up and factual.

"OMG are you eating again"
"Yup, it keeps me alive you see."

"Have you eaten all that"
"Yup it was my lunch"

Obviously she is projecting and making out that other people have eating problems so that she feels better about her own. Don't engage, but do act like eating is normal and necessary, which it is.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 30/06/2018 12:28

YANBU how rude. I'd turn it back on her and point out how obsessed she is with your eating habits every time she makes a comment.

"Wow eating already?"
"Ahhhh I see the food police has come on duty"

"god you ate all of that chocolate?"
"Wow the food police is on high alert today"

Repeat Repeat Repeat.

Fluffycloudland77 · 30/06/2018 12:31

Dh is slim & works with a girl who has been offered a gastric band, he has a chicken/ham/cheese/tuna salad for lunch & if it’s a cheese day she’ll pull a face & go “ooh, cheese?”.

Then she nips to kfc for her lunch.

It’s baffling but I do think they are projecting their own issues but it’s very hard to deal with day in day out.

mostdays · 30/06/2018 12:31

I hate food police. Funnily enough the biggest policer of food in my office (a woman who cannot see anyone eat anything without passing comment on the calorie/ fat/ sugar content or giving her opinion as to whether it is "good" or "bad" food) is also someone who constantly wants to fill the office with cakes, chocolate etc and for everyone else to eat it. Decline to eat a food she has brought in and you have mortally offended her, accept the offer and she will then treat you to a monologue on how much exercise you will need to do to work off the calories you just ate. It is very, very weird indeed.

isseywithcats · 30/06/2018 12:31

Im a natural skinny and when people say to me are you eating again i just say your only jealous because i can eat like a horse and look like a whippet, just ignore her she is the one with food issues not you, 5ft 5 and size 10 you dont need to lose any more weight well done for the weight loss you have acheived already

Maelstrop · 30/06/2018 12:34

’chance would be a fine thing, don’t think you gave anyone else a look in’.

Beautiful, yes to this!

*’you know you have issues around food don’t you, maybe you should seek professional help love’

And this if you’re feeling really pissed off.

These comments would annoy me no end. When I was losing a lot of weight, a very overweight colleague forever commented on my healthy, balanced lunches. One day I just pulled up my top to show my flat belly and said nothing. Vicious, I know, but I was so bloody fed up of her constant comments.

Pebblespony · 30/06/2018 12:35

These people are super annoying. There's one in my office. YANBU.

sockunicorn · 30/06/2018 12:36

@WaterOffaDucksCrack have you tried calling her out on her bullshit? politely though. if its 1pm and youre eating a banana and she comments, say "i havnt eaten yet today, what are you talking about "again"?" She will hopefully get embarassed about her constant drivel if you pull her up on it and call it out.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/06/2018 12:38

I've got issues with food and overweight, but I've never felt the need to comment on what other people are eating. At work, there is always cakes, biscuits and the like, you either have some or dont, no one gives a shit if you do or not.

Some people just like to judge, its like air for them.

Original poster

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 30/06/2018 12:39

Petrolismygas no she's around a size 18 I'd say. Most things she brings I can't even eat as I have coeliac disease! I'm actually her boss! I just find it difficult to challenge as it's never in front of people and I'm around 30 years younger so feel funny saying something!

OP posts:

Topseyt · 30/06/2018 12:42

I'm with the "tell her to bog off" camp.

She is being super rude and it really is none of her business.

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