Goodbye Mumsnet and Thank You

[LiteraryDevil1]

I just wanted to say thank you to all the posters who have helped me enormously over the past few months. I have written quite a few posts (under various names and with the odd non-pertinent detail changed to protect my identity) and have found the advice invaluable.

Mumsnet has helped me to recognise and end an abusive relationship where I thought I was being unreasonable and a bit precious. I was helped to realise he was sexually, emotionally and financially abusing me in fairly subtle ways that I had excused and normalised as he was so great in other ways. By joining the NC thread I was able to learn a great deal from others in a similar position and give support to them too.

I've also recognised just how abusive my marriage was and remembered various things I'd buried from that time and been able to deal with them with help from posters.

I've been able to seek advice regarding my children and how being in a step family with their dad affects them.

I've had legal advice regarding my divorce.

I've had family advice, food advice, health advice and a damn good laugh at the sex in the hedge thread

However today I have posted about something that has happened with my children and been accused of lying about being abused by my stbexh. The things said were pretty vile, not just for me, but for anyone who has experienced abuse. Thankfully the comments have been deleted. That was not the first time I'd been accused of lying or being a troll. Sometimes people have to change names and a couple of potentially identifying details in order to protect themselves. We are not trolls. I appreciate there are trolls out there but I am not one of them.

I don't have anyone to talk to in real life about the issues I've posted about on here so I am very grateful to all those who took the time to comment and offer advice, experience and a hand hold. Thank you to each and every one of you. You have helped me so much to deal with so much that has been going on in my life recently, or has gone on in the past, much better than any therapy.

The accusations of lying tonight by two posters have shown me a very nasty side to mumsnet and have left me feeling very upset so I have decided to leave mumsnet, but just wanted to say thank you before I de-registered. Some of you are so bloody lovely you made me cry! For all the right reasons

Are there some good posters who have given up I wonder

I report spiteful or troll hunting posts every time. Mumsnet are generally fantastic at moderating.

I do think posters who constantly make spiteful or troll hunting posts should be banned though. Maybe for a while and if they reoffend, permanently.

I am going to make an effort to report. However unlike the mods am not here all the time so we all need to work on this

I posted (under a name change) about an issue that was causing me tremendous heartache and was life changing. Whilst I had some invaluable support, I also had a few regular posters say some shocking and vile things. It's almost like a badge of honour to 'be upfront' and 'say things how I see them'.

I wonder if they every step back and realise what hurtful arses they're sometimes being whilst others clap along and applaud them for their humour/detective skills/forthrightness?

The more publicity MN gets about transgender etc and the more space the DM gives to MN in their newspapers the more trolls / subscribers we are going to get. This isn’t a little village community it is a huge business.

I was ripped apart on here a long time ago. I had been raped and posted for support.

Due to some posters doubting me, I provided details of the rape.

I was then accused of being a male troll getting my kicks from posting graphic details.

Apparently my rape sounded too much like a male fantasy to be believable. There was a reason for that.....my rapist raped me in line with his fantasies.

Being doubted on here, when I was already doubting myself, actually traumatised me more than the rape itself.

Yes trolls cause damage here, but I doubt that many posters are left feeling suicidal as a result of being taken in by them. Being called a troll when you are genuine.....not so much.

This place has driven me away from ever asking for help for myself because it's too painful but I'm still all over the place contributing to other threads and lurking on others which I identify with and gain help that way.

*not so much. Should say "that will do it"

I have posted about my situation and been ripped apart for not leaving my job and taking my children from the town they have grown up in which is also where their father lives, and moving across the country. My DH has been ripped apart too for marrying me and making a new life for himself while continuing to see and support his children from his first marriage but not leaving his job. Some great support here sometimes but also some absolute crackpots.

Sarcasm the lowest form is superfluous and unpleasant on some threads

Mumsnet isn't a place. You dont need to actively leave. It's a website. You can just not use it when you don't want to.

Sorry you've experienced some of the twats tho. Just ignore them. They're not people in your life. They're users of a website. The beauty of the internet is taking what you need to and not taking what you dont.

"Should we start a collection for a leaving present?"

Only for those who flounce correctly in the topic

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/flouncers_corner

OP isn't this your second flounce in about a month?
I remember an AIBU thread of yours where the general consensus was that you WBU and you started insulting posters, then complained about them a fair amount elsewhere on the site. That is also not very nice is it?
It's true you need a fairly thick skin on MN but I think on the whole it is a fab place. I do wish you happiness in future.

What velour said times two

Happy to dish it out....

Have to say I was unrestrainedly 'ripped apart' once (as a teen posting, I might add, so hardly very tough or confident) and tbh it was quite useful and I learned something. Take what's useful and let the rest roll off.

Someone made a good point when whole threads are in the media, then there will be an influx of undesirables. Just typing the site into google and clicking on news you can see how far and wide the net is cast. www.google.co.uk/search?q=mumsnet&source=lnms&tbm=nws&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiYsMe7qPvbAhWKDMAKHT5iBPcQ_AUICigB&biw=1366&bih=635

There are some right nasty bastards on MN at the moment. Some are trolls, some are goady fuckers and some are just assholes. I do think that we should all make a conscious effort not to respond to any of their posts because what they all have in common is their pathetic desire for attention. If they’re ignored they’ll just take their vitriol to another forum.

You should name change and stay OP. First because youve clearly been through an awful experience but you might be able to help others in the future. Second because if all the nice normal people leave it’ll just turn into Twatnet!

Pathetic desire for attention? As in posting to say you are leaving, maybe?

Anyone who disagrees with you=arsehole?

Surely more resilience than that, to i don't I know, be able to see another perspective? Tolerate views you don't agree with?

Football mum please hit the report buttons when you spot it. Let's draw a line in the sand and say no more.

Tetley. im so sorry for your traumatic ordeal and even more sorry in a way that you had cunts accusing you of making it up. I can not and more to the point would not want to imagine what that must have been like.. WBU.
I hope you have now found peace and happiness.

@Alanamackree that is an excellent rule!

Jesus don’t leave cos of 2 idiots

Who the fuck care some some sad biatch says ? Stay and keep getting supported

What is IT?

Internet trolling. It's how I refer to people who have no life seem to spend all their time online making inflammatory, derogatory, hurtful remarks that are intended to belittle, insult, or otherwise hurt the OP in any way intentionally. Examples include: name calling, throwing out terms such as "controlling", "abusive" willy nilly, teasing, interrogating, mis-quoting, making gross assumption, and lying.

We have ALOT of posters in AIBU who are in IT for a living.

Tetley [thank]