Goodbye Mumsnet and Thank You

[LiteraryDevil1]

I just wanted to say thank you to all the posters who have helped me enormously over the past few months. I have written quite a few posts (under various names and with the odd non-pertinent detail changed to protect my identity) and have found the advice invaluable.

Mumsnet has helped me to recognise and end an abusive relationship where I thought I was being unreasonable and a bit precious. I was helped to realise he was sexually, emotionally and financially abusing me in fairly subtle ways that I had excused and normalised as he was so great in other ways. By joining the NC thread I was able to learn a great deal from others in a similar position and give support to them too.

I've also recognised just how abusive my marriage was and remembered various things I'd buried from that time and been able to deal with them with help from posters.

I've been able to seek advice regarding my children and how being in a step family with their dad affects them.

I've had legal advice regarding my divorce.

I've had family advice, food advice, health advice and a damn good laugh at the sex in the hedge thread

However today I have posted about something that has happened with my children and been accused of lying about being abused by my stbexh. The things said were pretty vile, not just for me, but for anyone who has experienced abuse. Thankfully the comments have been deleted. That was not the first time I'd been accused of lying or being a troll. Sometimes people have to change names and a couple of potentially identifying details in order to protect themselves. We are not trolls. I appreciate there are trolls out there but I am not one of them.

I don't have anyone to talk to in real life about the issues I've posted about on here so I am very grateful to all those who took the time to comment and offer advice, experience and a hand hold. Thank you to each and every one of you. You have helped me so much to deal with so much that has been going on in my life recently, or has gone on in the past, much better than any therapy.

The accusations of lying tonight by two posters have shown me a very nasty side to mumsnet and have left me feeling very upset so I have decided to leave mumsnet, but just wanted to say thank you before I de-registered. Some of you are so bloody lovely you made me cry! For all the right reasons

I hope you stay OP. I have learned to ignore the bullying and troll posts. There are many genuinely helpful awesome people here.

@LiteraryDevil1

What about the sex in the hedge?

Did we ever find out the identity of "THE VILLIGERS"?

"Bunfight" was genius, it's a must read, have you?

What about your washing? You would never know the dangers of getting darked on when you leave it out at night if you weren't here!

Plus, others need you. Look at all your insight and experience. Pass it on, keep sharing.

People who write cruel things are only a reflection of themselves and their own problems. We've all been there and we've all been upset because yes, the attacks are very upsetting and I agree @MNHQ , too many cruel for the sake of being cruel posts are allowed and the effect on posters who are attacked is severe and very distressing.

It's happened to us all. I find it upsetting too, when it has happened to me and when it happens to other posters!

See the good, if it gets crazy, walk away. Come join the fun on sex in a hedge, send anonymous fasinate notes to the visinity, put out your laundry to get darked on, chase spider willies, put your cleaner in the bin and list five million random bizarre names when someone asks complete strangers what they should not call their child:)

Best of luck OP and hope everything works out for you

Shumpalumpa folk have been mean to the OP on this thread and if you cannot see that then it says a LOT about you - and not in a good way. (hope that wasn't too passive aggressive for you}

Flouncer's Corner

What is this?

I'm sorry this happened to you, OP, I think it is the luck of the draw, some nights nearly all the posters are nasty. But as someone else said, it would be good if you stayed because there will be other people who need help and the more people who are kind and thoughtful offering that help, the better.

Those in IT are going to stay in IT until they no longer get the attention they crave. It's really sad actually.

What is IT?

You have to wonder if some posters at night have enjoyed a little too much of something mind altering when they start posting. That's not an excuse by the way

I have been on here years under different names. There have always been some incredibly nasty spiteful and unpleasant posters on here. Many of them think they're being funny and witty when actually they're just thick and crass. Don't let them take over.

There's a very small cohort of people on mn recently who get in on posts early and seek to belittle and demean the poster and I think hope to influence the tone of a thread.

Typically they ignore nuances/context and imply the poster is lying or over reacting. I also find they are v hung up on grammar & punctuation while having piss poor comprehension skills.

I might be a total conspiracy theorist but it reminds me of the way my ex used to argue with me and he was a knob, so I sometimes think it's a group of men who've infiltrated mn because they enjoy belittling our experiences (yes I am paranoid!). Either way please don't let a handful of idiots spoil an otherwise supportive site please op.

There are far more arseholes on here over the last 18 months than have been over the many years I've been posting on here. There are some thinly veiled PA comments on this thread too. Some people really can't just think something without thinking that everyone else needs to hear/read it. The OP had clearly been through some pretty tough shit and is feeling vulnerable at, again, some dickhead comments, yet some posters still have to, slightly subtly, twist the knife. Like I said - arseholes.

whatshallidonowpeople do you take pleasure from being a twat? I read threads on here and see a shitty post and quite a lot of the time it's from you. Can I why you feel the need? Is it to make the OP feel bad, make you feel better? Maybe you should be the one to leave, it would be a nicer place without people like you

OutComeTheWolves

It is only going to get worse.

I agree with you outcomethewolves. I think it is MRAs. They cannot abide seeing women supporting other women. If the op has left an abusive marriage, due to advice and support she’s had on here, then they’ll be doubly peeved.

I think this is a shame. I've said this time and time again the people posting bullshit made up stories have ruined it for others that truly need advice and it's hard to know what's real now so people react. Does not excuse the amount of vile replies from people though. I've noticed certain people just go on to be horrible because they have nothing better to do with their time and forget there's a real person the other side. On the threads that are clearly made up if you dare say anything you get lynched, but on genuine ones people are happy to be nasty.

It will get worse if the silent uncomplaining majority continue to passively allow it. Would you take it from a neighbour or colleague family or friends. It goes against the grain but by not reporting it you are condoning it. A forum I am on after enduring some nasty folk for the longest time booted half a dozen out their acolytes started complaining so were told bluntly if they didn't desist they too would be out the door. Some returned under different names are spotted and removed again. The forum was quieter for a while but is now racing along and some valued posters have returned. SO START REPORTING! !

Once the wolves arrive I leave because there are a good few bullies on here who love a good kicking.

Just hide the thread.

Lady Russell report them explain why. It's anonymous if the mods think it fair the poster is contacted. Posts can be removed. There are areas I do not go into which others do and can do this. How many good OP'S are not started because of bullying. Newspapers moderate comments. What appears on here is much stronger

Literary I think I know who you are in RL. Don't leave. Don't let the minority chase you out xx

OP, you are right, the number of nasty people who take advantage of anonymity on MN is too high, and rising.

But as a regular user, you should know that AIBU is not the place for a q about your worries about a potential abuse situation.

AIBU has affected the whole tone of MN since it was introduced, as a semi joke, many years ago. It attracts people who like a ruck and to dole out s kicking and it encourages people to give confrontational one-dimensional responses. Because if the way ‘AIBU’ is framed as a question.

Of course lots of helpful people also partake in AIBU but it is s magnet for the bitter, judgemental and dim.

I am glad you have had such helpful support on MN, which should tell you that if you stay you will receive more if you need it.

If you post anything about or admit to being a step parent it’s just not worth it IMO.

I think I'm going to be hotter on reporting seriously cunty posts to mnhq. Hopefully those people if they do it enough will have a nice ban in the post.

There has been an increase in spiteful posters but there are also a fair few long time, regular posters who have a very narrow world view and seem to delight in 'catching someone out' or telling them how it is.

I wish there was a block function.

It is so, so important to report.
If everyone reported promptly this issue hopefully wouldn't get out of hand.