Goodbye Mumsnet and Thank You

[LiteraryDevil1]

I just wanted to say thank you to all the posters who have helped me enormously over the past few months. I have written quite a few posts (under various names and with the odd non-pertinent detail changed to protect my identity) and have found the advice invaluable.

Mumsnet has helped me to recognise and end an abusive relationship where I thought I was being unreasonable and a bit precious. I was helped to realise he was sexually, emotionally and financially abusing me in fairly subtle ways that I had excused and normalised as he was so great in other ways. By joining the NC thread I was able to learn a great deal from others in a similar position and give support to them too.

I've also recognised just how abusive my marriage was and remembered various things I'd buried from that time and been able to deal with them with help from posters.

I've been able to seek advice regarding my children and how being in a step family with their dad affects them.

I've had legal advice regarding my divorce.

I've had family advice, food advice, health advice and a damn good laugh at the sex in the hedge thread

However today I have posted about something that has happened with my children and been accused of lying about being abused by my stbexh. The things said were pretty vile, not just for me, but for anyone who has experienced abuse. Thankfully the comments have been deleted. That was not the first time I'd been accused of lying or being a troll. Sometimes people have to change names and a couple of potentially identifying details in order to protect themselves. We are not trolls. I appreciate there are trolls out there but I am not one of them.

I don't have anyone to talk to in real life about the issues I've posted about on here so I am very grateful to all those who took the time to comment and offer advice, experience and a hand hold. Thank you to each and every one of you. You have helped me so much to deal with so much that has been going on in my life recently, or has gone on in the past, much better than any therapy.

The accusations of lying tonight by two posters have shown me a very nasty side to mumsnet and have left me feeling very upset so I have decided to leave mumsnet, but just wanted to say thank you before I de-registered. Some of you are so bloody lovely you made me cry! For all the right reasons

Saying posters are flouncing, being dramatic, isn`t particularly constructive is it?

welshmist I completely agree. I can only assume the Posters making rude or unhelpful comments fall into the inadequate category in real life and just love to be mean to other folk - which says more about them then the OP

There is an undertow of nastiness on here. I’ve even been sent a nasty message about myself from someone meaning to send the message to a third party 😂 so they even gossip behind the scenes like children!

Post under different names if you need to OP. Hope you find another board if not.

The accusations of lying can be very hurtful. It happened to another poster recently. I reached out to her and have spoken with her.

She was directed to MN by a friend, but after being troll hunted and MNHQ deleted the thread.

Genuine posters are being scared away and booted off.

This place has been filled with bullies and trolls. Some of the stuff I've see posted recently has been really vile

Did I stumble into Flouncers' Corner?

No point leaving over a few dickheads op; they get bored and move on quicker than the more engaged and thoughtful posters who make up the majority of the MN community. Ignore them, they can't bear that.

CarpeVitam
I have never understood why people feel the need to make an announcement that they intend to leave rather than just exiting quietly

My own thought precisely. Just press the X in the top right hand of screen - job done.

SilverySurfer
CarpeVitsm

I have never understood why people feel the need to make an announcement that they intend to leave rather than just exiting quietly

Then you don’t understand some people

OP the pros surely outweigh the cons ?
I hope you stay for future hand holds, support and advice. It’s also a mine of information.
I often use it as a reference library via the search facility... it’s worth it just for that

I never used to understand why people announced they were going to leave rather than just leaving. However, I’ve thought about it and I think it’s a good thing like an exit interview almost.

People should announce why they’re leaving because maybe it will lead to improvements. That said it will always be the case that some people will be nasty on the net. Just because it’s a female focused site, doesn’t mean everyone will be huggy and supportive.

A fair percentage of women, like men, are cunts. I always roll my eyes when people say the world would be nicer if women ran it. MN and Game of Thrones show that if you give a certain type of woman a voice and a bit of power, they will take all of one second to turn into complete arseholes just like any man!

MN has a flouncers corner so YABU .

Avoid AIBU as it can be vicious, stick to the less popular bits and you'll be fine.

maybe they actually want to draw attention to the fact that there are real people behind the usernames, who are affected by the words of horrible posters?

the OP has clearly stated why she feels she wants to leave, so she isnt just “flouncing”. what i take from the OP is that she wants posters to be more aware of how they speak to people and that words can have a real effect on your life.

just because you wouldnt choose to make a post about it, doesnt mean others cant. no one made you open the thread or reply. if you have nothing positive to add then leave without posting. the world is full of negativity, you dont need to add to it.

This isn’t flouncing! This is leaving nicely with a message because the op felt abused.

Flouncing is posting “Fuck off!” and never being seen again.

Agree with unfinished kitchen. Sirlee66 hope you continue to get better. Life is quite a rollercoaster but I’ve learned tons here about things I wouldn’t dream of discussing in real life, like birth, MILs and toxic mothers, pregnancy and childbirth, fitness (who knew weight lifting was so fab?!) and menopause. Perhaps think about coming back when you’re ready.

It would be prudent to stay. If it took MN to figure out the relationship was abusive that sort of help may be useful again in future

busybarbara Yes but the OP is saying that that kind of help is no longer available or not worth the risk of the abuse.

Give over, OP, you'll be back with a name change.

Yes but the OP is saying that that kind of help is no longer available

This is actually insulting to the posters who give tireless support, especially in Relationships.

welshmist
I agree with you. Probably the sort of posts that OP is referring to.

The OP has written a well thought out post about something that has caused her sadness. A number of posters have come on making quips about whether she should be in Flouncer's Corner. Seriously? Can you not see the irony in that. What pleasure has it given you to make a snide remark to somebody doing no wrong?

there's a lot of arseholes who love to kick someone when they're down or pick apart their posts for no good reason.

very true.

And some of them still coming to this thread to stick the boot in.

Niceneeposters - they're not 'quips'. There is a Flouncer's Corner specifically for posts like OP's. Pointing this out is not snide. No one has been mean to OP.

I think you were mean Shumpaflumper dismissing and ridiculing her post with a “Give over, OP, you'll be back with a name change” as if she were lying.

I don't think I was dismissive or ridiculing OP.

A tongue in cheek 'give over' is not mean

However, this is your opinion and you are entitled to it.

I thought your passive aggressive implication that I'm an arsehole was mean, but hey ho.