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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What is it called and why do people do this?

95 replies

LadyRussell · 29/06/2018 19:05

It might not just be bosses - people in general.

I have had two bosses who when you have a conversation with them about anything personal (maybe when in the office alone on a Friday afternoon). You say something but they don’t actually respond to what you have said they just interject with a similar longer tale of their own and on then the conversation is totally focused on them. It’s like they are totally incapable of having a two way conversation- my boss atm is just awful for this and will laugh for too long at her not very funny in the first place jokes.

Is this some sort of personality disorder- seriously, like boy being able to properly interact with people?

OP posts:
Iamblossom · 29/06/2018 19:11

Self absorption

ButchyRestingFace · 29/06/2018 19:11

Me-railing?

He-railing?

She-railing?

Who was it who said "that's enough about me. Let's talk about you. What do you think about me?". Grin

Polymamas · 29/06/2018 19:13

My mum does this. I hate it.

ClaudiaWankleman · 29/06/2018 19:14

Elevenerife-ing? After all, if you’ve been to Tenerife...

UpstartCrow · 29/06/2018 19:15

Its sometimes an attempt by the socially inept to demonstrate that they understand what you are going through, and it goes wrong and becomes about them.

Original poster
LadyRussell · 29/06/2018 19:16

Who was it who said "that's enough about me. Let's talk about you. What do you think about me

Grin
OP posts:
vampirethriller · 29/06/2018 19:18

It's called being a dick.

Original poster
LadyRussell · 29/06/2018 19:21

I dunno with my boss she (she’s new) it’s like she’s really trying to fit in and be liked but it just comes across like she is is totally disinterested in anyone else.

OP posts:
fluffiphlox · 29/06/2018 19:23

Hi-jacking. They do it so they show they’re almost just like you but better.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 29/06/2018 19:23

I often wonder why they do this too. I mean I know we all love to talk to but you have to listen too.

They can't know they're doing it or if they do just don't give a shit.

creepingbuttercupdrivesmemad · 29/06/2018 19:23

Sadly I think it's really common nowadays.

KarinVogel · 29/06/2018 19:24

Ive found its people in general who do this and its tricky to avoid them. These people love a good talk all about themselves.

I noticed it in particular when I was out with a group of female friends. We sat together in an open area and lots of people were coming past. It was a friendly gathering and although most people smiled and passed on, there were a good few who stopped and asked " how are you girls liking - (the venue) " .
We would reply briefly and then they would launch a long speil all about their entire lives. I suppose they thought it was entertaining for us but it wore pretty thin I can tell you.
Id love to know of a way to stop them in their tracks.

Original poster
LadyRussell · 29/06/2018 19:27

Yes I would love a good response Grin

OP posts:
MyNewAlias · 29/06/2018 19:32

I had a supervisor years ago who did this all the time. She was so self-absorbed that it did not occur to her that there was a reason we nicknamed her Mimi(MeMe)

bringincrazyback · 29/06/2018 19:33

Big egos, poor social skills, and a lack of interest in other people. Simples.

FinallyHere · 29/06/2018 19:33

If there is someone around who shares your opinion, it can be fun to play a version of tennis.

A mentions 'something'
B jumps in with 'how she did 'something'' to grab the subject
C asks A a question about her experience of something

You score a point anytime A & C can converse without B jumping in. Totally transforms the experience...

Original poster
LadyRussell · 29/06/2018 19:34

😂😂

OP posts:
RideOn · 29/06/2018 19:35

I do this Blush

and then realized by me even saying this, I am turning the conversation to me.

When I do, it is usually because I feel awkward, (am socially awkward) I don't want to ask my staff to many questions (I sound like I am being nosey), I don't want to say the wrong thing (I only know them in work capacity and don't want to put my foot in it). Also I think I am trying to say I understand your situation as I have had similar situation. Maybe also my job is to listen for hours to other people's problems. So maybe when I get a chance to speak to someone I want to not have to listen again (it can be very draining).

So now I have just posted all about me again.

How do you get less socially awkward? Seriously

GahWhatever · 29/06/2018 19:36

It's a misguided attempt at empathy. As a manager I had to teach myself to stop it.

Original poster
LadyRussell · 29/06/2018 19:40

We are in a social work type job and I hear her doing it in the phone and cringe as I would not dream of giving away any info about my own life.

OP posts:
Inmyvestandpants · 29/06/2018 19:42

Yeah, this is me as well. My New Year's resolution for 2018 was to listen to other people more. So I try to remember to ask two questions about the other person for every time I tell them something about me, as a way of hopefully balancing the conversation out.

So, OP, tell me about your weekend plans Grin!

RVPisnomore · 29/06/2018 19:45

Happy hooker is what we call it.

trilbydoll · 29/06/2018 19:49

If you've got an elephant they've got a box (to put it in)

I think I might do it a bit because I'm paranoid about questioning someone too much and them feeling interviewed, and like they need to share more than they really wanted to. What is the lesser crime?!

Redinthefacegirl · 29/06/2018 19:58

In my friendship group someone who does this is called a "2 shits". They always have a bigger story, no matter how mundane the subject. So if you say you took a shit, they'll say they've had 2.

Juvenile I know, late 30s now but phrase coined nearly 20 yes ago. This made me feel weirdly old.

billybear · 29/06/2018 19:59

dads cleaner does it pick a subject ive been to dentist for a filling she had 3 fillings pleep ago .....,you had a letter about xxx she had it knows all about it pleep ......we always try and avoid sitting near her she is so boring and can talk the legs of a donkey as the saying goes,