Photo of nude baby

[Sailinghappy]

Genuinely interested to see if I'm being unreasonable here... what do you think?

So today my husband was playing with our baby daughter in the paddling pool having the loveliest time. She just splashes around in there nude in this heat and loves it! He took a funny photo of her playing with her duckie in the water and shared it on our family whatsapp group - with both aunties and uncles. I do think the photo is cute and I'm glad they had a lovely time playing but I'm fuming because my baby is nude in this photo and she has her legs wide open!! He way she's sitting isn't very dignified and I don't want everyone having photos of that!!!

Husband thinks it's just a funny photo shared with family - AIBU??

@Oftenhangry

Oh, I remember times when people took pictures like this of their children, than went to a shop, got them developed and then happily let these be passed around during family gatherings enjoying all the "Awwwww" s. No issue there at all. Family WhatsApp is just a modern version of it imho.

It's not even remotely the same.

@Theprincipal

I would be uncomfortable with the sharing of the digital photo. Once its out there, it's out there and there is no control of the sharing of the image.

This exactly. Sending people a digital photo (in 2018,) is in no way the same, as passing hard copies around for people to have a nose at in the 1980's (and before.)

It's very easy for a digital photo to be widely distributed. To potentially multiple 10's of 1000's of people, and 1000's of websites.

I can't believe some of the responses on this thread, and find it very disturbing and worrying that some people see no problem with it. VERY worrying.

But what bad things are likely to happen?

as a mum, I can't begin to tolerate the idea that my baby's image is used by a paedophile, it's horrible on so many levels! I am sharing photos with my own family, but I am not neutral on the use of stolen baby photos online, it's sick and I would never actively help someone to still my pics.

Yeah, it's really disingenuous to accuse those of us who see a problem and would not take or share photos like this, of sexualising children. You can fuck off with that.

And I'm laughing bitterly at the determined declarations that you 'just know' that nobody in a family Whatsapp group is capable of any sexualised behaviour towards a child. The sheer fucking stupidity is astounding. Most children are abused by someone who is known to them.

I don't see paedophiles around every corner, but wake up. Sexual abuse of minors is a distinct problem in our society that hasn't gone anywhere, just look at the stats of how many girls have been molested before they reach adulthood. Then there are more men (and some women, but a large proportion are men) with paedophilic urges who will 'only' look at photos online.

Can you really vouch for every single person who has access to all the phones belonging to members of the Whatsapp group? Somehow, I doubt it very much.

Oh and maintaining a child's dignity in a photo isn't about having them pose all po-faced and sombre. That's utter bullshit. Take all the fun, silly, daft photos you want, laughing and horsing around or whatever - having fun does not compromise a child's dignity. Just don't take photos of their genitals. Quite simple really.

Yabu!!

If he's just sharing it with family in a private group chat, then it's fine.

It's when it's on profiles such as Facebook then not okay.

Most children are abused by someone who is known to them.

it doesn't mean that each family has a paedophile! If you believe that, how can you ever have a man in your life andin contact with your children? Because it's the same I am afraid, I know I can trust my husband, my dad, my grand-dad, my brother. I feel sorry for you if you can't trust your own husband, but it's ludicrous to pretend that all men are abusers and a risk. My private groups are fine, thanks.
Don't come to tell me you trust your own husband but I can't trust mine.

Not all children are abused, and not all women have been abused either.

I keep sharing photos of my family with my close one, and it has nothing to do with your or is any of your business.

@JennieLee

If the potential abuser was for example an Uncle in the Whatsapp group then yes, this image could get his attention onto the child. It could be a precursor to abuse. And if you think this is impossible and ridiculous and of course we can all trust are families... It's almost always someone they know. And of course the parents never suspected, else of course the abuser wouldn't have had access to the child. Imagine discovering years later that not only had your child been abused but you had personally sent indecent images to the abuser? I think I would throw myself off a bridge.

As for they could just end up online, I'm frankly very concerned you are taking a 'what they don't know can't hurt them' approach with this... As parents we have a duty to protect our children. It's surely as simple as that?

How would you feel if an image of you was taken without your consent, maybe sunbathing topless, and posted on a porn sight? Violated I am sure.

*our

@enjoyingsummer18 brilliant post! Hit the nail on the head there.

So you think perverted uncle needs a photograph to stoke his interest? He had no idea dneiece had a vagina? Right. Don’t be so ridiculous.

I never said each family has a paedophile. Nor did I say all men are a risk You have spectacularly missed every point of my post.

I repeat - can you vouch for everyone who might casually pick up a phone belonging to the members of your family Whatsapp group and see the image of a kid's genitals?

I’m on the fence. I take photos of my children which show their genitals (very occasionally- not as a general rule!) but would never send them to anyone, except possibly DH. It’s the sharing I’d be uncomfortable with, but I think that’s just because I’m quite a private person and wouldn’t like the idea of loads of family having seen photos of me naked as a baby, and always think of these things in terms of what the DC may feel like themselves in the future.

Otoh I can’t get particularly worked up about the idea that someone, somewhere might get aroused by an image of my naked children. It’s grim, obviously, but isn’t actually causing any harm to them so it’s not something I worry about. The privacy issue is a bigger deal for me.

So you think perverted uncle needs a photograph to stoke his interest? He had no idea dneiece had a vagina? Right. Don’t be so ridiculous.

Nope. But the perverted uncle (or the entirely innocent uncle's perverted friend or coworker, who sees the pic in passing when the innocent uncle is showing him another fun pic of the family dog, and quickly snaps a photo of the baby on his own phone when he has an opportunity) might certainly be delighted at having an image literally handed to him to beat off to.

No but could encourage him! And it doesn't make it OK that he had a picture because he was going to abuse a child anyway . Also would be an indication to him that the parents trust him.

*If he's just sharing it with family in a private group chat, then it's fine.

It's when it's on profiles such as Facebook then not okay.*

This shows a bizarre lack of understanding of the dangers of sharing digital images. If you think it's ok to share the image with people you feel close to then it's completely possible for each member if that group to share with other people that they believe to be trustworthy and on it goes. How could you object? You were happy to share and consequently the image ceased to be in your control

@ikeepaforkinmypurse one of the reasons it is so dangerous to blindly trust people is because if a parent suspects that their child is being abused then straight away their thoughts will go to who could be the perpetrator. So if they refuse to believe it of one of their family then they will rule those people out and, especially if it is not possible for the child to have been abused by anyone outside the family, they are likely to dismiss and ignore their concerns. This will lead to the abuse continuing if it is indeed happening.
If I suspected that one of my dc was being abused then the first person that I would doubt and consider would be my DH. This is a man that I love so so much and I definitely do trust him but I would just be plain stupid to say "well I don't believe he would do that so he definitely isnt".
I'm not disturbed and there is nothing wrong with me. I'm just realistic. I probably wouldn't straight out accuse him, I'd take dc to the gp and phone social care for advice. I would do this because it is my duty!!!! My job to protect my children! And they come before my trust or belief in anyone else.
How many women do you think have said "but I trusted him, I never imagined he could be capable of this"?

In reply to Honeybadger. I was physically abused for years by a family member. No photographs were involved.

I have also volunteered for a phoneline supporting survivors of abuse and my partner works in the field of child protection.

Although of an older generation I am very aware of the dangers faced by older children using the internet, who may be groomed, be subjected to sexting etc

My main feeling is that the major risks to children's well-being come from a variety of sources. I'll list a few

• air pollution
• road traffic
• a rigid education system in which too much is asked too early
• long working hours and low wages
• poor housing

- dysfunctional families in which parents are dependent on legal and illegal drugs

• parents whose learning difficulties means they neglect their children
• cuts to mental health service
• poverty

In view of all that, I think that although I personally wouldn't share any photo of my family widely, I personally am not going to melt down about the theoretical possibility that a paddling pool photo shared among family members might attract the attention of a wanker.

There really are so many other dangers out there, which aren't theoretical. They are affecting the future of all our children and they are very very real.

No nude pics here if I take one I cover with cloth etc

@littlemissdynamite @NotTakenUsername if you still want pics gimme a shout. Don't send the police to my house tho for distributing indecent images of children(not child porn).

I have a photo album that starts with pics from my baptism..naked. It's been seen by many family members more than once(i think some might have copies), I showed friends when growing up and i brought it over with me all the way across Europe. Showed OH,DD and friend over here too.

Well...I showed them the whole album not specifically asked anyone to look at naked baby pics of me.

Nopointinnamechanging2018
I completely get your point, and I do hope I would never dismiss any worry or any clues my kids would give if the worst was happening. I have been trying to brainwash them from tiny that they should always feel safe to tell me.

My point is more that if I trust all family members to have the kids staying over for weekends and holidays- and they all have - I can trust them about photos! If i had any inkling there was anything dodgy, I think the photos would be the least of my worry.

My DF works for social services and has drilled it into me not to take this kind of picture.

I honestly think it's really sad. Not being able to take entirely innocent pictures even just for yourself :(. To me that would feel feels like letting the abusers win.

It's such a simple thing, to not share pictures of your naked children online, I don't understand why anyone has a problem with it.

One day when they're young teens you'll be praying they don't post naked pics, just start the process early on their behalf, why wouldn't you?

Yes, digital photo can be easily distributed, but he sent it to a family group, not a group of strangers. As long as family knows not to share with non family it's imo fine. But obviously it's up to a person to decide whether they are fine with the family having it, or not. A simple discussion with DH and some compromise is the best way forward in this situation

I think the photos would be the least of my worry.

Well quite, all members of my family WhatsApp group have had my actual physical child on their own at some point. So should they secretly be pervs wanting indecent photos of my child to share on the internet they could have (naturally I trust them not to have). They wouldn't need me to share a paddling pool pic.