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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by child grabbing my baby

124 replies

Fluffsy · 28/06/2018 17:39

I am a first time mum and have a 3 month old daughter . She was sitting on my lap in the doctors surgery when a young girl about 2, approached her then skipped away. She then came back and grabbed my daughter's arm and leg.

I froze. The girl then skipped away. Her mother was watching and didnt say or do anything. I got up and moved to the other side of the waiting room.

My daughter was completely fine but I was worried as my daughter is so young and this other child was in the surgery that germs/infection risk. My DH thinks as our daughter is only 13 weeks I should have batted the child's hands away and as a result I am questioning myself. I thought had I done this I could be accused of assaulting the child.

Is this really minor and I am being an overzealous first time mum?
I am also thinking what if the girl had actually hit my baby and what would or should I have done?? What have other m&s done?

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 28/06/2018 18:31

what you felt was normal, completely over the top pfb normal, but normal. The problem is by the time you have a 2 year old you realise its completely over the top and forget and as LONG as it is gentle you tend to not sweat it.

Now if they had hit etc completely different story

ApolloniaC · 28/06/2018 18:33

Bat her away?! Did he really say that?!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/06/2018 18:39

Your DH said you should have batted her hand away. Is he right in the swede.
She's a 2 year old baby ffs.
Your DD will soon be that age and fascinated by babies. Would you both like someone to bat her hand away. Like your child is your world. That child is her parents world.
You seriously need to relax.

mozzybites · 28/06/2018 18:41

OP you aren't failing, just bumbling along like most other parents. It's the ones that are sure they have all the answers you want to keep an eye on.
Try and talk to other parents, they will tell you they are doing the same.

FairySpringer · 28/06/2018 18:44

Please read this again when you have your own two year old monster! Perhaps you'll even have a second baby getting grabbed constantly by your toddler!

AmazingPostVoices · 28/06/2018 18:47

When your child is a baby you think 2 yos are huge.

When your child is 2 yo you’ll think they are tiny and that all those 5 yos are so rough and boisterous. You’ll wish that people with babies would stop them getting in the way of your toddler at Playgroup.

When they start school you’ll think they are tiny and that they’ll never survive with all those big kids. Meanwhile you’ll be irritated by the toddlers holding up the slide in the park.

And so on...

It’s all good, you’ll get used to it!

Harrykanesrightsock · 28/06/2018 18:48

People with toddlers often go on to have second babies. I took mine to toddler groups from a few months old where she was treat like a living doll by the older children. Just supervise.

And they will catch the lurgy from being around others but that is what they need to do to grow their immunity.

Wetwashing00 · 28/06/2018 18:50

I had previous first born syndrome!
No-one was allowed to touch my baby before washing hands and using sanitiser!
My DD’s father wanted to write to the council about the bumpy pavements! He was worried it would give her brain damage 😱

OkMaybeNot · 28/06/2018 18:50

Goodness me, yabu.

2 year olds are practically babies themselves. You'll realise that when your pfb is 2...

hellosummer12 · 28/06/2018 18:50

OMG, OP. If this wasn't your first baby, she could have an older sibling who would have been slobbering over her and touching her ever since birth. People have an immune system for a reason, don't we?

This is one of the oddest and most bonkers threads on here.

SemperIdem · 28/06/2018 18:52

I remember being like Shock at the giant toddlers when my daughter was a baby.

It passes...and then the focus is on the giant 5 year olds Grin

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/06/2018 18:52

If someone batted my 2 year olds hand away. Regardless of what she'd done. I'd be calling it assault.

ArmySal · 28/06/2018 18:52

Cheese and rice!

I'd have gone off like a rocket if someone 'batted' my two year old away.

Try unclenching OP.

Nandocushion · 28/06/2018 18:55

Are all the perfect posters who are bollocking the OP absolutely positive that they never ever did or thought anything PFB with their first baby? JFC. Back off.

FunkyHeroCat · 28/06/2018 18:59

Er - actually, no, I did know what kids are like even before I had one of my own!

OP - wait until it's your child touching another (or quite likely pulling their hair or doing something else unspeakable) and think what that Mum will be thinking of them.

And as for germs, your baby is already covered in them (and it's quite OK)

NerrSnerr · 28/06/2018 18:59

Bloody hell, in 2 years time you'll think it's cute that your toddler went to say hello to a baby. You should have just spoken to her and said something like 'gentle, she's only little'.

A 2 year old is still so young and they just see a cute baby, of course if she was being rough that's different but there's nothing wrong with touching.

BadMoodBetty · 28/06/2018 18:59

You're doing fine, OP as long as you don't hit other people's children

Its overwhelming and scary, your tiny baby seems delicate and porcelain, they will grow. They will soon be the toddler. New stages, new challenges.

Your DH over reacted massively, assuming he wouldn't actually "bat a child away" and it was hot air hopefully. Remember as protective of his child as he feels, the other child's parents are likely to be equally protective, he'd probably get punched in the face where I live.

TwoSweetenersImBitterEnough · 28/06/2018 19:01

If you didn't want people touching your pfb then put it in a pram instead of on show to other people who (understandably) want to look/touch. You can get pram nets, car seat covers and pram badges for preemie/newborn babies to warn other people not to touch them.

Your child is going to get ill, so you need to get over that.

2 year old was probably trying to make your baby play but skipped off when they realised babies are bloody boring. 2yo's mum didn't intervene because there was nothing to be done as it was a complete non issue.

You're over reacting way too much, and your DH sounds horrible for expecting you to physically harm another persons child for absolutely no reason at all. How is he going to react when your child is a toddler and hits, throws, screams and dives into things? If he thinks it's perfectly acceptable to hurt a strangers child I'd be very worried about how he would happily parent his own.

lifetothefull · 28/06/2018 19:03

Motherhood is a bit of a shock. You are just about getting used to dealing with your own one and then you are expected to be completely confident at handling a situation with an older child. You are taking it a day at a time and doing great. Next time you will be a bit calmer and you will have a bit more experience behind you to know how to handle it.

cholka · 28/06/2018 19:04

I think replies are a bit over the top here - she said the toddler 'grabbed' the baby and some 2yr olds do overstep the mark and get a bit grabby, they should know by that age that you are respectful to other people and babies in particular.
By bat away I thought OP meant wave her hands a bit to gently nudge the 2yr old away, not give her a whack.
But yes OP, give it time and you'll have your own toddler touching everything in sight every waking moment. You can't exactly tie them down!

paxillin · 28/06/2018 19:09

Your DH thinks you should have batted the child's hands away Shock. He'd very likely be removed from the GP's waiting room if he bats toddlers.

MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 28/06/2018 19:09

Parenthood is not a test, you don’t win Nectar points.

You just on with it and with most things if you fling enough crap at the wall some of it will stick. (sometimes it’s actual crap or food, it depends🤷‍♀️)
Just follow the advice given here of speaking gently to any toddlers that get a bit rough.

IdLikeABiscuitPlease · 28/06/2018 19:12

@Nandocushion

I can tell you for a fact, I wasn't like this with my first and only born.

He's been knocked over by dogs
He's fallen
He hurt himself

He gets picked up and cuddled if he's hurt himself and cried but I don't go over the top, sod that, he'll become a whinge.

Shit happens. Your baby isn't made of glass.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/06/2018 19:12

@Fluffsy - I suspect that the worrying we do when our babies are little is, in part, at least, Nature’s way of making sure we keep them safe - and it is easy to get a bit over protective and PFB - which, for @bigbluehouse, means Precious First Born.

You seem to be keeping things mostly in proportion, which is all any of us can expect of ourselves.

It does sound as if your dh was venting, and wasn’t being entirely serious about ‘batting’ the toddler’s hand away - I’m sure he knows that swatting at other people’s children is not a good idea. Gently moving the child’s hand away or, as others have suggested, reminding the child to be gentle, would be an entirely sensible and proportionate response.

It is also worth remembering that a certain exposure to germs is no bad thing - it will help build the baby’s immune system, and it is highly unlikely that the baby will catch anything dreadful through being touched - intact skin is a good barrier against infection.

IHaveBrilloHair · 28/06/2018 19:17

I think we've probably all been a bit precious with our babies, I have an o my so I do get it but what you have to remember is that the giant 2yr old, will soon be your baby, and it's best to get perspective now before you're posting about your tiny baby two yr old and a giant 4 yr old