To think the lift is for anyone who needs it

[EeyoresEars]

Queuing up to use the lift at a busy station this week. There were about 6-8 people in front of me and I’m not sure how many behind. I waited for lift as I’m pregnant and couldn’t have carried my buggy down the long flight of stairs.

A woman who was using a wheelchair was a couple of people behind me in the queue and I heard her starting to complain, not directed at anyone, just talking loudly so everyone could hear. She kept saying she was going to miss her train because of all the lazy people who should carry their cases down the stairs instead of using the lift.

Then she started complaining about people not carrying buggies down the stairs. I kept ignoring her, as did everyone else, which I think made her more angry. She shouted to a staff member and asked what she was going to do about the lazy people in the queue. The staff member said there isn’t priority access for the lift and it’s safest for people not to carry heavy luggage on stairs if they don’t feel able to. The woman using the wheelchair kept on complaining and saying she was taking it further.

Aibu to think anyone who needs the lift can use it and if you have to queue then that’s just life?

I struggle with stairs. Really struggle. And I use a lift if one is available but I would always let a wheelchair user go in front of me.

Cannot believe some of the attitudes on here.

And you said everyone one was going for the same train but it didn't matter if she missed it as there would be another along in 15 minutes.

Yes in a fire she could probably get out.
But this isn't a fire this is using a lift which is available for anyone to use

I do have empathy for your situation, but the women was rude for complaining about everyone being lazy when she didn't know whether they were physically able to use the stairs.
If she wanted she could have asked to skip the queue but she choice to call everyone lazy instead.

This isnt a wheelchair users bashing thread. The woman was rude and dismissive of other people. There is no hierarchy of need that applies here. Lifts, by their nature, are first come, first served. People with big cases can struggle with stairs. People with buggies and/or large cases can also be disabled. Wheelchair users often and rightly complain that the wheelchair is seen first as opposed to the person. However, those with injuries and disabilities that do not require a wheelchair can find steps impossible as well. Perhaps wheelchair users should look beyond the person to see the disability? If everyone has to catch a train then first come first serve is the only fair system. There should be more lifts in many places but that is a different issue.

Well we will have to disagree then @dulra. I think the OP has every right to use the lift just as much as the lady and she will have to just wait her turn as OP was also not able to go down the stairs

@Scottish 100% agree

Sarcasm
Fuck me you sent an email to me for that message. . I’ve had an invisible disability for almost 10 years. I said it in my post at 7.53.

It may be that the woman didn’t have to book assistance to get onto the train in which case she didn’t need first priority. Having been so ill for so long I had no idea most trains are at platform level as I’m too poorly to take them. But if she did then she definitely should have had first priority.

In the first scenario she would have been stressed and afraid and in the second yes, I agree rude and presumptuous. But y’know I get how shit it is to be disabled so generally speaking I give disabled people some slack. I know I need it sometimes.

Cannot believe some of the attitudes on here

If someone posts that they've "inadvertently" parked in a disabled bay or says that they think that mums shouldn't have to fold buggies on buses to accommodate wheelchairs, the general consensus on here is that they are wrong.

So why is it ok for people to use lifts when they don't have disabilities but it is simply more convenient?

MN inconsistency at its best.

it didn't matter if she missed it as there would be another along in 15 minutes

Maybe 15 minutes later was too late because she had an appointment somewhere or assistance booked for THAT train, not the later one. Or maybe, you know, she has hobbies or kids or other reasons to want to get home asap, like the rest of us.

I find that there is often a queue for the lift at stations - I would always let wheelchair and mums with buggies on before me if the queue is a large one. I find stairs too difficult now especially if carrying luggage and in any case there are notices recommending to use the lift, not the escalators if carrying luggage.

Lifts are generally meant for people in wheelchairs, those with buggies or luggage, not able bodied people. I appreciate there are disabilities that can't be seen but in many instances I see young people who are just too lazy to walk a few yards to the escalator and take up space in a small lift instead.

I can understand why the wheelchair user was annoyed in this case. No use suggesting she leave the house earlier - it probably takes her for ever to get out of the house anyway.

@kaytee87 I'm interested to know whether or not you knew you would be a wheelchair user for a fixed time or not? Because it does make a difference knowing it won't be forever.

I'm two years on from becoming a wheelchair user. Despite having had to push my kids in their own wheelchairs for some years previous to that I still didn't fully comprehend what it's like to be in one myself.

I don't tend to use trains any more, locally they're stopped having guards on trains and after DH almost killing us by him having to lift my 49 kilo chair with me in it (and I'm overweight) because despite booking help there wasn't any I tend to drive now. I've also had platform staff apologising to other passengers for the inconvenience I was causing

How ridiculous. It’s not ‘simply more convenient’ it’s people with bags buggies and/or pregnant.

Loads of people aren’t actually fit enough to carry a travelling bad up stairs, maybe it’s too heavy, maybe they have a bad back and I personally would never expect a pregnant woman to carry items up stairs.

If it was a designated disabled lift fair enough but it isn’t. It’s a general purpose lift for people with any problem with the stairs

The OP needed to use a lift. I appreciate that. But you cannot tell me that every single person in that loooooong queue needed to. I'm well aware of invisible disability, until I had to start using my chair mine was pretty much otherwise invisible too but there are still too many people who have a me first mentality and no consideration for anyone else around them.

My dad is in a wheelchair and I am the fiercest disability advocate. I routinely give out to people parking in disabled bays without blue badges etc etc. However, now that dad is in a wheelchair, if we need to go anywhere that involves interacting with the general public or hard deadlines like a train departure, we leave sons of time for everything. It’s just not worth the drama of running late when you’ve got accessibility issues in the mix.

If the lift was for disabled people, then yes, it would be akin to parking in a disabled space without a blue badge. The lift is for everyone, so the analogy is closer to turning up at a car park and finding ALL the spaces are gone. I mean it’s shit, but - it’s not a disability thing.

kaytee87 I'm interested to know whether or not you knew you would be a wheelchair user for a fixed time or not? Because it does make a difference knowing it won't be foreve

Of course it makes a difference, I was replying to the person saying 'use a wheelchair for a day and see how angry you get'

I think she may have been anxious about losing her train and was vocal about it to try to get someone to help. In my experience my local station has a lot of problems for disabled access to trains and it causes the disabled customers a lot of stress. They have to contact the station beforehand to be able to literally cross the tracks to get on the opposite platform to catch trains to Cardiff or Newport. They also may need help from station staff to board the train, this all takes time of course .So they may have felt very anxious and stressed and it may have made them become verbally aggressive as a result. I think if it were me l would have let her have my place but this is knowing what l know re my local station and the problems they may have .

The woman was perhaps unpleasant but OP and other passengers were unkind. People who use wheelchairs should have lift priority. Too often they are made to wait for services they need by people who do have other options.

OP, I think you are being unkind in posting this thread looking for validation of your choice to ignore a woman with a disability. If you’d said “please go ahead of me” maybe others would have followed suit. It makes me think less of you that your response to this encounter was to justify yourself instead of being kinder.

Your own disability issues haven’t given you much empathy, have they?

YANBU but it does annoy me when people who really DON'T need to use the lift still clog it up, while people in wheelchairs or with buggies or large/heavy suitcases then have to wait longer because these lazy arses are occupying the space.
This happens in shops too. Whole families who could use the stairs (no buggy, older children) just take the lift. No obvious issues of any kind. Or women in high heeled shoes with posh shopping bags (no not heavy looking).

Mind you, I expect people think I'm taking the piss as well - I have hip issues and after I've seen the osteopath I prefer not to take the stairs as it's more likely to unsettle the work just done, but I don't look like I need the lift.

So I'm probably being hypocritical!

Eeyores
I am aware of that. I was on crutches and permanent painkillers in pregnancy too. Looking back I needed a wheelchair but I managed by not going far. Don’t assume I don’t know about chronic pain because I do. I have spent around 40k on massages and my health in general. I have been house bound for the majority of the past 7 years. I have ME and quite often it is severe. If you are disabled you should have said and my response would have been different. Autoimmune disorders are completely different from temporary conditions.

Still if the woman needed booked assistance at the train she should have taken priority over anyone else who didn’t as they can take a train 15 mins later. If not then she was being an arse.

Yeah I wasn't saying anyone had a 'pass' for expressing their frustration or as Cath puts it being rude

I have explained why this person may have vented their frustration on the OP's extremely unkind thread.

By Cath's token able bodied people don't get a 'pass' to be twats either but a significant chunk of them are.

Oh yay, having a baby means SPD will go, hang on, let me go back eight years and give my body that memo, so it does just that. Unfortunately I don’t have a time machine and I am in a wheelchair and likely will be for the rest of my life - which is major part caused by my disability SPD, which meant I had to spend six weeks in hospital before my daughter was born and has left me in agony every single day since!

It is bloody rude to make assumptions about people! Saying SPD isn’t a disability is ridiculous, considering many women are wheelchair bound during pregnancy and many of us continue to be wheelchair bound for the rest of our lives! I also have neurological problems due to a medical condition but it is my pelvis that causes the most pain to me every day!

Many woman, hopefully including the op will be free of the agony of spd after pregnancy, but many won’t and for them it is a bloody disability!

Anyway, as a wheelchair user I do understand the woman’s frustration, I have felt just as frustrated say in M&S, when I have to wait fifteen minutes for the one lift to arrive, only to find it is full of able bodied staff or people who can’t be arsed walking to the nearest escalator! Mothers with pushchairs and people with disabilities requiring crutches or zimmers/ walking frames or wheelchairs can’t just step onto an escalator, there are two rows of escalators going up and two going down in our m&s and yet there are so many people who will use the lift when they are perfectly capable of using the escalator!

However, in situations such as the one described, I am afraid it is a first come, first served basis. She WNBU for being upset, if she had spent half of her day waiting to get on to lifts because able bodied people don’t want to use an escalator. SWBVU to rant and shout abuse at everyone! I would imagine if she had asked nicely then one of you would have been happy to let her through first, especially if she said ‘please can you let me through first, I need support from train staff to get on the train and if I don’t get down soon I will miss the train completely’. In that case it would be obvious that train staff would have to make the train wait, allowing extra time to get down to the train.(I do understand that is not the case in this situation, though kindness and pleasantries clearly go further than insults and abuse.)

YANBU the woman was rude! She could have asked nicely, “excuse me would you mind if I go first as otherwise I will miss my train that I have booked help with” or something similar and I’m sure people would have let her go first. Manners cost nothing. If she was behind a big group of people waiting its possible that they just didn’t see her.

Oh and reverse prejudice? Please.

Able bodied people have choices. They have plenty of options. Disabled people have far fewer options and those options only exist because of years of campaigning by disabled people for this option.

So by an able bodied person using something provided for a disabled person when they have plenty of alternatives gives the disabled person nowhere to go. They might miss a bus and therefore an appointment or be late for work. Try might suffer the humiliation of soiling themselves. Both scenarios I've experienced as a disabled person or carer so this isn't abstract, it's fact.

Because the able bodied person who did have other choices couldn't be bothered to use the many choices open to them they adversely affected a disabled persons life and/or their dignity, and disabled people aren't allowed to be angry at that?

@CaledonianQueen my SPD didn't go away fully either. But it's the RA that put me in the wheelchair. At least I could walk before the RA. Albeit slowly.

I've got a dodgy knee and would wait for the lift. I look fine and would be considered lazy, but I don't want to trigger a pain flare up. I don't have to justify it to anyone and yes, first come first served.