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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To think the lift is for anyone who needs it

373 replies

EeyoresEars · 28/06/2018 06:46

Queuing up to use the lift at a busy station this week. There were about 6-8 people in front of me and I’m not sure how many behind. I waited for lift as I’m pregnant and couldn’t have carried my buggy down the long flight of stairs.

A woman who was using a wheelchair was a couple of people behind me in the queue and I heard her starting to complain, not directed at anyone, just talking loudly so everyone could hear. She kept saying she was going to miss her train because of all the lazy people who should carry their cases down the stairs instead of using the lift.

Then she started complaining about people not carrying buggies down the stairs. I kept ignoring her, as did everyone else, which I think made her more angry. She shouted to a staff member and asked what she was going to do about the lazy people in the queue. The staff member said there isn’t priority access for the lift and it’s safest for people not to carry heavy luggage on stairs if they don’t feel able to. The woman using the wheelchair kept on complaining and saying she was taking it further.

Aibu to think anyone who needs the lift can use it and if you have to queue then that’s just life?

OP posts:
DuchyDuke · 28/06/2018 12:06

disabled people should get priority on lifts. The staff member assisting should have pushed for this in the same way as most other stations.

ElementalHalfLife · 28/06/2018 12:08

It was a queue for a facility available to everyone regardless of ability, if everyone was pushing in front of the lady in the wheelchair, yes, that would be rude and unacceptable but there's nothing here to say anyone was doing that so she was being unreasonable to not just wait her turn along with everyone else. No one knows everyone else's story or why they might have needed to use the lift or be on that particular train so it's first come first served in this instance.

I remember a tired and long-suffering Chicago airport desk clerk facing a long line of disgruntled and anxious people whose flight had just been cancelled and were all trying to get the few remaining seats on the next one or at least one the next day or face having to wait several days.

I explained, when he told the line to go home and come back on Thursday (this was Monday), that I had just flown in from the UK so couldn't just 'go home'. He countered "Everyone has a story ma'am."

Bit blunt and I didn't like it but he continued wondering if my need not to be stranded for a few days in a hotel several thousand miles away from my destination trumped that of the young woman with the baby, (who lived near the airport and could have gone home) whose military husband was being deployed overseas in the next couple of days from her destination and this would be her last chance to say goodbye to him? He couldn't get her a seat either. Or that man who had an important business meeting at his destination. Or, indeed, another lady in a wheelchair also with a pressing need to get to where she was going.

"Everyone has a story, ma'am". And he was right. Everyone does.

TheOriginalEmu · 28/06/2018 12:09

I completely disagree that all lifts at all times should give priority to wheelchairs @Flywheel.....As someone who uses a wheelchair 50% of the time, and walks with crutches the other 50%, i'm far more able to wait for the next lift in my chair than i am walking!

In this particular case, the woman was rude. I accept she has a harder time than some, I accept she may be frustrated, I accept she may have been anxious about missing her train. None of those things change the fact that she was rude.
I also don't see this thread as wheelchair/disability bashing. The OP was asking a question. If the lift is non-priority, then it is.

neveradullmoment99 · 28/06/2018 12:14

Well unless it said specifically disabled lifts, you have EVERY right. What an obnoxious woman.

adviceonthepox · 28/06/2018 12:15

As far as I am concerned you wait in line for anything. No one should have priority over anyone else. I have no problem however allowing someone with greater need go ahead of me. In this case no one had greater need and she should have waited like everyone else.
I have to say the majority of wheelchair users I have met are not at all entitled and only expect consideration and politeness.

flamingofridays · 28/06/2018 12:16

I think we all know that disabilities can cause you to have a harder life than your average able bodied person, but its not an excuse to have a go at everyone else either.

yes, you might be frustrated or angry at the situation or your situation, but shouting at strangers doesn't help.

furandchandeliers · 28/06/2018 12:18

This reply has been deleted

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Bahhhhhumbug · 28/06/2018 12:23

Elemental reminds me off that old film set in ww11 when a woman was pushing through the crowd with her friend shouting 'let her through she's pregnant'. Then the late great 'Ivy Tyldesley' as she became later quipped back 'So's half the bloody town love '
Also reminds me on a completely different topic of what we say to the constant stream of entitled bastards who park over our H bar blocking our drive... 'Everyone has an excuse'

CousinKrispy · 28/06/2018 12:28

I haven't read all the posts on here so sorry if 50 other people have said this already but ... just wanted to say thanks to FreudianSlurp for posting the below. I bet a lot of people (myself included) would be completely clueless about the logistics of how much space a wheelchair user needs to get in & out of the lift and an education campaign to remind well-intentioned but clueless people like me could be really useful.

I don't think that non-wheelchair users have any idea of the logistics of it all. If I'm waiting for the lift, I don't expect priority because of my chair. However:

*- I wait to the side of the lift, as chairs don't move sideways and I leave room for people to exit with their luggage/shopping/prams.

  • I need a clear turning circle inside the lift so that I can face the doors for exit, which means I need to board first for most lifts as they are too small to do this when other people are already there.*
Flywheel · 28/06/2018 12:36

We will agree to disagree TheOriginalEmu. In an ideal world everyone's needs could be assessed and priority given accordingly. Of course this in entirely unrealistic. However, the fact remains that wheelchair users face struggles which non wheelchair users do not. I think making minor allowances (such as not forcing them to queue for lifts which they have no choice but to use) would go just a little way to making their lives easier. And if there were less entitled people about who just use the lift at busy times because it's convenient, that would make life a lot easier for people with all types of disabilities, hidden or otherwise.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/06/2018 12:40

BishopBrennansArse is was a general comment to the comment earlier.

My BIL was left leg amputee who relied on a wheelchair. I don't for a minute think my travel challenges are in anyway comparable with his access in general difficulties. I just don't think, as many threads like to suggest, that because I have a 3 yo and a buggy I'm selfish scum of the earth who had the audacity to breed without owning a car and that even though I rightly shift my buggy I can see why it's hard to collapse it single handedly as everyone looks away and tuts and why isn't desirable for anyone to have to get off and wait an hour in the rain.

The worker the lady accosted could have gone up the stairs and told the driver to wait. Whoever went in the lift before her could have told the driver there was someone coming in a wheelchair. Everyone in the queue could have moved so she could get on first. She could have asked directly if she could get through as she was in a lift.

There's no suggestion in the post this lady was pushed to the back of the queue but that she was mid stream so in all livelihood people coming up behind her who needed to catch that train too.

However, what is the mantra about only seeing a snapshot of this persons day. She have bren rude but none of us actually know why she was.

Incidentally drivers of pt also bed to take more responsible. Refusing to drop the ramp because it takes time, seeing someone in a wheelchair coming for the train / bus and not giving them an extra rew minutes to get there, not enforcing the wheelchair user before buggy user in the designated spot is not ok. I've seen drivers tell puerile in a wheelchair they'll have to wait for the bus without any attempt at notifying whoever is in their spot that they need to move

BishopBrennansArse · 28/06/2018 12:40

@littlemissdynamite how do you know that wasn't her fifth time of watching the doors open to a full lift? It happens frequently because people without buggies, without hidden disabilities or elderly frail people won't use the stairs or escalators. And at busy times I do think these people are selfish and inconsiderate.

BishopBrennansArse · 28/06/2018 12:43

@Scribblegirl it's far easier in Europe than here, sad but true. It's not about extra attentive service, that's a bit cringe, but more just considering what would make life easier as they've considered the everyday crap if that makes sense.

InTheLightOfTheMoon · 28/06/2018 12:44

you absolutely can use the stairs to take a pram down when pregnant. I use to live in a 3rd floor flat with no lift. done it with all of mine. even with a double.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/06/2018 12:45

I need a clear turning circle inside the lift so that I can face the doors for exit, which means I need to board first for most lifts as they are too small to do this when other people are already there.
I didn't know that (do now) but if someone in a wheelchair said "I need to get in first" I'd come out, hold the door and wait. If they yelled I was lazy for not pushing my buggy down the stairs and to get out the lift - well I was raised with manners so I'd be polite, offer to move over or out than it etc but not everyone's would.

BishopBrennansArse · 28/06/2018 12:46

@ElementalHalfLife but not everybody has a story that is needlessly complicated by thoughtlessness and selfishness several times a day every day for the rest of their lives!

BishopBrennansArse · 28/06/2018 12:50

It's also really sad that in society people need signs to tell them to consider others' needs. And they still don't sometimes even when it's spelled out to them.

Jux · 28/06/2018 13:00

We have no idea who the others waiting were, though. For all we know, everyone waiting for that lift had a disability of some sort, or were carrying heavy cases or had buggies with children. Hell in the old days, if I had 3 excited children with me, even if we were all completely able-bodied, I'd use the lift to ensure that all the children got down to the platform without getting lost/holding people up on stairs/got knocked over by someone's briefcase as they rushed (all those things have happened to me my brothers and my cousins when we were small).

When I am in my chair waiting for a lift or the disabled loo, I do repeat to myself that I have no idea whatsoever of others' conditions so I assume they all need the service as much or more than I do.

DawnMumsnet · 28/06/2018 13:00

Thanks to those who have reported this thread to us.

We just wanted to post our usual reminder that as well as not condoning personal attacks or goadyness, we also take a dim view of posts suggesting that it's wrong to implement measures that enable people with disabilities to live a full life. Such posts don't fit with Mumsnet's basic philosophy of support and advice for all parents. We're going through the thread now and will be deleting any posts which we feel cross this line.

Do please take a look at our This Is My Child Campaign and consider the challenges many parents of children with disabilities - or indeed who have disabilities themselves - face on a daily basis.

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ElementalHalfLife · 28/06/2018 13:05

Bishop True, but then, as pointed out in this thread, not everyone who faces difficulties day in day out has an outward sign that they do daily face such difficulties. And it still doesn't change the fact that this wasn't a situation where anyone was ostensibly being thoughtless or selfish or, indeed, doing anything wrong other than waiting their turn.

flamingofridays · 28/06/2018 13:09

you absolutely can use the stairs to take a pram down when pregnant. I use to live in a 3rd floor flat with no lift. done it with all of mine. even with a double

I assume you haven't experienced SPD?

I used struggled walking on flat surfaces with no other children and no buggy.

Jux · 28/06/2018 13:09

I also need to be able to go straight into a lift, but I'll back out if people will get out of the way for me to do so.

TheOriginalEmu · 28/06/2018 13:15

@Flywheel, so are you saying that a wheelchair user takes priority over everyone at all times? just to get what you are saying straight.
So, what about someone who is deafblind? or severely autistic and struggling? or someone with 4 small children and bags? or someone in their 80s?
I'm perfectly able to sit and wait for any of those people to go before me. If i'm going to miss my train, well, thats a pain in the arse, but i'm more able to wait 15 mins sitting down than someone like above. I really do not get your logic.

TheOriginalEmu · 28/06/2018 13:19

@Inthelightofthemoon YOU can. that doesn't mean everyone else can. My disability stems from the issues I suffered in pregnancy. toward the end of my third pregnancy, i couldn't even take myself to the toilet, let alone walk down some steps.
For whoever said it earlier, SPD (usually) isn't a permanent disablity, but whilst you have it, it can be extremely disabling.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 28/06/2018 13:26

I still think that anyone is perfectly entitled to use lifts without justifyin themselves, unless you mean these lifts: in the photo, and you are able enough to walk up 4 steps.

They are clearly designed and for the use of wheelchair users only! (and disabled people obviously).

Regular lifts are for everybody to use, and sometimes they are mandatory if you carry luggage or have a pram.

To think the lift is for anyone who needs it
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