Grandparents Babysitting

[Feb2018mumma]

DH and me argue at least once a week...

I have said am happy for either set of parents to baby sit once baby is on food for a evening but not when I'm back at work, I want baby at nursery.

DH today says his parents should have baby when I am back at work in afternoons and if I say yes my parents can have him for 8 hours too... But it isn't about my parents having the baby!

His parents had him when they were quite old, we went for dinner the other day and his mum needed his help to get the lid of her cream and help to get off the floor when she sat on it... I have heard them all whispering about how they want to have baby to my DH when we have gone round (they go out the room but they are both slightly deaf so whisper really loud) but we always end up agreeing when we get home and he brings it up that his parents are too old and my parents won't have baby to be fair, also nursery is good for babies!

I can only assume that his parents asked him today as he's brought it up again, insisting this time... He shouted and said they should have him, I explain that they are older and couldn't cope...

Does anyone else have this problem? He is saying now they would be fine together, both grandma and grandad, just not either one alone and that all grandparents have grandchildren now? Surely this isn't right? I don't know anyone else who has elderly Grandparents caring for their children?

My parents (late 60s to mid 70s) look after dd one day every few weeks. It's meant that they have a lovely relationship. However, there is no way that I would have entertained this being a day to day arrangement.
They each have some health issues, but can manage as a tag team, on these infrequent days. Occasionally though we've been let down at the last minute due to illness - I totally don't hold this against them, but it's an inconvenience that we don't have with nursery days, and would become a huge issue if we were relying on them more regularly. Also, when someone is providing free childcare you have to bite your tongue to a certain extent about some things, but with nursery you can be clear about your expectations.
Dd get a a mix of nursery, one on one days with me or DP and nursery, which I feel gives her a really good balance. Could you maybe trial 1/2 day per fortnight or something and see how it goes? Ultimately you have to be happy that your Dc is in safe hands though.

You have a dick for a DH. That's your problem.

Book the baby into nursery. Stop being in for the endless smoky grandparent visits, and tell your DH that he needs to learn very very fast who his family responsibilities are to. Or he can start movign his stuff back to his parents.

telling me I don't get to decide who watches me feed him

and THAT made me

Yes you do get to decide.

Honestly if his controlling attitude is this bad now, and your baby is still very small, I'd jump ship to your mum's for a short while, and make it clear that - you're the primary carer, your baby is not public property, and if your DH does not change his fucking ways sharpish then you will separate as a result of his behaviour and the baby will be very much living with YOU.

Your last post made me really sad OP.

It’s terrible. You’re in a terrible situation where you are being bullied, your boundaries trampled over and your wants and needs are being ignored. You are also being completely disregarded in your entirely reasonable wishes for your son to have proper childcare from someone who is qualified, willing and able.

Honestly, just tell them all to fuck off. If your “D”H hasn’t even looked after his own child yet than he can absolutely get to fuck if he thinks he is entitled to a say in anything. His weird, possessive parents can fuck off too. I’ve never heard such ridiculousness as counting hours - why exactly do they feel so entitled to your time and attention? They obviously do bog all for you.

It sounds like your baby is still quite little? The thought of looking after a little baby, and the reality of looking after a rambunctious toddler (both mine were walking by 11 months, before I went back to work) are worlds apart. For a walking, babbling, loud, snotty, climbing toddler, you need eyes in the back of your head and to be able to move.

It wouldn't surprise me if they haven't considered the reality of this, or have forgotten exactly what toddlerdom is like - they see a little baby for a couple of hours and think that they would like to look after it, but 8/9 hours alone with a little sod toddler would be entirely different.

I clearly didn’t read the op properly, I wouldn’t advocate leaving a child in an unsafe environment.

Surely if that is the issue, it’s a straight No then? Child is potentially unsafe with GP off to nursery it is?