to not contribute to this appeal and potentially embarrass my children?

[SnappedCrackledAndPopped]

School is holding a cake sale and non uniform day for a 'charity appeal' for a terminally ill little girl. The appeal has been featured in local newspaper and radio and they want to raise half a million pounds to go towards seeking alternative therapies abroad and also a memory making Disney family holiday. I'm rather embarrassed to say that I have a few issues with this, due to the following:

The child is terminally ill. There is nothing, absolutely nothing that can be done to save their life or halt progression of this cruel and tragic disease. At best, these quack unproven treatments could only extend their life by a couple of months, at worse it would mean dragging a very sick child half way around the world on several exhausting journeys, which I'm not too sure would be in their best interests.

It is not correct to say this is a charity appeal. It is a crowd funder.

The kids think I'm being unreasonable. I'm ok with donating to one of the charities and foundations that fund research into this disease and I will happily do so. It's just that the crowd funder doesn't sit comfortably with me.

On the other hand I can wholly sympathise with her desperate family and have no idea whether or not I'd do the same in this situation.

Should I just keep my thoughts to myself and ride the wave of love shown to them by our local community, or go with my gut instinct that all this is probably not a very good idea?

Prepared to be told I'm a heartless evil witch.

I see my post about Kira has been roundly ignored. I guess it’s inconvenient to a lot of the arguments on here huh?

I've been on the other side of this. You have no idea how terrible it is. Don't give money, they wouldn't want it off you, but don't fucking judge.

I'd feel comfortable helping to fund Disney. The alternative therapies...? Eh. But I suppose they're mainly a comfort to the parent. She might enjoy the journey...? Think of it as a road trip? Idk.

But I'd probably buy them a cake or give them some money. There is a time and place to make a stand.

This isn't it. (Imo)

They're obviously not doing this because they think it's particularly entertaining.

I guess I'd trust the parents and their support system to decide what's best for the child.

Should I just keep my thoughts to myself

Yes. How is that even a question? Whether you support them or not. Of course you should.

There is nothing to be gained from not keeping your thoughts to yourself.

I agree OP but I would still give my kids a couple of £
I would look at it as entertainment for them and ignore where the money was going ( unless it was to support Donald Trump)

And this is how scammers work. Either families, or those offering alternative treatments. Its all about emotional blackmail.
Unless I knew the details and trusted the family, I would only donate to charities where at least we know the money will be regulated.

Why is this case constantly trotted out in debates like this by people who have no idea of the facts

I thought he had the proton beam therapy in the Czech Republic and it was very successful and he's made pretty much a full recovery as far as is ever possible with cancer?

If this had been last year and OP's school was raising funds for Charlie Gard, would everyone's responses be the same?

I can imagine wanting to do anything I possibly could if I had a terminally ill child, but if their life was such that giving them extra time would just prolong their pain or a quack treatment would make their last few months worse, I would hope that someone more rational than me at the time would be able to persuade me what would be best for my child.

It is horrible that there are people scamming parents when they are at their most vulnerable

The problem with non uniform days that you pay for is that you are forced to give because of your own children.Whether the treatment is right or wrong is neither here nor there ,giving should be a choice and schools do this for many dubious causes.

I can't believe a school would do this.

Being kind isn't the same as being on a high horse, bib. I have no idea about the alternative therapies available elsewhere, I am sure her parents will have looked deeply into the possibilities. This parenting decision is no business of anyone else's so long as it's legal.
I am coming from the point of view that the money will benefit the girl and her family if they manage to have a dream holiday. She deserves a dream holiday. The rest of the money could go towards, sadly, the funeral? General financial support (as having cancer is expensive)? Therapy?
I don't see what is troubling in giving a couple of quid to a good cause and letting informed adults make their own decisions. Using a fundraiser to push your own agenda is distasteful.

£150,000 is a lot of money for general financial support.

I wouldn't begrudge them a penny of it. They are going through every parent's worst nightmare.

nobody here doesn't want the parentd to have the money for s holiday - the issue is alternative therapies which in best case are useless and can even be very harmful. usually the only person benefitting is the seller... Sellers are usually very persuasive and a non medically trained person has little chance of seeing what makes sense and what doesn't.

Contribute a tenner and touch wood that you're never in that position.

I'm not a big believer of alternative therapy but if it was my child and it gave a chance of keeping her well for a bit longer then I would be doing it. I would do anything to save my child's life and I'm sure you would too.

They don't need your judgement of what they're doing, just your support.

But yura, you can't apportion the money so it will go towards one thing or another. It will be spent as the parents see fit.
I feel awful to think about the other kids stood around eating their cake and the OP's just looking on and being conspicuous because their mum wanted to make her unasked for opinion known.

I wouldn't begrudge the family a penny of it. Even if they were using it to pay their bills or give the kids a treat, absolutely fine with me. Rent still needs to be paid when your kid has a terminal disease. I'd begrudge the shit out of giving it to some charlatan that preys on desperate people though. Which given the information we have, is a sufficiently realistic possibility that it simply cannot be dismissed.

It's a few quid - and as @pilcanpissoff quite rightly states please do not make assumptions as to what you would do if you were put in that position. You cannot possibly understand the stress and worry that family are under and what lengths they will try and go to EVEN if the chances are slim, a 1% chance is better than a 0% chance! Believe me, I know!
Have a bloody heart, chuck them £10 and count your fucking blessings it isn't you. Quite frankly it shocks me that you would rather pay money to registered charities where sometimes less than half of the money they receive goes towards actual funding for research and the other half to pay for the bosses swanky cars and plush central London offices (Yes, thats you CRUK!) over a local family for them to have some enjoyment during an incredibly painful time!

Don't let your kids be the scapegoats because you feel 'uncomfortable' about it. Imagine the pain this little girls parents are managing right now... there really isn't any comparison is there!?

I also agree with @bibesia The Aysha king case is not comparable. Aysha was not terminal and had already had surgery to remove his tumour. I know plenty of children from my daughters cancer hospital with Aysha's diagnosis and many of them have had conventional treatment and are alive and thriving. The parents spun their story to make it look like the NHS were signing his death sentence, that really was not the case at all!

For the sake of a couple of pounds I think you should stay quiet.
Unless you are fully aware of all the facts and gave researched it all you are not in a position to judge if treatments will make a difference or not.
Just because treatments are not available on the nhs doesn’t mean they are not effective.
Plus in any situation like this HOPE is a massive thing for all involved.

Except I would not donate to simply fund hope. False hope is simply cruel and helps no one.
Also lots of people with terminal illness or chronic illness struggle with everyday expenses. There is some help available. But I wish there was more help to those who have terminally ill children who do not have cancer.

Kids die all the time, often for preventable reasons. Sometimes it's lack of money (either for NHS funding, or because their families are in such dire poverty that they can't afford extra food or medicine, or they have to live in unsafe housing).
The way in which some families get their appeal taken up by the general public and others don't, is rather worrying, as well. You've got to be prepared to publicly humiliate yourself and your DC to get money, and all those randoms who've been having a good time berating others to try and shame them into giving more money might well turn on you, if you cross some unspecified line (like refusing to share photos of your sick/dying/dead child, or not looking sad enough on TV or something). And you have to be reasonably photogenic and have someone reasonably articulate on your side to get press coverage in the first place.

The two recent dying-baby cases made it very clear just how many witless, sentimental, wilfully ignorant, self-righteous and thuggish people there are these days. This is what decades of deliberate manipulation of the public has brought about.

I'd definitely be explaining to my DC why this particular thing is a bad idea, though I would allow him (my DS is in his teens) to decide for himself.

And this amount of money could stop a large amount of babies from actually dying. Not just give some parents false hope, but actually save lots of babies lives.

I've just realised who this thread is about. You've really embellished the facts here OP.

Oh please... you would do the exact same for your own child

I would not use alternative therapies on my child.
I would not drag them half way round the world when they are very sick.
I fundamentally do not understand the attraction of Disney in this context, or any other 'dream' holiday. More memories to be had together as a family in a cottage or something than rollercoasters or big hotels.

BUT I do not begrudge the family the money, as worrying about money is the last thing you need in this context.