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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let these children use our swimming pool again tomorrow?

123 replies

Lokide92 · 27/06/2018 19:38

We are very fortunate to have a holiday home abroad. We have a pool, our NDNs don't. We have let them use our pool when we are not here. They have family visiting atm with three kids, 11, 8 and 6. They asked yesterday if the kids could have a swim as it was so hot. We stupidly said yes, thought they'd be in for an hour or so, no it was 6 hours. They've been back today. Told them that they can't come tomorrow as we want to relax. I like to sunbathe topless and feel that I can't do this with kids about. We've had friends staying and I want a few days to chill now before going home. Told the neighbours that the pool will be free to use Monday onwards, but they said that's no good as their family will have left too by then. I don't want to fall out, as they live here permanently and do keep an eye on our property, but feel like telling them to fuck off.

OP posts:
Mrsharrison · 28/06/2018 14:31

And yes the ndn has taken the piss. But sometimes these mutually benefit arrangements have situations where the balance is loaded one way. But this balance can change. The ndn will be a godsend if there's an emergency at op's house.
My friend has to fly to Spain to sort out tenants in his villa who have planted a whole field of cannabis on his land. It was the neighbour who tipped him off.

Mrsharrison · 28/06/2018 14:31

And yes the ndn has taken the piss. But sometimes these mutually benefit arrangements have situations where the balance is loaded one way. But this balance can change. The ndn will be a godsend if there's an emergency at op's house.
My friend has to fly to Spain to sort out tenants in his villa who have planted a whole field of cannabis on his land. It was the neighbour who tipped him off.

Juells · 28/06/2018 14:37

Well she's already paying for the pool to be maintained weekly, which is very expensive. If the neighbours weren't using it presumably she could just put a cover on and leave it until the week before her holiday.

It would be cheaper in the long run for her to pay somebody to keep an eye on the house. Nobody needs neighbours to put in a few groceries for them, that's just busy work to make themselves look essential.

Branleuse · 28/06/2018 14:41

Being someone that did have a holiday property that was broken into 4 times in a year, i would be over the bloody moon at a neighbour that kept an eye on it while we werent there.

I wouldnt like them to expect to use it whilst we were there, but because of the enormous value of having their help and goodwill, I would suck it up. You get more from them than they do from you

Branleuse · 28/06/2018 14:42

Being someone that did have a holiday property that was broken into 4 times in a year, i would be over the bloody moon at a neighbour that kept an eye on it while we werent there.

I wouldnt like them to expect to use it whilst we were there, but because of the enormous value of having their help and goodwill, I would suck it up. You get more from them than they do from you

DarlingNikita · 28/06/2018 14:56

Well, TBH you should have said 'OK – please keep it to an hour (or whatever) and leave by x o'clock.'

But they're cheeky saying Monday onwards is 'no good'.

It's tricky if they keep an eye on the place, I suppose. Good idea to have a chat when you're calmer.

LuMarie · 28/06/2018 14:59

Agree to try to be generous with the pool. Imagine what you'd be dealing with if they didn't keep an eye on the place when you weren't there, or weren't there to help you out and be in touch when you're not there. Paying someone to manage is property is crazy expensive and not nearly as helpful as a neighbour.

Just pick a time you won't use it/be naked and say "Ok how about.... for an hour/hour and a half on which ever days", outside of that we were planning private time by the pool.

It's hot, let the kids chill in the pool, just be clear about times in advance

Copperbonnet · 28/06/2018 15:04

If the neighbours weren't using it presumably she could just put a cover on and leave it until the week before her holiday.

Unfortunately pools need to be continually maintained or they go green and the water becomes unsafe. The OP needs to maintain her pool regardless of it being used.

Pinook · 28/06/2018 15:06

They really shouldn’t have used it for six hours yesterday. Only because I feel sorry for kids being sweltering hot (although they could use a hose, buy a cheap paddling pool) I would offer for 2 hrs, no more, take it or leave it.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 28/06/2018 17:08

@Pinook wow, can we come and use your pool? We haven’t even got a back garden let alone a pool, paddling pool or hose.

user1457017537 · 28/06/2018 17:12

Are you near the sea? Couldn’t they take the children to the beach or a beach club

kyrenialady · 28/06/2018 18:19

Any update OP. Have they been round today?

Original poster
Lokide92 · 28/06/2018 19:11

Hello, well today it's been cloudy, some rain and cooler, so not swimming weather. Spoke to NDNs and said that I was upset that they felt that it was 'no good' that they couldn't use the pool until Monday. They were very apologetic and said that they hadn't meant to sound rude.
I think it was a case of everyone being a bit stressed out, them with hot children, me worn out after hosting guests (another holiday home problem). We're on good terms again, and I've taken note of what some posters have said about me getting a good deal from NDNs too.
When I get home I will check insurance details. We don't rent out our property so I'd not thought about the possibility of being sued if there was an accident.
Left it that they can continue to use it when we're away over the summer. It's only a verbal agreement, so if there was an accident and they did sue, I could say they were trespassing??!! OMG, I'll be on Judge Rinder arguing the toss Shock

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 28/06/2018 19:24

People are overreacting. In general the neighbours use it occasionally - the kids are grandkids so I doubt the neighbours themselves are actually splashing around on a daily basis. The neighbours help with a couple of things which is handy. There was one cheeky incident which was the kids staying for 6 hours. This wouldn’t have happened if the op had said a couple of hours , or if the op came out after two hours and said guys we will want it in the afternoon (which didn’t need hindsight to do ) the op has spoken to the neighbours and everyone has been very reasonable.

I’d probably say if it’s nice Saturday they can use it for a couple of hours in the morning or some time that suits so everyone goes away happy, but fine not to do this.

I would however be paranoid about unsupervised children in the pool and happy to be very clear about that to anyone. It would be awful if anything happened and not just from a legal liability perspective.

Original poster
Lokide92 · 28/06/2018 19:34

timeisnotaline agree with everything you say. The children weren't unsupervised, DH and I were sat outside reading, and we watched them as we did our own DC years ago on holidays. However, I think it was a mistake on our part. Should've said no, or, just an hour with Dad/Nan/Grandad there to watch.

OP posts:
HouseworkIsASin10 · 28/06/2018 20:29

What about putting a sign up just to cover your backs?

Some info on this article:

accident-law.freeadvice.com/accident-law/accident-law/injured-during-work-party.htm

Guiltypleasures001 · 28/06/2018 20:29

Hi Loke

I believe you can get an agreement written up for them to sign accepting responsibility for any accidents they might have.

An old friend of mine had and indoor pool built, and once a year had a huge BBQ ,
Everyone used the pool whilst drunk and with kids, she was worth a few bob dues to an injury payout.

I said to her that people who you think are friends quickly change if their kid gets injured. I don't believe it cost much at all to put together, but she did it because she found out she was liable after all.

Bahhhhhumbug · 28/06/2018 20:39

Omg l can't believe you were also free childminders for the six hour pisstaming session.

Bahhhhhumbug · 28/06/2018 20:40

pisstaking

Pinook · 28/06/2018 20:42

@Lokide92, I am glad you talked to your neighbours and all is ok between you both.

@DianaPrincessOfThemyscira, point taken, as someone who lives in a flat without a garden. Saying ‘take it or leave it’ does sound arrogant when I read it back, apologies. I did think using it for six hours without checking if that was ok was impolite, but as OP said in hindsight it would have been better to have given a time limit upfront.

As it sounds like the Op is going home too v soon, I think it’s reasonable she wanted to have some time alone to use it, but thought I would still offer some time rather than none.

AnathemaPulsifer · 28/06/2018 20:46

Sending over an 8 year old and a 6 year old and not coming to supervise is proper CF territory. Glad you've got things sorted with them - sounds like they just hadn't thought it through.

Hygge · 28/06/2018 20:53

I was going to ask who watched the kids for six hours while they were in your pool, but I see it was you and your DH. They had a good deal, six hours of free babysitting and pool use. They can't really expect that every day.

I'm glad they've realised they were rude and it was just a case of saying the wrong thing or it coming out badly.

I also think some sort of insurance is a good idea if you have any sort of agreement to let others use your pool.

Mrsharrison · 28/06/2018 22:23

I'm glad it's calmed down. But you shouldn't have been expected to babysit them.

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