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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect DD to get a job or even just

88 replies

Mari0990 · 27/06/2018 17:17

NC for this. Our DD finished uni last month then went on holiday abroad. She’s now back but we’ve heard no talk of her even looking for a job. Though she did mention another holiday in a few weeks time, and shes borrowed the flight money from us. Don’t know what she’s going to do for spending money. AIBU to think she should start looking for a job or should she be allowed a few months off to rest? She pays no rent and doesn’t contribute as obviously she’s been at uni the last three years. We still give her a small monthly allowance but that’s a throwback to support her outgoings at uni, and technically she only finished last month. I want to broach the subject with her, DH said to leave her alone , so should we give her more time, if so how much more?

OP posts:

NC4Now · 27/06/2018 17:18

Really?
She’s a lucky girl....

NC4Now · 27/06/2018 17:19

Of course she should get a job. Isn’t that the point of going to uni?

And she needs to pay for her own flights.

LittleCandle · 27/06/2018 17:20

The money stops now. You supported her through uni, but that is now over. She is an adult and if she wants lots of holidays etc, she has to pay for them herself. Likewise, charge her rent. Do not subsidise her because if you carry on doing it now, you will never get rid of her and she will always be a leech. She needs to learn to earn her money.

tissuesosoft · 27/06/2018 17:20

If she doesn’t have a job then she isn’t borrowing the money- you’re giving it to her. Personally, I wouldn’t give her the flight money until she has a job as a means to pay it back

ilovesooty · 27/06/2018 17:22

Stop the allowance. This is a total piss take.

Battleax · 27/06/2018 17:22

Hasn’t she mentioned any career plans at all, no matter how vague? What’s her degree subject?

Belindabauer · 27/06/2018 17:22

Has she not even began the process looking for a job?

Is she going to use her degree?

ilovesooty · 27/06/2018 17:22

And she should be paying her way at home as well.

AdoraBell · 27/06/2018 17:23

How long will DH want her left to be financed by you?

Yes, she should at least be looking for a job. And the flight money, is that a gift or a loan? How will she pay any loans back without an income?

KirstenRaymonde · 27/06/2018 17:23

Let her have the summer. Uni is stressful and she’s got her whole life to work. I only had two weeks between finishing uni and starting my - very full on - grad job, a bit of time to rest would have been great. She should definitely start applying as it could take time to get a job, talk to her about that, but if you can afford to help her for a bit more why not.

Idontevencareanymore · 27/06/2018 17:24

Well she's got it easy,, your funding her altogether so I don't see her rushing to spoil that tbh.
Is she planning to have a gap year after uni? I think you need to at least broach the subject.

bakingdemon · 27/06/2018 17:24

Give her a deadline. She has until the end of July, say, and then she has to start paying rent.

Lonecatwithkitten · 27/06/2018 17:24

Support stops the day you leave Uni in my book, same as it did for me. I had a job lined up to start the Monday after I was legally able to practice.

LoveInTokyo · 27/06/2018 17:25

My parents have never paid for any holidays I have been on, except the family holidays I went on with them as a child. Even when I was a student I paid for my own holidays out of money I earned waitressing.

Your DD sounds really lazy.

GummyGoddess · 27/06/2018 17:27

Give her a deadline of a few months, she's worked really hard. Finishing uni is not lazy. Surely a little bit of time off to regroup and sort out a cv won't hurt before she starts applying.

LoveInTokyo · 27/06/2018 17:29

What's wrong with doing a bit of part-time bar work so she can at least pay for her own holidays and isn't sponging off her parents? It's good fun, not stressful, and brings in a bit of cash.

Blostma · 27/06/2018 17:29

A friend of mine decided not to talk to her DD about it, because she was 'exhausted from working for a first'. Two years later, she is still at home "thinking about what she wants to do next".

5foot5 · 27/06/2018 17:29

Support stops the day you leave Uni in my book, same as it did for me. I had a job lined up to start the Monday after I was legally able to practice.

Well you were very lucky weren't you?
And so was I come to that as I graduated in a field that , at the time, had oodles of job opportunities.

However, the same is not always true for graduates these days. My DD graduated last summer. She started job hunting several months before graduation and really stepped up the hunt afterwards. Even so it took her 6 months to get a "proper" job, i.e. a graduate job that used her degree subject. Yes, she had part-time, temporary work in the interim but she still needed our support until then.

cornishclottedcream · 27/06/2018 17:32

My daughter has just finished her 2nd year at Uni. She has a summer job working for the whole of summer through until 2 weeks before she is due back. She will go on holiday with her boyfriend during that 2 weeks. She is paying for it all by herself and has already indicated that she will pay some 'keep' while she is at home.
I think you are being a tad too generous. Give her a time limit and say your funding will stop on this date. From then on it should be up to her to earn her own money.

MigGril · 27/06/2018 17:33

Was she not attending care fairs and graduate recutments I before she finished uni? She's had one holiday surely that's it then it's time to start looking for a job. Unless she has serious plans to travel and a way to fund it.

Original poster

Mari0990 · 27/06/2018 17:33

Ok thanks all, so mostly people are saying she should get on with it with a couple saying to give her more time. Yes the allowance should stop really, it’s not that much and we still pay her phone but I guess if she has no outgoings there’s no rush for her.
I understand she needs a bit of a rest but it’s the not even looking that’s worrying me.
Thanks all.

OP posts:

BewareOfDragons · 27/06/2018 17:34

Love that she's 'exhausted', unlike parents who are 2, 3 or 4 decades older than their university graduates and still plugging away at their jobs to support their 'exhausted' adult graduates ...

Oh wait ...

Stop giving her money for holidays and tell her you are now here for support in getting a job! Something she should have been thinking about while she was in her last year of Uni, btw. They have support for students ... and now she's out and will struggle to find support in job hunting!

frenchfancy · 27/06/2018 17:34

Support works both ways, someone who is actively looking for work and takes on part time work in the meantime is not the same as someone who is doing nothing.

At the very least I wouldn't have leant the money for a second holiday and I would make any allowance conditional on job searching and pulling weight around the home.

Original poster

Mari0990 · 27/06/2018 17:35

No MigGril she never mentioned any graduate fairs, nothing job related at all.

OP posts:

LoveInTokyo · 27/06/2018 17:36

I would encourage her to get some bar work or waitressing to tide her over.

Even if she starts looking for a "proper job" tomorrow it will probably take a while.

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