To expect DD to get a job or even just

[Mari0990]

NC for this. Our DD finished uni last month then went on holiday abroad. She’s now back but we’ve heard no talk of her even looking for a job. Though she did mention another holiday in a few weeks time, and shes borrowed the flight money from us. Don’t know what she’s going to do for spending money. AIBU to think she should start looking for a job or should she be allowed a few months off to rest? She pays no rent and doesn’t contribute as obviously she’s been at uni the last three years. We still give her a small monthly allowance but that’s a throwback to support her outgoings at uni, and technically she only finished last month. I want to broach the subject with her, DH said to leave her alone , so should we give her more time, if so how much more?

I'd give her until the end of august and then that would be it. Other graduates will be starting work then; time for her to do the same.

Do you think she’s avoiding job hunting because she’s lazy, or because she might be a bit anxious/scared?

Post graduate stress with regards to job hunting is horrible. You have high hopes and start with excitement about the next chapter of your life, then you get rejection after rejection within your field. Do you think this is why she’s lacking motivation? There might be a bit more to this than you think. I know working certain entry level jobs might be shit and demoralising at times, but some income is better than no income.

Obviously the situation would be a little bit different if your family is super wealthy and your daughter doesn’t ‘need’ to work per se, but at the same time I’m sure there’s at least one avenue that she can explore. Whether that’s starting a business, blogging, volunteering, whatever. The fact that she doesn’t want to do something is a bit concerning.

Did she go to university with an ultimate career plan in mind? Is her degree in something that will lead to employment?

I’m afraid I think that the idea that half the population can go to university annoys me rather, because what is the point if the degree is no use for a subsequent career, or if you go there without any idea of what to do afterwards.

I don’t buy this idea of a few months off to relax either. She’s had a holiday, so that’s the relaxing bit. Real life isn’t like that. If there’s no career path leading from the degree, I guess people have to take any job they can get to make ends meet. You can’t subsidise her indefinitely.

Even if you can afford to subsidise her indefinitely, it won’t do any much for her personal growth.

Her holidays are ‘something to look forward to’ for now. It would be amazing for her to get to a point where she looks forward to everyday; exploring the next chapter of her life and progressing in what she wants to do.

But to be honest I don’t know how you should broach the conversation with her without coming across as overbearing or pushy? I guarantee that work is on her mind, she probably has loads of mates that are working and some with fab grad jobs so she has probably considered getting a job herself. Also staying home all the time with no structure of work/education gets boring after a few weeks. I guess you’ll have to get to the bottom of why she isn’t motivated to start job hunting and offer practical help without being pushy. Does she have anxiety? Is she scared of rejection? Does she not want to work in an entry level field? Does her cv need help, or do you have any friends who could get her into a job?

She needs to get her shit together, even if it's just looking for some part time bar work.

My parents were very generous with me when I was at uni but allowance definitely stopped when I left.

You say she needs a rest, well maybe but it doesn't cost anything just to sit at home and rest. She needs to learn that to go out and have fun from now on she needs to get a job!

Give her a couple of months rest! My daughter has just graduated and has worked her arse off, so she's exhausted. (Having said that, she has been to an interview for both a part-time job and a post-grad course this week, so she is still moving forward and planning ahead. )

Speaking for myself, I started work full time on the Monday after my course ended the Friday before. I hardly had a minute to breathe.

She's going to be in work a long time, maybe 40+ years, what's a couple of months? I wish I'd taken a couple of months off, with the benefit of hindsight! By say September ideally, she needs to have a plan in place but until then, let her have her last summer off in maybe a long time!

Needs a rest......!

She is what, 20 something ? and she 'needs a rest'

unless she is a trainee doctor or such, she probably has not been working excessive hours......how on earth will she cope later with a full time career, possibly Dc and being older...?

Where is her drive, her ambition.....she must have gone to University for a reason?

Have you not spoken to her directly about her career path, ambitions and plan for the future?

Even a plan to work casually, save and take a bit of time travelling whilst planning X,Y,Z in a years time would be better than this situation, l do think you need to have a direct talk, she is an adult.

Do you and your DH have the luxury of a 'rest' this summer? Or do you have bills to pay?

How is it going OP? Did you have a chat with DD?

Sorry, just realised she's actually graduated already. Why isn't she out there applying for jobs!!!??? She sounds quite lazy and entitled.

I'd love a 'rest' most Monday mornings but that isn't going to pay my rent!

I think you should let her have her summer but have a serious talk about looking for jobs after her graduation. Even if it’s just a unskilled filler job at first.

University is so stressful, the last few months in particular and I think she deserves a break, she’s never going to get this time again after she starts a career.

I think a month or summer off after finals is reasonable, but I would expect her to have a plan for after the summer. I would also have expected her to plan how to finance her summer!

I was at home during the summer until I was about 26 (uni, masters and then year-long teaching contracts). I worked some of the summers, others I didn't. My parents didn't charge me rent, but didn't give me money once I had graduated. I did my share of chores and unpaid babysitting my much younger sister, and bought a lot of my own food/voluntarily bought food for my family.

As you've already given her the money for her next holiday, I don't think you can change your mind now. But you need to be speaking to her about her plans for the future and like OPs said giving a deadline when you will stop subsidising her (unless she has a job/PG course).

One of our DC has just finished university. He has an internship lined up for September 2018/June 2019. He has just had an operation, from which he is recovering. At the end of July he has an internship for a fortnight and in August he is taking three weeks’ holiday. All this is financed/supported/partially arranged by his parents and that is, IMO, quite normal and necessary.

I think the longer she leaves the job search the harder it’ll be. Most of my friends did a bit post-uni holiday and had a few weeks off to chill, but by August/September most of them were in some sort of work so that they didn’t end up with gaps in their CV. I stacked shelves post graduation, which gave me plenty of time to job hunt for my dream career. I know people who did internships by day and then waited tables at night.

A little break is good for you. But she’s young. She’ll never have this much energy and freedom again.