to be absolutely fucking terrified?

[PereyButton]

I've posted twice already over the past few and will continue to do so until we get our results. Apologies if the serial posting is annoying however I'm in turmoil and find that mn support helps me through.

I'm due an amnio tomorrow. I'm absolutely terrified. Partly because of the miscarriage risk, partly because of the risk of illness in our baby. Partly because I don't know how I'm going to function with a three week wait for the results.

DSD is here at the weekend and she's baby obsessed. She normally sits with her hand on my belly, talks to her brother/sister, asks lots of questions. I just don't want to hear it, and can't stand the idea of potentially having to tell her we aren't having a baby any more (worst case scenario).

AIBU to not know what to do? I'm completely lost. I'm still working and can't focus. I'm catastrophising everything. How can I cope? I've had miscarriages in the past and have convinced myself that I am just not meant to have children. How do I get through the next few weeks?

whether you'd terminate the pregnancy if all wasn't well would determine whether the amnio should go ahead.

@SugarIsAmazing the amnio is definitely going ahead...

whether you'd terminate the pregnancy if all wasn't well would determine whether the amnio should go ahead.

I disagree, we had an amnio after a 1:40 blood test result. We were not going to terminate regardless of the outcome but needed to know for peace of mind and to prepare ourselves for what may be.

Op be kind to yourself, it is a really tough time and waiting for the results is awful. Did they say it would definitely take 3 weeks to get the results? As hard as it is try and stay positive and just focus on your baby for now.

whether you'd terminate the pregnancy if all wasn't well would determine whether the amnio should go ahead

not necessarily, when I was pregnant if I had needed it I would have had it, it wouldn't have necessarily meant I would terminate, but at least you get a "heads up" about how your baby will be when they are born and you can look into what you will need to do, what might be different than with a baby without that condition, and what extra support you may need.

Good luck OP. Be kind to yourself x

Thanks both. We aren't set on whether we would terminate or not. I mean how can we possibly know until we are actually faced with that? I suffer with anxiety and don't think I could cope with the rest of my pregnancy if I didn't know. We just want to be prepared for all eventualities.

Have you considered a Harmoni test instead?

Might be a good idea to only see DSD for short periods of time, could you arrange with your DH to take her swimming or to the cinema, and for you to go shopping or meet friends for lunch. Is your DH supportive? If so I would have a code word so he can step in the change the conversation, have ice cream or a dvd ready as a distraction.

I remember the waiting, its awful, but its something you have to go through so must be endured.

Just want to make it clear that we are definitely having the amnio. We have talked about NIPT/Harmony etc etc and have decided against it. We wouldn't go in to this without a lot of discussion and thought. I really appreciate people suggesting different methods however we wouldn't have a full set of results without doing amnio.

What are you having the amino to look for? Does the harmony test cover the condition as that wouldn't have a risk of miscarriage but is usually a few hundred pounds although the results only take a week.

@auntyflonono code word is a good idea. It's so hard. I wish we hadn't have told her but we honestly thought we arts safe after having a scan at 16 weeks. Thank you.

Cross posted.

I really hope everything is OK and the test goes well for you

@GummyGoddess don't worry, I really appreciate people offering us different ideas. It's sensible, however we've already decided.

Thank you x

Could you keep DSD busy all weekend so you don't have to sit down with her ?

If you are getting a taxi home after the appointment I'd ask them to take a route without speed bumps or go really slowly over them. I didn't and the taxi seemed to crash over every speed bump on the way home.

@applesandpears33 thankfully my mum is taking me as my other half is at work and can't get the day off. It's hard for him, he really wants to be there but he's just started a new job and they've already been very lenient when it comes to giving him time off.

@notapizzaeater we have tickets to go out on Saturday, so I'm going to go with as it's a very relaxed day. I think this'll keep her distracted anyway. I'll wear a loose dress or blouse so my bump doesn't keep reminding her!

The usual advice is to distract yourself as much as possible.
I found the waiting time with a set date a lot more bearable than the "if it's bad news we'll call you" NHS results, and living in fear of the phone ringing for a good 2 weeks complete hell.

Can your partner deal with DSD and you can spend the days somewhere else?

You are feeling worst because you are waiting for the amnio, once it's done, it's done.

There's not much to do to prepare yourself unfortunately, watching tv, embarking on a project, seeing friends, any distraction technique that could work for you

I just want to wish you luck. I've been where you are. I know how it feels. I vividly remember trying to hang the washing out one summers day and having to keep stopping and going back in the house because i kept sobbing so loudly. I was worried i'd alert the neighbors. I was having a bad day purely down to the anguish and termoil of going through pre-natal testing.

Three weeks wait after the amnio? I don't remember it being that long for us though ...

(4 years ago)

The risk of miscarriage from an amnio is really very low. The 1% figure touted isn't accurate any more and is based off really old figures. Expecting Better covers this a bit if you wanted something to read to calm your nerves a bit on that front. There's also a recent article I read that puts the risk at about 1 in 1600.

www.parents.com/pregnancy/stages/amniocentesis/risk-of-miscarriage-from-amnio-low/ (has citations)

@Laiste thank you for your kind and thoughtful message. It helps to know that I'm not the only person who's been through this (though saddening that anyone has to go through it at all). I think they likely tell you the longest time it could take. It may be less that three weeks. Possibly because they are testing for so many things?

This was 10 years ago now, but I paid to get my results in a week (NHS hosp). Could you do that?

@TheOrigFV45 really? I was told it takes a long time to grow the cultures especially for cystic fibrosis do not sure that paying will speed up the process, but will definitely ask.

Thank you @Celebelly I'll have a look at that now

Is your midwife supportive?
Are you getting any support for your anxiety?

I've done Harmony as well as amnio. The clinic (London) was fantastic, lovely people, beautiful place, easy test. But the test didn't give a conclusive result! That can happen to a small percentage sadly. They offered us a free very detailed scan at 14 weeks instead IIRC.

Why are you having the amnio? Were there anomalies seen on the scan you had at sixteen weeks? I was in the position where due to the anomalies seen, it was fairly obvious that there was a major issue, so in some ways I had prepared myself for bad news. This may be more difficult for you if you suspect something less obvious.

Have you spoken to ARC? I found them very helpful. I would also say that my consultant reassured me that in the majority of pregnancies that miscarry after an amnio (and realistically the risk is not huge, especially if you've been given a 1:3 chance of Patau/Edwards like I was), it would have happened anyway, due to the baby's underlying condition.

Waiting for the results is impossible though, I can't lie. I was signed off work during this time as I was like a zombie and incapable of functioning or parenting my dd, and we encountered a lot of delays by the lab, so the wait for the full array ended up being far longer. You should get the basic results for the major trisomies sooner if my memory serves me correctly.

I hope that the news is positive for you, it's a very tough situation to be in, but you will get through it, promise.