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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH is too committed!

125 replies

piterdevries · 27/06/2018 10:17

Not to family life, or work, or the house. No, he is dedicated to his warhammer hobby.

Last night, I feel him stirring at around midnight. He goes off and I hear bathroom light go on. I am a light sleeper so after 30 mins aware he hasn't come back.

After knocking gently on door, I let my self in (lock is type you can turn with coin from other side. Good for young DCs!). There his is, wobbed out on the toilet holding some sort of plastic vehicle with a pot of the glue that DH must have knocked over all over the lino. I shake him and he blurts out something sounding like 'peach body oil' and drops the little car, which breaks much to my delight!

Now, I hate the smell of the glue and I dont like DG indulging this hobby when we are sharing quality time in front of telly etc so I admire his commitment to his hobby in a weird way but he hasn't shown this level of commitment to anything else (housework would be nice lol). I thought once we had DCs he would leave all this juvenile stuff behind and be like a normal person

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 27/06/2018 11:19

love DH but if he stopped pouring so much effort into a nerdy hobby and more into say his work he may have got another promotion by now, or maybe into the home so we could have a nicer house.

It really doesn't sound like you love him at all.

Why don't you pour your extra effort into getting a promotion or making the home better instead of "wasting" your time on Mumsnet - or is this just a more acceptable hobby to you?

LeighaJ · 27/06/2018 11:20

"I thought once we had DCs he would leave all this juvenile stuff behind and be like a normal person"

Hmm I don't think it's reasonable to expect the person you married to transform into a version you like better just because you've had children.

People should marry someone for who they are, Not for their potential to be who you want them to be!!!

Storm4star · 27/06/2018 11:23

There is a reason warhammer wasn't liked by the popular kids at school

Wow OP, what a lovely and supportive wife you are! You married him hoping he would ditch his "geeky" hobby once the DC's came along and now he hasn't, you're not happy? If you care that much about what your friends might say then, I find that kind of sad tbh.

LeighaJ · 27/06/2018 11:23

piterdevries

"Its the enthusiasm for it that gets me, I love DH but if he stopped pouring so much effort into a nerdy hobby and more into say his work he may have got another promotion by now, or maybe into the home so we could have a nicer house."

WOW, you sound like quite the catch yourself.

MrsPreston11 · 27/06/2018 11:24

Jesus Christ you're being the mean girl to your own husband?!

If he's such a nerd and you're so ashamed why did you marry him?

My husband is a huge nerd. Thankfully now we're in our 30s shit like that doesn't matter and he can finally like the stuff he likes as he's left twats from school behind who used to pick on him for liking comic books.

I'm glad he doesn't know you!

ILoveMyDressingGown · 27/06/2018 11:24

Are you actually real or just making this up for a reaction?

Not everyone wants a promotion. Not everyone wants to reach the top of their career ladder. I don't. I'm much happier colouring in or taking/editing photos than I am doing all the paperwork that would comee with working full-time and at a higher level than I'm at now, despite the fact that we have little money.

If you want a bigger house, why don't you get a promotion and earn more money?

Why do you give a shit about what others would say about your husband's hobby? What's it got to do with them?

Were you picked on as a child and so you're still carrying around the idea that you have to conform or you get laughed at or bullied?

Jorah · 27/06/2018 11:25

I don't beleive this is real. I hope it isnt otherwise your poor dh.

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 27/06/2018 11:26

YABU for just assuming he'd change after you had children.

SneakyGremlins · 27/06/2018 11:27

He'd be better off without you if this is true.

Poor bloke.

Justwaitingforaline · 27/06/2018 11:27

DH paints WH models, including commissions from other players he’s very good at painting

No, it isn’t my bag, but I’d much rather he had a hobby like this than be down the pub three times a week. He will paint/glue while we watch a film or while I’m doing something else. It makes him happy and has no real impact on my life other than when I hoover up plastic shavings and hope I haven’t sucked up an important bit. We each have our own spending money after bills have been paid- I don’t ask how much of it he spend on models and he doesn’t ask how much I spend on clothes.

I really can’t believe that he feels the need to do it in the bathroom at midnight because he can’t do it around you.... how would you feel if he hated you reading so much you had to do it in secret on the loo?

lifechangesforever · 27/06/2018 11:28

You sound 12.. poor guy.

ToothTrauma · 27/06/2018 11:28

You sound fucking awful.

Raspberryberetthekindyoufind · 27/06/2018 11:28

Poor man. So basicly you are ashamed of your DH and think his hobby is not cool.

If it was a man posting like this about his wife’s hobby and having to do it in the toilet at night there would be cry’s of abuse

TrudeauGirl · 27/06/2018 11:28

If this is true.. You sound mean and controlling.

Why can't he have a hobby that he enjoys, and you're happy it broke? Wow...You sound lovely.Hmm

Nodnol · 27/06/2018 11:30

I really hope this is a troll post.

Otherwise you are a right bitch.

lifechangesforever · 27/06/2018 11:30

@Justwaitingforaline the part about hoovering up parts and hoping they're not important 😂😂 literally my life - or if the dogs have happened to get hold of something!

Also, it makes birthdays and Christmas sooooooo much easier when you have someone who's so 'into' something. I do envy him a little sometimes because I don't really have a hobby, or anything that I really care about that much - apart from my dogs and soon to be here DD.

Inkspellme · 27/06/2018 11:30

Why does it matter if your friends think your DH’s hobby is not cool? And as for it not being something the popular kids did in school? Well, most adults leave that thinking behind them when they leave school. Also - the “popular” kids weren’t popular with everyone - just each other.

Why not talk to your DH about finding a balance of stuff with family and his hobby? And as for more promotion so you can live in a bigger house - well, he’s a person entitled to a quality of life including hobbies and not just a workhorse to provide a bigger house.

My hobby is patchwork - I cut perfectly good fabric into smaller pieces only to sew them back together again. All hobbies can sound ridiculous- 5 a side football consists of people kicking a ball from one end of a field to another. And yet you think that would be cool enough for your friends.

ta14 · 27/06/2018 11:31

"but its hardly one I can mention to friends, not like if he played five a side or something"

What an idiotic and hurtful statement for a so-called adult to make

pissedonatrain · 27/06/2018 11:33

Good lord. Leave the man alone. You are the one that sounds a bit obsessed that he has a hobby and hobby friends. You're not his mum.

Do you not have a job, friends, hobbies to do for yourself? Find something to do instead of trying to control his every move.

SoyDora · 27/06/2018 11:35

but its hardly one I can mention to friends, not like if he played five a side or something

Why? Are your friends as shallow as you?

PositiveVibez · 27/06/2018 11:40

There is a reason warhammer wasn't liked by the popular kids at school

Wow. You are not coming out of this too well OP. You sound very immature.

I can see how it would be annoying that he doesn't help with housework etc., But surely that is the issue rather than his actual hobby.

He's not even allowed to do it whilst watching TV? Bizarre.

furryleopard · 27/06/2018 11:41

I'm a warhammer widow too but it's only like Airfix or something to me. Makes me laugh when I say to DH 'you look lost in thought, what you thinking?' and he says 'I was wondering what colour to paint my Captain blah blah' we play sometimes too I don't mind it and usually beat him as I'm more tactical than he is. I'd rather this than him cycling all blumming weekend never seeing him. Love it when he paints with my DD who's 3 as well. Her models are all pink and turquoise. Very cute!

I've told people about his hobby and actually most folk are interested. It's just a hobby.

midnightmisssuki · 27/06/2018 11:43

You’re coming across as quite mean OP.

DeathByGlamour · 27/06/2018 11:49

Poor bloke. No one should be having to hide their hobby in the toilet. Unless there hobby is masturbation or suchlike.

KingLooieCatz · 27/06/2018 11:51

I'm trying to imagine Warhammer model glue running onto the lino and I can't. They're pretty well designed so that the glue only comes out in tiny drops when and where you want it to.

That aside, poor fella, DS is into Warhammer and I've spent hours sitting in our local shop while he builds, paints and plays. I gave in and bought some models to build and paint myself. I have been dragged into a juniors game when there was an odd number of kids.

I have rarely met a nicer bunch of people, from the kids, to the staff to the adult players I've met when we've been there outside the kids' session. There is usually some chat going while people build and paint. The adults are really patient with DS (has ADHD - can be a bit draining), not just the staff, adult hobbyists as well chat away and answer his endless questions.

So long as your DH is not neglecting responsibilities in favour of his hobby, let him get on with it.