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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH is too committed!

125 replies

piterdevries · 27/06/2018 10:17

Not to family life, or work, or the house. No, he is dedicated to his warhammer hobby.

Last night, I feel him stirring at around midnight. He goes off and I hear bathroom light go on. I am a light sleeper so after 30 mins aware he hasn't come back.

After knocking gently on door, I let my self in (lock is type you can turn with coin from other side. Good for young DCs!). There his is, wobbed out on the toilet holding some sort of plastic vehicle with a pot of the glue that DH must have knocked over all over the lino. I shake him and he blurts out something sounding like 'peach body oil' and drops the little car, which breaks much to my delight!

Now, I hate the smell of the glue and I dont like DG indulging this hobby when we are sharing quality time in front of telly etc so I admire his commitment to his hobby in a weird way but he hasn't shown this level of commitment to anything else (housework would be nice lol). I thought once we had DCs he would leave all this juvenile stuff behind and be like a normal person

OP posts:
CaptainKirkssparetupee · 27/06/2018 10:57

Why do you invade your husbands privacey and unlock the toilet door?

He's not 6.

LimeCheesecaker · 27/06/2018 10:58

You’re delighted that something he enjoys, that means a lot to him, dropped and got smashed?

You sound like a nasty piece of work.

totalcontrol · 27/06/2018 10:58

You need to stop being so controlling!Your poor DH!
If this were the other way round MN would be calling it abuse!

veggiethrower · 27/06/2018 11:01

What does "wobbed out" mean?
Was he unconscious on the toilet? Was he spaced out on glue??
Did he sleepwalk and start making models on the toilet in his sleep?
Or did he have to resort to making models in the middle of the night because you won't allow him to make them during TV time.

I'd be wanting to get to the bottom of this.
BTW, I have no idea why he can't make models while watching TV. We don't have a TV anymore but when we did we were always doing something at the same time. I was still able to communicate with my partner.
Does he have a dedicated workspace for Warhammer? He should have if it is at all possible. It's his hobby and he should be able to do it in peace without having to tip glue all over the bathroom floor.

Storm4star · 27/06/2018 11:01

If this were the other way round MN would be calling it abuse

This is absolutely right! Imagine "my DH won't let me do my hobby so I have to go in the bathroom to do it when he's sleeping. Last night he broke into the toilet and shook me and my model broke"

There would be plenty of "ltb's"

Original poster
piterdevries · 27/06/2018 11:04

Its the enthusiasm for it that gets me, I love DH but if he stopped pouring so much effort into a nerdy hobby and more into say his work he may have got another promotion by now, or maybe into the home so we could have a nicer house.

I do appreciate its a hobby that means he is around and not away, but its hardly one I can mention to friends, not like if he played five a side or something. There is a reason warhammer wasn't liked by the popular kids at school

OP posts:
CaptainKirkssparetupee · 27/06/2018 11:06

There is a reason warhammer wasn't liked by the popular kids at school

You are no longer kids....

peachgreen · 27/06/2018 11:06

How depressing to hear that you're embarrassed by your husband. I expect it's quite depressing for him too.

CaptainKirkssparetupee · 27/06/2018 11:06

You realise you are grown adults?

There are no nerds any more, you're an adult, he's an adult, Loads of people play warhammer.

BrexitWife · 27/06/2018 11:07

You need to stop being so controlling!Your poor DH!

Hmm ... this is a hobby. Just a hobby.
And whilst hobbies are nice and we need them, therebis also a heel of a lot of otherbthings fojng on in lifevthat needs to be taken care off.
That includes, in no particular order,
Your dcs
Housework,
Your health
Sleep
Your partner
Your family
When a hobby is so encompassing that any of those is suffering then there is an issue.
Fgs, this guy is getting up in the middle of the night to glue something whilst sat on the toilet! Mahatma bout sleeping and feeling well? Sleeping and being up to looking after your dcs? Etc etc

I have no issue with anyone playingnthat sort of games as long as it doesn’t interfere with life and his responsibilities.
From what the OPP says, it looks like it does. And for that, he is BU to be so ‘committed’ to a hobby above and beyond his family, dcs, life and health.

steff13 · 27/06/2018 11:07

Do you need to discuss your husband's hobbies with your friends?

Shoxfordian · 27/06/2018 11:08

It's just an interest as valid as any other interests op

We're all entitled to have interests even those that don't match our partners or strike you as uncool or whatever this is. Not a fan of your judgemental attitude tbh.

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 27/06/2018 11:10

I'm a MTG/Warhammer type widow too. I don't mind it to be honest. He goes and plays every Friday night after work and I use the time to catch up on my trash TV. In return he'd have no problem if I wanted to join a class and be out one night a week or whatever.
I don't feel I need to hide his geekery from my friends etc though because I'm not ashamed of him.

OkMaybeNot · 27/06/2018 11:11

Sounds like he was sleep painting Grin

That's some commitment.

trulybadlydeeply · 27/06/2018 11:11

How many hours does he spend doing it? Is it all evening as soon as he gets home from work, and is now waking in the middle of the night as well? Everyone should get time to devote to interests and hobbies, but there can be a fine line between very committed and addicted. If it is literally all he does when not working then there is an issue. If it is something that he does for a few hours a week then good for him.

And what is wobbed?

SnailMailFan · 27/06/2018 11:13

You’re unbelievable. How about you let him do what he wants to. Its not hurting you.

Maybe if he was allowed to pursue his hobby in the evenings, he wouldn’t resort to trying to do it in the bathroom when you’re asleep. Maybe then he might put more energy into his job. Or maybe not. Maybe hes happy.

I hate threads where people say ltb. Its a horrible thing to say, but I’m thinking it now - about him leaving you though.

OkMaybeNot · 27/06/2018 11:13

I do appreciate its a hobby that means he is around and not away, but its hardly one I can mention to friends, not like if he played five a side or something. There is a reason warhammer wasn't liked by the popular kids at school

Er, well, it's his hobby and not yours so why does it matter you can't 'mention' it? You can though, by the way. It's not like his hobby is masturbating to cat videos or something is it.

MidnightAura · 27/06/2018 11:14

You sound awful. Let the poor man have a hobby and work on it during the day and not at night. Taking pleasure in something he likes breaking is quite spiteful.

SoyDora · 27/06/2018 11:14

I’d be a bit Hmm if DH suggested we should spend ‘quality’ time together... watching TV. In general, unless it’s something that really interests me, I find TV dull and rarely watch it. If DH is watching something I’ll go for a swim, read a book or do some cross stitch. Quality time is spent actually taking to each other!
Many adults have hobbies. People can’t concentrate on work 24/7, they’d go insane. Leave him be.

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 27/06/2018 11:14

How unreasonable of your DP to have a hobby that doesn't fit your expectations of 'cool'
My DP cross stitches, dress makes and bakes cakes as a hobby. My friends love it, they are always asking him to adjust or make clothes or make cakes.
I think it is you who has issues!

MyKingdomForBrie · 27/06/2018 11:16

You shouldn't have married the poor sod.

Why should he give up his hobbies to focus on material gain for someone who is 'delighted' when something he likes and wants is broken?

You make me sad.

Frankenterfer · 27/06/2018 11:17

I initially had some empathy for you OP but I think you're definitely being unreasonable. The man is entitled to his hobbies and what you perceive as dedication sounds more like the only way the poor guy can indulge in it is to skip sleep!

What are you doing to have a nice home and to get a promotion? Is his financial contribution all that matters to you?

Jorah · 27/06/2018 11:18

Are you actually for real OP?

I can't believe you are.

veggiethrower · 27/06/2018 11:18

OP you haven't answered my question as to whether he was asleep on the toilet - I'm afraid I don't know what "wobbed out" means. Did he sleepwalk and start making the model? Does he have no place where he can work on his models - therefore getting up in the night and taking his things to the toilet?

LimeCheesecaker · 27/06/2018 11:18

Its the enthusiasm for it that gets me, I love DH but if he stopped pouring so much effort into a nerdy hobby and more into say his work he may have got another promotion by now, or maybe into the home so we could have a nicer house.

How’s your career going OP? Smashing it? Promotion after promotion? I hope so. I hope you’re pulling your weight to get the big important house.