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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Safeguarding School Fail!!!

134 replies

CluelesslyMomin · 26/06/2018 21:00

AIBU to be fuming at DD school?!
Another (older from what DD said he is 7/8) child showed DD (she is 6) his willy and pulled her school dress up and snagged the dress on a branch.
And then the school didn’t tell me until today when it happened yesterday?! They also then massively down played it, made excuses, and said that DD was prone to flirting with boys so it’s pretty much her fault...even though she feels embarrassed and humiliated by it...AND THEN the teacher turns around to DD and said that because she flirts and sometimes kiss chaces other boys she can’t always believe her, even though DD did the right thing in telling a teacher about it.
Completely separate to the issue I have told DD not to kiss chase boys and hasn’t done it since I explained that it wasn’t appropriate...that shouldn’t be even an issue in the above anyway.
Like WTAF?! AIBU in wanting heads to roll and getting my mumma bear claws out?! Before I storm in tomorrow morning guns blazing AIBU? Surely MASSIVE safeguarding has been disregarded here?!

OP posts:
IamXXHearMeRoar · 26/06/2018 23:53

victim blaming a 6yo, wtf Sad I haven't got the words.

spontaneousgiventime · 26/06/2018 23:54

The women on here downplaying this have sickened me.

OP, you are DNBU. A six year old accused of flirting, being subject to a boy showing his penis. These are safeguading issues. The teacher is minimising to prevent a showdown with the boys parents I expects. It's simply not good enough.

I have a six year old DGD and had this happened to her my daughter would have created merry hell at being fobbed off.

Every child has the right to go to school and be safe, when you have a teacher who takes this so lightly, you have a problem.

anditgoes · 26/06/2018 23:57

This is your DDs first experience with unwanted behaviour and she has been sorely let down. It's these attitudes that create such a toxic society.

6 year old gets flashed = accused of encouraging it by being flirtatious can easily lead to 22 year old gets raped = fears she may not be believed or even be blamed.

How can people not see the connection?

OlennasWimple · 26/06/2018 23:58

Request a meeting with the head and the safeguarding lead at school.

Not so much because of the boy's behaviour (though obviously that has distressed your daughter), but because of how school have handled it. You absolutely should have been told that day, and there is no way that she should have been blamed in any way for what happened

NotTakenUsername · 27/06/2018 06:42

What age does someone start flirting?

ElfridaEtAl · 27/06/2018 07:55

Lulu I wouldn't go ballistic in front of my child but I would find it very hard in this parent's situation to not go mad at the teacher. That's not because I'm a bully or have no self control, I just really cannot stand victim blaming and I think what this teacher has said is really terrible and completely unacceptable.

And how you can make a judgement on whether or not I'm a good parent or not from one post is beyond me HmmConfused

petrolpump28 · 27/06/2018 08:53

did anybody hear a teacher use the word " flirting"?

geekone · 27/06/2018 09:49

I would be fuming 😤 FUMING 😤

My DS is 8 if he showed his privates to a little girl he would know what he was doing was wrong. There is no flirting at 6 and there is no way on Earth a child should be flashed at and have her skirt pulled up. As I say my DS is not quite 8.5 and would know this is inappropriate and so should the school.

NotTakenUsername · 27/06/2018 10:57

There is no flirting at 6

Why will no one answer my question... if there is no flirting at 6, when does it start?

placemats · 27/06/2018 11:42

The school has failed in Safeguarding. This needs to be addressed. I suggest contacting the head of governors and finding out who on the board has responsibility for the sex and relationships programme and the safeguarding programme.

It is totally inappropriate for a teacher to say that a six year old girl was flirting. Also, it is totally inappropriate, and breaking safeguarding procedures, for a secondary school teacher to say a girl was flirting as well as an excuse for say an exposure incident.

If you do not get a response in the way of new training and guidelines for the teacher, and all teachers, from the head and the governors, then I would contact the police regarding what the teacher said and outline the response.

placemats · 27/06/2018 11:45

if there is no flirting at 6, when does it start?

Certainly within an educational environment, if a student experiences exposure to genitals that wasn't asked for and reports it, it is a safeguarding incident. The response should not be, no matter what the age, that the person who was exposed to in a sexual manner was asking for it by flirting.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/06/2018 11:52

Wow Banana, how would you feel if it was your dd! There is so much wrong with what you have said in your post. She is not responsible for the boy showing her his willy, he is, at 8/9 he should know that it is wrong. Its like making excuses for sexual abuse and rape! Dress provocatively, you are asking for it! Even if dd was 'flirting' at 6, I don't think she really knows what it is, there is no excuse for the behaviour of the boy, and I would be going further up the chain.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/06/2018 11:53

He pulled her dress up too, which is totally unacceptable. We have to be teaching our boys, that this behaviour is not acceptable, not making excuses for it. One day he will be an adult, then what.

NotTakenUsername · 27/06/2018 12:02

placemats I don’t disagree it is a safeguarding issue, but there are plenty of neighbourhood kids around my area who do flirt. I’m interested to know the opinion of pp who are saying 6yo don’t ever flirt - what age does this behaviour start?

I would suggest that the teacher should have already flagged up op Dd ‘flirty’ behaviour as inappropriate sexualised behaviour, of they had found it to be of note.

placemats · 27/06/2018 12:07

Well, you are entitled to your thoughts on the matter User and I'm entitled to mine.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 27/06/2018 12:07

Why will no one answer my question... if there is no flirting at 6, when does it start? It's a slightly silly question as I suspect you know. It starts when young people become aware of their sexuality and how to use it. Exactly when that is can vary but will be much older than 6!

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 27/06/2018 12:10

but there are plenty of neighbourhood kids around my area who do flirt.

What do you actually mean by flirting? I have never in my life seen a six year old do anything that is remotely similar to flirting. I've seen little kids copy dances they've seen in music videos or sometimes seen them imitate adult behaviour without understanding what it means but never flirting in any meaningful sense. I would be very concerned about a child who was flirting at this age or any other child who was able to recognise flirting and interpreted this as an invitation to engage in sexualised behaviour.

NotTakenUsername · 27/06/2018 12:12

It starts when young people become aware of their sexuality and how to use it.

Correct!! So how does this little boy get accused of sexual assaults but the girl can’t possibly know how to flirt...?

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 27/06/2018 12:24

NotTaken I didn't accuse the boy of sexually assaulting anyone. I doubt he had any sexual intention at all. From the DD's point of view though the intention doesn't matter it would still be unpleasant. The main issue is that the school is giving the DD the impression that she can't complain about this behaviour because it will somehow be her fault for reasons she doesn't understand. This is dangerous and confusing for her.

WigglyBlossom · 27/06/2018 12:27

So if a girl/woman flirts its her fault? She's obviously asking for it?! I'd be fucking furious with the teacher for victim blaming!

anditgoes · 27/06/2018 12:36

Why will no one answer my question... if there is no flirting at 6, when does it start?

For some of us never.

Flirting in this case means she enjoys male attention I imagine. Liking male attention and then being shown a penis isn't ok.

Even on the side of the boy here, we have a dangerous new culture of "sexting" and those pictures getting released - any opportunity to discuss the importance of keeping your private parts private should be taken.

NotTakenUsername · 27/06/2018 12:44

For some of us never.

Yes, but the pp are so adamant that a 6yo cannot flirt. Your point is about will not flirt. I agree, I was never much of a flirt - o see it as an inherently negative trait.

mamamac101 · 27/06/2018 12:51

Very concerned about the teachers comments blaming the victim. Definitely worth a chat with the Head.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/06/2018 13:17

Its the victim blaming here, that is so wrong, and the notion that the girl was asking for it, and that her behaviour was leading him on. What sort of rubbish are we telling little girls.

kierenthecommunity · 27/06/2018 14:02

You are 100% NBU for being angry for your daughters report being fobbed off this way. Nor for the victim blaming. Nor for thinking the school should be taking this more seriously...yes it could just be children messing about but firstly he needs to know in no uncertain terms he cannot act like this and secondly there needs to some investigation into his background to ensure there isn’t a sinister reason for the behaviour

You are however BVVU for the use of the phrase ‘mumma bear claws’ GrinWink