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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Safeguarding School Fail!!!

134 replies

CluelesslyMomin · 26/06/2018 21:00

AIBU to be fuming at DD school?!
Another (older from what DD said he is 7/8) child showed DD (she is 6) his willy and pulled her school dress up and snagged the dress on a branch.
And then the school didn’t tell me until today when it happened yesterday?! They also then massively down played it, made excuses, and said that DD was prone to flirting with boys so it’s pretty much her fault...even though she feels embarrassed and humiliated by it...AND THEN the teacher turns around to DD and said that because she flirts and sometimes kiss chaces other boys she can’t always believe her, even though DD did the right thing in telling a teacher about it.
Completely separate to the issue I have told DD not to kiss chase boys and hasn’t done it since I explained that it wasn’t appropriate...that shouldn’t be even an issue in the above anyway.
Like WTAF?! AIBU in wanting heads to roll and getting my mumma bear claws out?! Before I storm in tomorrow morning guns blazing AIBU? Surely MASSIVE safeguarding has been disregarded here?!

OP posts:
Cheby · 26/06/2018 22:37

Fuck this victim blaming bullshit. Doesn’t matter what the kids did or did not do. The teacher’s response is disgusting, and way out of order. I’d be going in for a sensible chat about what happened between the kids. And a formal complaint about the way the school have handled it and what the teacher said.

TheBigFatMermaid · 26/06/2018 22:39

PuddlesOfBud

The 'child' is now 23, totally untouched by the event, having seen me deal with it and yes, the 13 year old at the time certainly did not go near her any more, the chat with his mother, even though she was protective, made sure of that. He was a child at the time, being a young 13 year old.

So she was a protective mum, but still dealt with it, unlike this school, who seem to be protecting the boy but not dealing with it!

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 26/06/2018 22:41

I am completely confused here.

DD was prone to flirting with boys so it’s pretty much her fault
The "safeguarding" complaints are usually ridiculous, especially on this forum, but I would be in the Head's office on the phone with the board and Ofsted for a comment about a 6 year old!

BUT
I have told DD not to kiss chase boys and hasn’t done it since I explained that it wasn’t appropriate...
WTF is a 6 year old doing "kiss chasing boys"?

There are a lot of wrongs in this story Confused

peoplearemean · 26/06/2018 22:43

Speak to the head. It maybe innocent but the teacher's attitude is disgusting.

SmileEachDay · 26/06/2018 22:43

Pretty sure this is made up.

Bombardier25966 · 26/06/2018 22:45

said that DD was prone to flirting with boys so it’s pretty much her fault

What exactly did they say? Pretty much suggests they didn't actually say it was her fault.

Bombardier25966 · 26/06/2018 22:49

Pretty sure this is made up.

It is written in a very similar style to another school/ victim blaming thread started around the same time.

Just saying.

LotsToThinkOf · 26/06/2018 22:52

Did they use the word 'flirting'? Did they say 'her fault'? Or did they say something that you've interpreted as those words? These facts need to be established first.

MissEliza · 26/06/2018 22:55

They said your dd was prone to flirting??!!! Give me the name of that school. They need a piece of my mind'

Dljlr · 26/06/2018 22:57

I've not RTFT. The 'flirting' remark has made me feel really sick. You need to raise that with the Head tomorrow. Jesus, I'd be raising merry Hell if an adult suggested that my six year old child has seduced another child into doing something deviant and is therefore deserving of any upsetting consequences. Attitudes like this are so incredibly damaging.

SisyphusWasGenderCritical · 26/06/2018 23:03

6 year olds don't flirt.

You need to take this further. Complain and don't give up.

And yes, name the school. With any luck the DM will pick it up and shame the bastards

moira123io · 26/06/2018 23:05

Hmm.. assuming this is real and not another thread made to demean teachers, I would go to the head. Not regarding the boy (who clearly needs to be spoken to, but not 'punished' per se), but about the teacher. Unsure if you were present for her conversation with DD, but then would have been the best time to question said teacher.

Ginger1982 · 26/06/2018 23:10

When I was 8 I was in the queue at school and asked a boy in my class to show me his 'thing.' He did and another boy told on us. I got into trouble and had to apologise (still not quite sure why 27 years later...) but we all lived to tell the tale. I wouldn't make more of it than it is.

PintOfMineralWater · 26/06/2018 23:17

This is awful!

Something similar happened to DD (6) recently and her school took it VERY seriously. There were meetings and the boy was followed up with social services (sadly with good reason). It is very important the school doesn't blame or minimise to your DD, and that your DD learns these kinds of complaints will be taken seriously. Glad she has you to go into bat for her.

Thesearepearls · 26/06/2018 23:17

Storm in a tea cup TBH

Go in with all guns blazing if you want OP

Be prepared for the school to be laughing unreceptive

Original poster
CluelesslyMomin · 26/06/2018 23:19

I really wish it was made up, would definitely have avoided very real upset in our home this evening.
Have not seen the supposed other thread so can not comment.
After some sound advice on here (thanks Ladies) I’ve managed to calm my tits somewhat.

  1. To anyone who thinks the contrary I am no way expecting a witch trial of the boy, there is clearly something more going on here.
  2. I just wanted to clarify that I did have ground to go into the school and have a word because I always feel silly when mentioning something to them or disagreeing with anything. I am very much a heads down kind of person.
  3. My main issue is with the way in which it was dealth with, I would expect to have been told on the same day, if not at the end of school at pick-up at least a phone call or email. The way in which it was suggested that because my DD has been known to chase after others in the past that she is less believable and the incident was to be expected because of this. My DD should 100% trust the adults around her to always believe her and keep her safe.
4 DD teacher is otherwise ab amazing teacher and she is brilliant with her class (no teaching bashing here) I just don’t agree with what was said or how this has been handled. 5 I will be going into the school tomorrow morning to have a quiet word about incident to understand further what they will be doing from now on to ensure that the risk of this happening again is reduced, ALL involved (including my DD) will be educated appropriately on what’s acceptable.

Yes OP was ranty, apologies...I’m a postnatal hormonal mess and feel very protective of my DC. Rant over and clear head on.
Will be wanting questions answered but will not be samurai swording anyone tomorrow. Thank you MN’ers who have given geniune sympathetic advice and MN’ers who have given level headed advice 👌

OP posts:
Amalfimamma · 26/06/2018 23:22

I find it hilarious (not really) that most of the "oh nothing happened/boys will be boys/leave it/school will laugh st you" comments are from people who nearly took up arms to protest Donald trump pussy grab remarks.

The irony of being against one type of sexual assault but defending another. The irony of women blaming a female child for being assaulted.

I'm risking a ban here but I don't care, I'm asking this question to those who have defended the boy and teacher.

Do you defend rapists and paedophiles too?

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 26/06/2018 23:29

Do you defend rapists and paedophiles too?
yes, of course, that's exactly what people are saying Amalfimamma Hmm

HTH hun Smile

Amalfimamma · 26/06/2018 23:33

ikeepaforkinmypurse
Tbh, no, snarky comments don't help when ppl are defending sexual assault

hTh hun 🙄

Italiangreyhound · 26/06/2018 23:35

YAMDNBU!

'and said that DD was prone to flirting with boys...' please make sure the school stop that shit straight away.

@BananaHarvest children should not be pushing their gentiles at other kids. It's not normal or acceptable. 7 is old enough to know.

Arum51 · 26/06/2018 23:36

Ring the LADO. Have a chat. This teacher, and the school, need a bit of a refresher on CP.

Six year old girls are not "flirts". Something happened that scared her. She told teacher. Teacher dismissed it. You were not told. She was then victim blamed when she did tell you.

None of this is acceptable.

anditgoes · 26/06/2018 23:36

@Amalfimamma I agree with your point here. At what age, if not 6, should unacceptable behaviour be explained?

There's a problem of sexual harassment in the workplace, I bet the woman in the tight skirt is to blame for encouraging the attention?

Italiangreyhound · 26/06/2018 23:38

Sorry, my mistake, not pushing their gentiles at other kids, showing their gentiles to other kids and pulling her school dress up.

Amalfimamma · 26/06/2018 23:41

@anditgoes

According to some of the posters here, probably.

And they may think she got off lightly with just a bit of banter seeing as she obviously likes the attention, otherwise why wear a tight skirt?

The sad thing? Most of these comments are from women. Smfh

FermatsTheorem · 26/06/2018 23:46

I am gobsmacked by a teacher saying a 6 year old girl brought being flashed at and having her skirt lifted upon herself by flirting. What sort of a totally fucked up attitude on the part of an adult does it take to say that about a six year old for fuck's sake? Never mind an adult who has presumably been on safeguarding courses as part of their training, and for whom safeguarding is a major part of their job?