Would you expect this?

[LittleMe03]

Have just read these and cannot say I agree... so AIBU? What would you expect?

IMO...

My DSS age 12 CAN use the washing machine as we have shown him how. However, we do not expect him to do this often.
Do not yet ask him to iron clothes. Do not think he should.
He helps with meals but would not expect him to plan and prepare one alone.
The next one on the list.... yes he can read and know what products etc are safe/unsafe and what they are used for.
Basic hand tools?? Like what?
Never ask him to mow the lawn although he helps in the garden and does know how.
And yes he stays alone occasionally but not for long.

I think the majority of this is absolutely ridiculous thou...

Honestly? I think those lists are a pile of crap. My well-behaved, kind, intelligent DC can't do most of the things on the 10-12 list, but can do some of the things on the 13-15. He has some fine and gross motor skills issues, he's sensitive, so gets upset about the fact that he can't do some of those things.

You know what? He'll be able to do most of them by the time he's 18, and these lists just feel like another stick to beat him with. Or to beat the parents of other DC who can't tick the boxes. Seriously. The lists can piss right off. I'd rather let him enjoy being a child for now, and he'll pick up the other stuff later. Domestic drudgery will be with you for a VERY long time - is there really any need to start aged 10, when you could be running around in the sunshine??

Why are you acting like you're being attacked out of nowhere? You're incredibly defensive for someone who posted a list on the internet and asked people for their opinions.

Oh dear I was a failure as a teen

I couldn't cook at 16, couldn't do the duvet cover properly, couldn't iron, could barely work the washing machine.

However I'm now a fully functioning adult that does all the cooking and food shopping in the house .
Still rubbish at doing duvets though and don't get me started on ironing

I will apologise as re reading the posts, I wasn't exactly attacked. Just read them in the wrong way, quickly I guess.

I did ask for opinions and I think I read most of the replies quite defensively, as thou many were saying I should be expecting more etc.

So I am sorry.

It's difficult when the child isn't your own, and only with us half of the time. You feel as thou you do the wrong thing sometimes no matter what.

Knowing how to do these things isn’t the same things as being expected to do them every day though.

I have two ten year olds. They can do almost everything on the first list and about half of the second.

That doesn’t mean that they are slaving away doing chores every day though. In fact they don’t have set chores.

They are expected to help when asked and have picked up some basic skills that way.

Other things they’ve learned because they are interested eg cooking or DIY.

First aid they learned at Scouts/Guides.

There’s very little on those lists that’s rocket science tbh.

If you haven’t taught your DS those skills that’s fine, it’s your choice. You don’t need to defend it.

People run their households differently - it’s hardly a shock.

Only thing ds14 can't do is look after little ones as there is no opportunity and tip as he has never had too. Can do the rest though and
Was at the ages above 🤷🏻‍♀️

And my ds's knew how to do CPR effectively from 6 and 11- only because I was a first aid trainer so my Annie's lived in the house! (Not the point of the thread, but I believe this should be a requirement taught annually in primary and secondary schools)

GlumGlowWorm thanks to people like you I have managed to get my dd to be able to do all of these - the Guiding movement has been brilliant for her, so much so that she’s training up to be a young leader herself, so many thanks

Not a cat in hell's chance I was able to do all that stuff at that age yet here I am living independently. At that age what was important in our house was being a child and education. Still don't iron though, waste of time imo.

I think that's all pretty resonable to expect a 12 year old to be able to do, I could iron by 11 (and my mother wonders why I no longer iron ]) and was mowing the lawn from 13! I do think people wrap their kids up in cotton wool far too much and underestimate what they can really do if they're just given the guidance and chance to practice but ultimately kids should be kids and as long as they know how to do that stuff before leaving home is good enough.

Pebbles education and being a child are important in our house too.

Knowing how to cook or do the odd household task is hardly mutually exclusive to those aims.

Re use of basic tools.

My 12 year old has been a flat pack furniture wizard since he was 8. He does a great job on Ikea furniture. The first thing he built was a kitchen bench set. He has also put two 8ft trampolines together, only needing help with fixing the safety net on.

I've often said I should hire him out as an odd job man!

He only does it because he has always loved building things.

Some of this they learn in DT at school, preparing a basic meal and using hand tools. Ironing, if they do textiles maybe.

My two are 12 and 13, and I think they can do pretty much everything on both lists, although I don't expect them to routinely mow the lawn or do the laundry or iron. The only one that I don't think they've ever done is clean the oven, as I get that done professionally. They have cleaned the BBQ using Oven Pride, if that counts!

They do regularly cook full meals and change bed linen, plus DD13 often phones to book a table in a restaurant, pays and tips. DS hasn't, but more because he doesn't tend to eat out with his friends. That said, when he's out with us he's quite capable of ordering his own meal, asking for condiments etc or asking for a water jug of water to be refilled etc,so I'd say he's fairly au fait with how to behave in a restaurant.

I think because the lists are American, they're perhaps not what we'd expect to see on a British designed list- for e.g I'd like the 10-12 one to talk about getting to school using public transport including changes, reading timetables, knowing what to do in the event of a train cancellation type skills, which are probably less relevant in America due to their school buses.