Would you expect this?

[LittleMe03]

Have just read these and cannot say I agree... so AIBU? What would you expect?

IMO...

My DSS age 12 CAN use the washing machine as we have shown him how. However, we do not expect him to do this often.
Do not yet ask him to iron clothes. Do not think he should.
He helps with meals but would not expect him to plan and prepare one alone.
The next one on the list.... yes he can read and know what products etc are safe/unsafe and what they are used for.
Basic hand tools?? Like what?
Never ask him to mow the lawn although he helps in the garden and does know how.
And yes he stays alone occasionally but not for long.

I think the majority of this is absolutely ridiculous thou...

Doesn't use of basic hand tools get taught in secondary schools any more?

Not a bed as that’s a two person job anyway but my sons built their ikea desks themselves last year. They were 13 and 10 at the time. Don’t your children want to do some things? My kids are always bothering me to let them do ‘adult’ jobs.

My nearly 13 year old has never done any of them, except try to change bedding with difficulty and stay home alone for an hour or two. She can also make a cake with a recipe but has never prepared a meal of any kind without assistance.

I think they are all perfectly reasonable things to expect a child of that age to be able to do. Nothing says they should be doing them all the time, so if you generally take on most these tasks then not a problem, but I do think that at 12 your son should probably know how to do them all if required to.

My 12 year old can do all of that, plus everything from the next one apart from babysit, and tipping is a bit of a work in progress.
He put his Ikea desk and chair together himself, helped lay the vinyl flooring, made his curtains, and will plan a meal, find recipes, go into town and purchase the ingredients and cook it

This is a bit insight to how some families end up with situations such as ‘my 19 year old won’t pick up after themselves’. It starts now guys, get them involved.

Blimey no wonder there's so much learned helplessness if people think these lists are too much!

Parenting is about creating humans that are capable of independent living. None of those things are outlandish for the ages given. The lawnmower would depend on physical strength. The rest are fine.

The 10-12 list I could do at age 10. That doesn't count for the 13-15 list though (I still can't clean an oven).

I would never leave a 12 year old in charge of a lawn mower. But then again I have never mowed a lawn in my life. Would also be wary of the iron, very easy to get seriously hurt and children that age can be quire clumsy. Everything else seems fine although not typical.

I don't think kids should be cleaning the oven at 13-15, the chemicals are nasty enough for adults.

DD age 12 can do most of that, including planning, shopping for and cooking a meal from scratch.
DS age 11, not so much, but he is not interested in it.

Don't you think this is a maybe just a bit sexist?

I don't tip.

A 13 year old year old looking after younger siblings? Hmm. And neighbours? Does it mean young ones or 57 year old Janet from next door but one?

Well we like our 12 year old to concentrate on being 12 I guess. He does his homework, as I said in previous post he knows how to do certain jobs and helps out, also keeps his room clean and tidy.

Being 12 thou we expect him to go to the field and play football with friends, sit and relax after school and homework on his phone or listening to music.

As I've learnt thou from other posters... only on MN do you find people with such perfectly domestic children 🙄

I’m a Guide leader and I’ve had my girls plan and cook meals on fires they built, use hammers and screwdrivers to build wooden boxes.

Why shouldn’t a 12 year old iron? They’re long past the age where I wouldn’t trust them with hot things! I remember my textiles teacher telling 11 year old me to iron whatever I’d just made (using a sewing machine), and I’d never ironed anything before in my life but nothing terrible happened.

Kids will need teaching, supervision and prompting to do these things until they become competent. And they’ll get things wrong but you supervise to ensure they don’t actually hurt themselves, and they learn from those mistakes.

And of course they won’t be ready for the 13-15 year old set if you’ve never supported them to do the things expected of younger age groups.

Looks about right. DS does all of the 10-12 list at 12yo except mowing the grass. I started mowing the lawn at 11 or 12 but I am still getting used to an electric mower myself and I am worried about him mowing the cord. I'm sure he'd actually be fine though.

My kids do that too OP, the desk took a couple of hours and they had fun!

They haven’t been sentenced to forty lashings and bread and water for tea. Stop being a martyr.

I see it as my job as a parent to prepare my DD for life - so yes, of course she can do the jobs on the first list. The second list is a work in progress, but ahead of her age just yet.

I'm always bemused when other parents are surprised that my DD does chores around the house. Of course she does. We are a family team, so we all contribute. I'm not her servant, and she's not mine - but we all play our part.

She has basic chores she does as a part of our agreement on her pocket money, then there are optional chores which she can choose to do or not do, which earn her extra money - like ironing my DHs shirts.

She's learning to look after herself, how to contribute to a household, and that money doesn't just get handed out for nothing, it has to be earnt.

I don't really see anything wrong or odd about either of those lists.

That age, they're at secondary school and need to start learning to be independent and to acquire basic life skills such as laundry, DIY etc.

A 13 year old year old looking after younger siblings? I babysat my younger sibling at 14 years old when they were too unwell for nursery and my mother had to work. I had been looking after them since I was 10.

I’m not sure any of my DC could manage that lot. Youngest is 30.

DD is 11. I would teach her how to do stuff on that list but I don’t expect her to, I want her to enjoy her childhood.

My parents did the same with us.

She does smaller chores but I’m not bothered about her doing major jobs.

Surely all these would be done to earn a badge for cubs or brownies?
Therefore perfectly normal things for children to be doing before 13 years old?

The one I think might be a step too far is the CPR / basic first aid thing. I think that’s far too much responsibility to place on a 13-15 year old. Knowing when / how to get help, fine. Knowing how to do something like putting pressure on a wound / running a burn under cold water, again fine. But much more than that, no. And I think that’s the one where a lot of adults might struggle, even if they know the theory.

I could do all of those (older group too), by 12. I oould change a plug, that means using a screw driver. I could also use a saw and spanner, we did that in school.

Would expect my 12 year olds to have the ability to do all those things. Though I'm not preparing either of them to contemplate ironing as a good use of their time.

12 year olds should be able to use a washing machine, change a bed, plan and cook a simple meal with no problem at all.
And definitely be able to understand medicine labels.

I wish we had a lawn to mow.